Thomas Archive

The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted May 23, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

As of this past Wednesday, my baby sister is officially on the list for a liver transplant.  Which, when I heard the news I broke out sobbing and my husband thought it was bad news until I could choke the words out.

She is at the very top of the list for her blood type meaning it can all go fast.  In fact, and this is the horrible side of it, this weekend is one of the highest when it comes to mortality rates.  Meaning my sister very well could get her new liver this weekend.

Which is good because she’s going downhill fast.  Her kidneys are failing, she’s having trouble breathing, and she’s losing a lot of blood.  They are fighting to keep her going but she needs a liver asap or she won’t live long enough to get a transplant.

If you pray, please pray that the liver comes NOW and please also pray for the donor family.  They are losing someone they love, and that someone is giving my sister life.

Also, please be safe this holiday weekend.  I don’t want any of you to be the donor.

This week in my store:

Profits from my store go towards supporting my family.

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog and my family at the same time!

 

In closing, this cute moment:

We can’t watch Netflix on our TV because we have no means, but our tv is tiny anyway, so it’s no big deal to just watch on the computer.  This becomes complicated, however, when the entire family wants to watch something.

So our solution last night was to pull a couch around to face my computer, pull my monitor to the edge of my desk, and snuggle close to watch.  This is how the boys and I watch Galaxy Quest last night.  It was the best way ever to watch a horribly cheesy movie.

 

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When White Lies Are The Way To Go

Posted May 21, 2015 By kmarrs

I try to go for a walk everyday.  Usually it’s at night, as late as the middle of the night.  Last Tuesday I took my walk at about 8:30PM and I invited my oldest with me.  There is a lot on his plate and I wanted him to have the chance to talk, which he did.

One of the first things that came up was girls,

*gulp*

It turns out there is a girl on his bus that he has his eye on and another girl in his class figured it out and told bus girl and basically asked her out for my boy without consulting if my boy actually wanted to go out with her.

Follow all that?

Ok.  The hitch of for the feminine plotting is that at almost 12, he has no interest in dating anyone.  Which thank you whatever power is watching over me.

So I taught him the first white lie of the night: “My mom won’t let me.”

In this case it’s, “My mom won’t let me date yet, but you can come over to my house and play sometimes if you want.”

He is out of the dating hot seat without hurting her feelings and without feeling pressure to be older than his 12 years.  Because dear God what the hell are 12-year-olds doing dating?

As the conversation continued I basically gave him the thumbs up to blame me saying no on any situation he didn’t want involved in.

That white lie becomes truth and changes to “My mom will kill me, have you MET her.” when it comes to drugs and alcohol.

Then I of course told him I’d rather have him be truthful to be when he’s older and experimenting with beer at parties.  As long as he drinks responsibly, I’ll be far happier over the “I need a ride home” phone call than the “He should have gotten a ride home” house call.

Id’ say he’s years away from there, but apparently not.  I’m just lucky (is this lucky?) that the situation with his aunt has taught him to be respectful of alcohol.  I don’t want him to fear it, I just need him to drink responsibly.

It was a good walk and talk.

 

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted April 25, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

This weekend, for my anniversary, my mom has all 3 kids, and we have gotten rid of my brother-in-law.  So Pat and I have the house to ourselves.  We have big plans!

Sleep.

Well, no.  I mean yes, but no.  I’ll probably play Magic the Gathering with him.  Maybe I can talk him into a board game or a movie.  We’re broke but we don’t need to go anywhere.

I am going to use some quiet time to write.  And I have a pile of books to finish.  Our house is never quiet so I’m just going to enjoy it.  With my husband of 12 years.

 

This week in my store:

Meet Caticorn. Caticorn is amazingly awesome.

Caticorn chases you mouse mouse pad
Caticorn chases you mouse mouse pad by Wearables4Edibles
Look at more Rainbow cat Mousepads at zazzle
Caticorn Is As Cute As A Button
Caticorn Is As Cute As A Button by Wearables4Edibles
Look at more Rainbow cat Buttons at zazzle

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog.

 

Quote of the week:

This ramble brought to you my 11-year-old, Thomas.

A button!  I want to push the button!  I like pushing buttons!  They are fun!  Except dad’s buttons.  Those aren’t fun to push. … Or yours.  Those buttons aren’t fun either.

 

In closing, this realization:

I currently have more library books, then some people own total.  And that saddens me.  I don’t understand people who don’t read.  I don’t understand people who don’t own any books at all.  I’m not saying you have to have hundreds of books.  Not even dozens.  I understand owning just your favorites and borrowing the rest.  I don’t understand not having favorites.  How can you not have a favorite book?

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted April 18, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

So my monthly dinner party is tonight. The lovely Dez and Sarah will be joining me to celebrate spring! We’re going to be eating fresh and talking dirty. Wait. No. That sounds about right. Let’s just say the dinner parties imply we’re proper ladies, but well, only one of us actually identifies as a woman and the rest of us don’t keep the conversation clean for her sake.

Also, my hair is now blue. There are mini pics to the right. I’ll show something larger on Wednesday.

This week in my store:

My newest shirts

All items are now 15% off, and customer mother’s day gifts are 30% off! You do remember mother’s day is coming up, right?

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog.

 

Quote of the week:

“Napping is like a time machine…”-Pat
“No, no it’s not…”-Sammy

 

In closing, this confession:

So Thomas (11) has wanted his hair dyed blue since he was little. And as it’s just hair and something he wants for him, and summer nears, and well there is enough in the jar I used on mine… Yep. Kid just has to get out of school.

Meanwhile Sambam (3) also wants blue hair just like momma. And if she still wants it when she’s 11 and is no longer just trying to be like momma, she too can have funky hair. That’s the rule. 11 and not just trying to follow someone else’s lead.

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Confidence and BPD

Posted March 19, 2015 By kmarrs

Parenting and Borderline Personality Disorder BPD and Self Confidence
I look at my daughter and see a world of confidence and can’t help but wonder if I had even half that much confidence at her age.  I know by the time I was 7 or 8 it was gone, but what about before that?

My daughter, if anything, has too much confidence.  The first instinct is to say not possible, then you reflect on ego, and second guess yourself.  The thing is, if she has this much confidence as an adult, yes, she might be a tad bit annoying.  Right now?  Well, it’s still annoying.  But…

She has her first bully to live through.  Middle school to survive.  She has not yet felt her first heart break.  She has yet to be teased for wearing Skechers when Nike is the brand of choice that month.  (Don’t worry, daughter, you’ll be ahead of the game when Skechers take their turn the following month.)

She has many years to come of people tearing her down before she becomes an adult, and I imagine it won’t fully stop there.  I can only hope that she has half the confidence at 23, as she does at 3.  If she does, I will have successfully raised her to be a confident adult.  Hopefully validating will help build that confidence in her.  And while I don’t want her to be egotistical, confidence makes for a strong individual.  A woman, or man, who knows what s(he) wants and how to get it without hurting others.

Where does the line between egotistical and confident lie?  I’m not quite sure.  However, I’m also raising my kids to know that we are all equal, no matter who we are.  Neither race, gender, sexuality, religion, nor social economical class makes anyone better than anyone else.  Hopefully, the line between ego and confidence lies in there somewhere.  As does knowing where strengths and weaknesses lie.

I have found, though, that for every weakness you point out, you need to also add two strengths.  It is a lot easier to shatter confidence than it is to shatter ego.  That is what I’m going wrong with Thomas.

Myself?

I lack confidence so deeply, that I struggle to hear anything positive about myself.  Be it a result of my illness, bullying, or lack of validation, I don’t know.  I just hope to help my kids be the opposite of myself in all the way it counts.  Because I have to tell you: I would rather my daughter be egotistical at 33 than the confident mess her mother is at 31.

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Borderline Personality Disorder BPD and emotions

This story was written a week ago and scheduled for today.  The moon in question is what Pat calls a “Valentine moon” and he’s been watching for it for a long time.  Now on to our story.

Pat called me while out to tell me to look at the moon: big, low, full, white, and beautiful.  I went out to look and was taken away by it, but was also in awe how clear the sky is tonight.  As we have little light pollution, we can really see the sky out here.

I immediately gathered the kids, including Sammy who I wrapped in a blanket, and took them out to see it all.  Sammy is always asking me to show her the stars, but it’s almost always too cloudy, so I basically rose the boys on my way to my daughter.

Once we were out there, she loved it all but it was Lucas who piped up with new-found knowledge.  He admired the moon, then immediately pointed out Orion, complaining he couldn’t see the sword.  Then I turned around and pointed over the carport and sure enough, he immediately recognized one of the two dippers.  We couldn’t see enough to know which one.

Coming back in I set Sammy down so she could go back to bed and she pulled my attention square on her and thanked me for showing her the stars. (I’m honestly starting to tear up here.) And I got down on her level, wrapped her in my arms, and told her that, that was “what life was about”. And it is.  If you aren’t waking your kids to show them the view like what we had tonight, you’re doing it wrong.  I don’t care what time it is and if it’s a school night.  Wasting the view we had would have been a waste of a life.

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