The Present Looking Into The Future Archive

Borderline Personality DIsorder and Trouble with FinancesAs an alternative to the below, I would like to offer up front the following: text or image ads placed in prominent positions on this blog, for reasonable prices.  I do have a link across the top discussing advertising rates.  I’m desperate enough that I’m willing to negotiate them.  Please take a look!  Walking the Borderline gets an average of 2,000 unique pageviews a month, even with the decrease in my writing, which I’m working on increasing.  I have a few SEO hot posts that really pull in the new traffic.  Then of course, I have a smaller (than 2k anyway), but very loyal following.  So it will be worth the money.  A text ad with me, for example, will run you 50$ for the month (and let’s be honest here, I’ll forget to take it down at month’s end and won’t charge you more than the 50 based off my memory flaws).  TheBloggess?  She’ll, rightfully, charge you twice that.  Ok.  So that being said, let’s get to the main post.  Because I’m all sorts of desperate.

We are so horribly screwed for money right now that it’s reached the point of scary. There are three adults who live here, with 4 combined sources of income, but all 4 are fixed. Two of the sources cover the monthly rent basically perfectly, with enough left over for toilet paper. One of those sources was reduced due to its recipient working like crazy in November and December to try to catch us up on bills. It mostly worked, so as of December we were on track. However, because of that his monthly check for being severely mentally disabled was cut in half. Leaving us about $50 short to cover the rent that we normally never have to worry about. Not to mention the other couple hundred that covered toilet paper, dish/laundry detergent, etc. The other two sources of income is school money. We found out way after the fact that one of the two incomes there that will normally appear at the beginning of the semester, will be up to a month and a half late, due to the student being new. They need to be sure he attends classes before they send him the money that covers bills. My check never was going to show up until mid semester, but that wasn’t going to matter because the other check was going to cover all of January and February’s bills. We have disconnect notices for, well, everything for the first time in almost a decade. Turning off the cable would be a simple solution, except both students rely on it for school. In my case as all my classes are online, that’s a 100% reliance. And as we are in a 1 year contract, we can’t simply cut back on that. We are getting 300$ worth of services for around 100$ and while we could live without the tv for a while, removing it breaks the contract. Good deal or not, you can’t break the contract. So all this is to say that while 2 sources of income from school are coming in February and March, we are so far behind despite cutting back on everything, that by the time it shows up most everything will be disconnected, and we’ll be paying this month’s bill in March, and will still probably be behind.

We are doing the best we can. We brought Pat’s brother in with us to help him and so he could help us finance wise. The three adults couldn’t afford 2 households but joined, once we’re finally caught up, we’ll be able to afford 1. Paying off this damn car with the tax return will be a huge help. We’d get rid of it but we’d just have to turn around and figure out a cheaper, but most likely less reliable, car. This car has us in the hole, but it is reliable as hell so far. Pat is planning a small, 20 hr/week job in the evenings once school is out. With school in session it isn’t an option, for long and complicated reasons involving the fact he needs the car to deliver pizzas. I’d get a job but everyone family and doctors included agree that is NOT an option right now. In my mental state I can barely handle the stress of school, much less school and work. Choosing to do just one between the two, going crazy and messing up is best saved for my grades, and not a company. Like I said, I’m not handling stress at the moment. In addition, my fibro, depression, and meds have me highly unreliable for being awake at any given time. And it isn’t a simple case of being “sleepy”. No. I mean passing out at 9PM and still being exhausted like I didn’t sleep at 8AM. Sleepy is cute and cuddly. Exhausted is scary and stabs people. There is a cartoon showing the difference someone, if you need to visualize the difference. So clearly, work is not an option for me. I tried for disability myself, but was denied because “there was no way of knowing if I’d be depressed for a full year or longer”. Yeah. I’m going to get a doctor, get my fibro treated, then try for disability again for both the depression and the BPD and the fibro. Won’t hurt to try. I’ve been out of work a full year now.
I’m still rambling. I’m so sorry. I should get to my point. In 12 years of marriage, Pat and I have never been this financially screwed. We are about to lose everything. If you have anything you can offer to help I need paid for my work here.   My blog has a donate button (towards the top right of the page) and it would be appreciated beyond what words can express. I hate asking this. This… it’s very humbling and humiliating.

If you can’t help, I so deeply understand. Please just know I do truly get it. I understand broke on an intimate level. I understand financial obligations and I understand the wish to give does not suddenly create the ability to give. But if you can help, please click the donate button. It’ll let you donate any amount you have to offer.

Oh!  I also have a zazzle Store!  You can buy fancy swag over there!  No joke.  It gives me some (small) income.  But right now literally every penny counts.

 

There is some really weird stuff up at the store. (I have a sub store dedicated to wanting to nom on babies and another perfect for any “Sam” in your life.) There is some really awesome stuff as well! Please take a second to browse and see if anything catches your eye? You get neat swag, I get kleenex or shampoo. I will also make custom requests, though so can you if you give it a try, but I already know the ins and outs of the program and have time needed to design you stuff. *wiggles eyebrows*

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Dreams

Posted January 8, 2015 By kmarrs

Borderline Hopes and DreamsIf I ever really make it in my profession (not rich, but a few steps beyond comfortable) I want to buy a big parcel of land out where I’m at now.

I want it to have previously been a farm so that there is already a barn I can use to board other people’s horses for cheep or free, depending on the labor they are willing to offer (you clean up after your horse so that I don’t have to and keep them fed, you can board free). The snuggles I give the horses are, of course, free with boarding.

I’ll also have a chicken coop with just enough chickens to be sure I never have to buy eggs, but not so many that I don’t know what to do with them.

I want a rabbit hutch for my kids because they all want rabbits and Pat says no, but if I buy this damn farm he won’t have a choice.

I want a duck/koi pond.

Oh; and I’ll have a dozen barn cats. I’d neuter/spay them all, but will keep food down so whatever new cats want to show up… well… the more the merrier.

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2015

Posted January 1, 2015 By kmarrs

Borderline Personality Disorder BPDAfter the past few years I fully give up on having “this year will certainly be better” expectations.  So really, I’m just going to take it as it come and do as I must.

Also, I don’t really believe in New Years Resolutions.  Other than maybe “survive the next 365 days”.  Most resolutions are life changing things and generally speaking, people try to carry out more than one at the same time, and usually with little plan.  So yes, as great as “Eat healthy, exercise more, and stop smoking/drinking/doing drugs/sleeping around/whatever” sounds, chances are…

But, I’m not opposed to goals.  So:

  • I have a reading list I’d like to accomplish
  • I want to take my summer trimester off
  • Keep doing the best I can in school
  • Get back to the art museum sometime soon
  • Get to the planetarium at COSI
  • Remember that this blog exists on occasion
  • Stop dating things Month, Day, 2014 by the end of January.

See?  Just little goals to make my year the best it can be.

 

Do you have goals?  Resolutions?  Survival plans?  Please feel free to share them in the comments!

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The Spirit of Santa – The Spirit of Giving

Posted December 5, 2014 By kmarrs

I need help saving Christmas for 4 amazing, young boys and their father.  These boys have had a rough go at life.  Some parts have been rougher than others.  This past year has  been the roughest yet, as their parents battled for custody.  Their father, the more stable of the two, has finally won this battle, but doing so has seen his finances get stretched beyond comfort.  He had to give up his second job, and when is babysitter stopped showing up, he missed a lot of work, nearly losing his job in the process, and a lot more.  Upon hearing what was going on, I stepped in and have been hanging out with these amazing boys, aged 4-9, every day after school until their daddy gets off.  In doing so, their daddy has been able to get back to being financially stable, however, not enough so to make Christmas happen.  He’s afraid the illusion of Santa will be shattered when they realize what Christmas coming after a tax return really means.

I call bullshit.  There is too a Santa and his magic is alive! However, not being made of money myself, I can’t do this alone.  So I’m asking for your help!  This family needs some Christmas magic now more than ever.  It’s been rough for them the past year.  I think a Christmas miracle is exactly what they need to see.

Please help me give this to them.

We are aiming for a deadline of the 14th so that there is plenty of time for phase 2: shopping.


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Been Thinking

Posted May 22, 2014 By kmarrs

College and BPD Borderline Personality DisorderI know.  I don’t call.  I don’t write.  Yet here I am wanting to talk school?

Alright.  My duel major for my Bachelor’s in Business Administration and Applied Psychology are already in the works.

From there I was planning my Masters in Psychology.

But.  Out of the schools I’m looking at, most don’t even offer a masters in psychology.  Even if they do, you need a specific quantity of credit hours from your undergrad to be in psychology.  My current undergrads just aren’t going to cut it.

But a third Bachelor’s in general psychology would.

And I can get that at the local really good university I plan to get my Psy.D. at.  It’s one of the best schools for psychology in the country, even. (But they don’t offer a master’s in it.)

But then.

If I’m doing that, and I’m already planning to get the Psy.D. in the end, none of the school I prefer even offer a masters in Psychology, and you don’t need the masters for the doctorate, why am I trying for the masters?  How much debt do I want?  How many degree do I intend to collect?  (The answer is now and always will be: All of them.) (Did you know federal student loan debt gets discharged when you die?)(Guys!  If I’m a student until the day I die, at a very old age or of any other natural causes, I won’t ever have to pay my loans back!)(Just saying: I could be a professional student.)(I mean, it IS looking that way anyway.)(Gotta catch them all!)(It took me a decade to get to school, I’m never leaving!)(People that like, I don’t know, chase down to get money from people who actually do this, please know I’m joking.)(I intend to use my degrees.)

I’m still toying with the Masters in Business Psychology which is the follow-up to my B.S. Applied Psychology.

But if I do that I might as well just drop my B.A. in Business Admin.  I’ve always argued business is a great foundation to anything, but at this point, I’ll pay someone with a business degree if I actually have a private practice. (Plus I think I’m just holding on tight because in my decade long fight for school, this has been the planned degree.  But I’m in school, I’m pulling noting but A’s, and I’m in the National Society of Collegiate Scholars.  Fight is over.  I can let it go.  Please don’t start singing that song.)

So that means I’m looking at the following for my full degree set:

  • B.S. in Applied Psychology
  • B.A. in Psychology
  • M.S. in Business Psychology
  • Psy.D. in Psychology

Then possibly med school which would involve pre-med and then the M.D.  It would have its advantages but it also time-consuming, expensive, and involves cutting open/up dead bodies.  We’ll see.

This makes sense?  I mean, I can always change my mind as I go, as long as I’m not mid degree.  Right?

Wait, I did tell you all I got invited to join the National Society of Collegiate Scholars, right?  I accepted.

 

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Life Changing Breakthrough in One Scene

Posted February 28, 2014 By kmarrs

BPD Career GoalsAnd ACTION!

Karen Marrs
According to the internet I’m part banana. And you could be up to 10% more or less banana than I.
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/4794434/Bananana/
Karen Marrs
You know, fuck opening a practice… I should go into the research side of things. Genetics, etc.
What DNA marker, if any, makes a person more predisposed to depression, etc? What can be done about it? Science is headed towards fucking with DNA to “fix” people, so why not play my role as a scientist?
http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/26/health/ivf-mitochondria/index.html?sr=fb022614threeparentbabies9p
It took them awhile but scientific research lead to the discovery of the correlation between the veins in the hands and fibro, now scientists have to decide how to use that knowledge to fix fibro for good.
I could do that shit!
Patrick Marrs
DNA = Chem -nods- you would be good at Chem
Karen Marrs
I slept through high school chem. It was at like 8AM. You do the math. Or I showed up late because I “missed my bus”, with Starbucks in hand. But shit, the Starbucks right there at and was walking distance from my high school. If they had given me means to buy coffee, real coffee, at school, I wouldn’t have been late to chem and I might have actually stayed awake.
Karen Marrs
If I did go into research my degrees in business would be pointless. I mean, I’m still getting my bachelors in that because that is useful no matter the field. Even science is a business, sadly. But I could do right from this bachelors to my doctorates. I need to rethink everything. I mean, I want to help people and with my own practice I could do that, but think of the people I could help on the research side of things? I could do what the big bang characters do, only at OSU.
Karen Marrs
And, here is where I go vain. Most people are right-brained or left-brained. I’m both. How many research scientists can claim that?  How many can really think logically AND creatively. Scientific research could use more creative thinking. When logic just doesn’t seem to be working, I’m really good at thinking outside the box. Fuck, my box doesn’t even exist!9:14 PM
My bachelors in business, my masters in psychology, then pre-med, then med. Then I go from there.
Patrick Marrs
This conversation is smarter than me which tells me that whatever you decide will be well-informed and ‘right’.
Karen Marrs
Holy hell
This feels so right!

And SCENE!

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