School

So I’ve learned vicariously through another that financial aid and loans will only really pay for one undergrad degree. Not the 2-3 I was hoping for. Which makes sense, I will confess. I was just dreaming big.

The problem is, the current degree I’m working towards… It’s at the school I really want to be at. There is nothing about this school I don’t like. It is exactly what I need as the disabled, working, mom of 3. Evening classes that are only 6 weeks in length so I can take 2-3 in a term and never have to take more than one at a time.
(Ok the odd class is 12 or 15 weeks but that isn’t the norm here.) That is like the perfect set up for my mental health and stability.

However, the degree I’m working towards is not the degree I want the most. The degree I want the most is psychology and I can’t get that at Franklin. I have to go to OSU or a school like it. Mind you, OSU has one of the best programs for psychology in the country so it’s nothing to turn my nose up at, but I’m not sure what level of mental health I can maintain at a traditional school.

So it comes down to following my dreams or letting my mental health get in my way.

I’ve applied at OSU. I have to at least give it a try. I can’t just shrug my shoulders and wave goodbye to my dreams. But oh boy am I scared.

In other news this means I’ll also have to find a new job. To work a work-study you have to be going to the school your working for. I’ll be able to find another work-study at OSU I’m sure. I don’t know that it’ll pay as well as this one does. I don’t know that it’ll be as perfect for me as this one is. But it’ll be an option. I won’t be unemployed for any real length.

So I’m doubly scared. This is two big changes coming up in the summer. Both at the same time. And I hate change. And while this might ultimately be me following my dreams, I’m still… I’m rocking a boat that I’m working really hard to keep afloat to begin with.

School and Work and Borderline Personality Disorder

I am.

I don’t know what I am, but I am.

Part of me thinks I’m too sick to keep trying to juggle school and work and life.  But at the same time, having a routine and structure does me good.  Work gives me that.  I have somewhere to be during the week.

My hours have dropped.  First, they couldn’t keep me busy for 20-25 hours a week.  That’s a simple fact.  So instead of being there from 9-3 Monday-Thursday, I’m now there from 10-3 Monday through Wednesday.  Some weeks it might be more like 10-2 Monday through Thursday.  Either way, it’s fewer hours.  Which is good.  I keep the routine and structure, but I don’t have to push myself harder than I can reasonably function.

I am still sick.

And tired.  God I’m tired.

So it is with this in mind that I’m continuing my bid for social security.  By dropping down in hours I’m improving my health, but I’m also making under 1000$ a month now so I’m not automatically ineligible for ssi.

In all work is going rather well.  I like my job and I seem to be good enough at it.  I also like my boss so I’m happy where I’m at.  I just can’t do it for more than 15-20 hours a week.  I’m not healthy enough.

Meanwhile, school is going really well.  I just finished another term and kept my perfect 4.0 in the process.

My new term has already started, by the point in time you are reading this.  This one should be easier than the last two.  Well, last term, macro and microeconomics wasn’t hard.  It was just a LOT of writing.  This one should be less work overall.

My first class is called Understanding Science.  It’s a two credit hour class that meets a general education requirement.  It’s 12 weeks long and while there are 4 tests in total, I’m not expecting much trouble.  I’m good at science and this is only skimming the surface.

My second class starts in 6 weeks and it’s Communication Ethics.  I know nothing about it but the girl I work with just took it and got a B.  She also said it was one of those classes where you can get all the work done in a single evening.  So I’ll give myself two evenings and get an A.  Her professor was also a stingy grader.  Hopefully mine isn’t.  I do know I’m taking it with someone else so there is a chance s/he is an easy grader.

That’s basically my life right now.  School.  Work.  Kids.  Sleep.  More sleep.

I guess that’s why I’m not writing much.  There are only so many ways I can say school is going well.  And well, life is rather drama free at the moment.  I’m not complaining, but it makes for a quiet blog.

Even my current stint of unhealthy is a quiet one.  I’m simply tired and stressed and moderately melancholy.

I’ll post a fish update soon.  They give me life.

New Job

God I’m tired.

I love my job.  I love working for the university.  I love working in the math department.  I love my bosses.  I love everything about it.

It is exhausting.  I mean the work itself isn’t.  I’m just having to spend more energy in general than I have in a long while, so I’m tired by the time I get home.  Half the time I come home and nap, before waking up and working on homework.

Homework.  Ugh.  It isn’t like the number of assignments lessens based on the amount of job work I do.  I will say this though, having the university library right across the street from my office is useful.  I have not done it yet, but once I find my rhythm and I’m no longer in as great of need of an after work nap, I fully intend to stay at the library a couple of days a week to get coursework done.

Once I’m in face to face classes I’ll be staying behind at the school anyway to go to class after work.  I work Monday-Thursday 9-3, for the most part.  Balancing the schedule of 2 adults, and 3 kids will bring some variance to that, but that is the general schedule.

I took pity on myself and dropped one of my classes this term.  I had it so I was taking to courses at once for the last 6 weeks of the term.  But until I find my rhythm and balance of work/family/school, I need to not take more than one at a time.  Usually it isn’t really an issue anyway.  The only reason I was going to be doubling up was because I took an extra 6 weeks off at the beginning of this term.  Needed it.  Don’t regret it.  I just won’t be going to school full-time this term.  And that’s fine.

My psychiatrist isn’t leery about me working to begin with.  I’m sort of healthy enough for it, but I tend to jump into the deep end thinking I can float no problem, and then end up starting to sink.  I think only taking 1 class at a time will get her to stop worrying some.

Alrighty.  Time to stop procrastinating this econ paper that refuses to write itself.  I’ll check in next Tuesday, maybe.

Surviving Finals

So. Wow. It’s been a long minute since I last wrote.

All I can really say to my defense is that my idea of thinking 2 maths classes at once would be an easy return to school… Haha. Ha. ha. No.

I forgot the sheer workload in a single math class much less two at once.

But I survived! Even finals week! With my 4.0 intact.

God, I’m tired though. The kind of tired that a nap just can’t fix. It’s like straight through to my core.

But I’ll recover. Just in time for next term. I’m actually going full-time next term, with 3 classes, but they are only 6 weeks each and none of them at the same time. It should be much lighter.

Also, I forgot how much I love to read. Or rather, I never doubted how much I love to read, but I sort of didn’t realize how much I missed it until term finished and I curled up with a book. To just sit there and read when you know there is nothing else in the world I need to be doing… It’d been awhile.

I’m rereading Game of Thrones. I hadn’t read them in a long while, years really, and I’d never read the 5th book so I’ve curled up with the first book and I’m going to try to read all 5 before I’m back in class.

Alright. I’ll try to update more, but I’m not really sure what there is to say. Life is quiet with no real drama. Other than the car breaking and then being gone with no replacement. I mean, my BIL who lives with us has a car, but I only really have access to it 2 days a week. And even then it’s shared. I’ve never not had a car. It’s getting old fast.