School Archive

Finals Week Stress Has Got Me Like Whoa

Posted December 11, 2017 By kmarrs

I have my final paper due Thursday at midnight.  And my presentation due Tuesday evening.  And I’m super stressed out.

But I’m taking Tuesday off of work so that I can work on it all night tonight.  Which is the plan.  Right after I fix a couple of broken things on my site.  Which I know, I need to stop dicking around.  But this is how I destress and get my brain ready to focus.  So after this test post I’ll buckle down and get to work.

After this, so like in 3 days, I’ll be out of school for something like 8 weeks.  And I’m planning to spend those 8 weeks reading all the things!

I also have exciting news for all of you!  So expect me back after finals week with an update.  I do hope to post more.  I need to get back to writing.  And if I can get in the habit while out of school, well, I’ll already be in the habit when in school.  They don’t all have to be massively long.

But yes, exciting news coming to you soon!

In the meantime I just need to deal with this stress.

Also, hopefully, I fixed the thing.  *crosses fingers*

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Dark Place

Posted October 29, 2017 By kmarrs

I’m currently in a very dark place.  Money just got super tight.  Tighter than it’s been in a very long time and I’m terrified.

Plus school is currently kicking my ass.  Though my current class is about to be over.  I just have to watch a few more educational video, read one more chapter, and then write a paper.  Oh yeah.  And take a test worth 20% of my final grade.  *sigh*  I’m just super stressed.

After this class comes a management class.  I have not actually looked at it yet.  But it is the standard form.  No tests, just papers and most likely a group project.  I’m still at a point in my life where that is stressful, but it’s less stressful than this current class and I’m use to that format.  Most of the classes at my school don’t test.

After that class, which is 6 weeks long and ends December 12, I’ll have about 8 weeks off from classes.  That will be a much needed and welcomed break.  2 of those weeks will also be a vacation from work.  Won’t help the money situation any, but the entire university shuts down over the holidays, so I have no choice.  We’ll just have to make the best of it.  I do need the vacation, so that’s good at least.  I just hope the stress of losing more income, doesn’t outweigh the relaxation of a vacation.

So overall mental health wise… I have goals in life so I’m not actively suicidal.  But I would very much like to just curl up into a little ball and sleep until the world is a better and kinder place.

Also I miss my old cat that use to catch flies mid air and eat them.  I don’t… I can’t live with cats because they drive me crazy, but this fly is driving me crazier.  And it’s just… I’m already on the brink of a total mental breakdown, I don’t really need a fly pushing me over the edge.

But there you have it.

How can you help?

See the links to my books over in the left hand side?  Every little bit of additional income helps me out.  So consider purchasing one or both.  Alphabet Antics especially makes a great gift for the 2-5-year-old bracket.  That’s straight up money towards my rent and bills.  Never before has rent been in jeopardy, but starting now, it is.

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School and Mental Health

Posted October 18, 2017 By kmarrs

I’m way past due on an update, but there just wasn’t much to write about.  But I’m sitting here with time to kill, and I actually have something to say.

Having taken a good 5-6 years at my education, I’m still a couple years out from complete, but I’m running out of loan money.  And my loan money is essential for paying for my education if everything stays the same.  And by everything staying the same I mean me going part-time, mostly.

Let me back up.  Some of you know how Grants like the Pell Grant work here in America.  Let’s say, and this is a random number, you are granted 2000$ per term.  That’s great, but that’s only if you go full-time, or a full 12 credit hours.  If you go 6-8 credit hours, you get exactly, to the penny, half that.  Now at schools where classes run 3 credit hours, going part-time at 6 credit hours, is no big deal.  Your grants will generally cover this.  But my school the classes are 4 credit hours so I either take two classes at 8 credit hours, but get the grant money for 6, or I take the full 12 and get the grant money for 12.  Now you’re starting to understand why it is I took out student loans in the first place.  My mental health is not as such I can go full time easily, and well, loans also give us an extra 2000$ per term, roughly, to put towards things like bills, car repairs, or once a year Christmas.

Now that my loan money has run out, however, I have confirmed the numbers, and like it or not, starting next fall I start up full-time.  I do have 1 more term (Winter) worth of loan money left.  And I’m taking this summer off.

I’m.  I’m about at my breaking point.  Just stress and the pressure to perform.  I’m maintaining just shy of a perfect 4.0GPA and I’m well aware that to get into OSU’s psych program I need to not fuck up.  I mean really.  They are one of the top 25 schools for psychology in the country.  It’s going to be hella competitive getting in, and I’m not a shoo-in.  So I need to maintain perfect grades and that’s a lot of pressure.

Having this summer off will be a big help.  Plus since I’m still part-time I was able to schedule it so that I have a total of 8 weeks off, counting the holiday break, starting at the end of December into February.  That will be good.  2 of those weeks I’m out of work even.  So that will be really nice.

I’m just very tired.  And very stressed.  And doing my best to maintain mental stability, but some days it’s very challenging.

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Heathers

Posted March 28, 2017 By kmarrs

So in me Business writing class there was this girl.  We’ll call her Heather.  Because that was her name.  Anyway, Heather was the biggest bitch to me.  Not just in general, but directed at me directly and to my face, in front of the entire class.  She was the biggest bitch.  It all started when I accidentally outed myself as genderqueer.  She suddenly singled me out and was really nasty.  So that was Heather.

Anyway.  For the second half of this class we had a business proposal we were working on.  I chose to write a proposal to my landlord requesting permission to install a little free library in my front yard.  With these business proposals we needed to have a primary research source.  This is an interview or a survey that we conducted ourselves.  I originally decided to reach out to those who ran their own LFLs and ask them some questions.  But of the 12 surveys I sent out, I only received 1 back.  Meanwhile Heather was bragging that she was conducting a survey and was sending it to 500 people.  Bragging and bragging.  So I decided at the last-minute, 4 days before the paper was due, that I was going to run an online poll.  I needed at least 30-50 responses to be statistically sound, but could I beat 500?

I have limited reach on Tumblr but I have powerfully popular friends there, and I told them about my project, and I about Heather, as a means of explaining why I wanted to smash 500 surveys into the ground.  Tumblr appreciates a good arch nemesis story.

Here are the results.

I had 4760 people take my survey.  The best part?  Turns out she only sent out 100 surveys and she got about 65 back.

Gotta say Heather, this doesn’t look good on your part.

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I’ve made a decision. I went back and forward with it for a while. I had an emergency therapy session over it. I asked repeatedly for reassurance from Pat that he’d support me no matter what. Then I decided I had until summer before I really had to make a final decision on the issue at hand so I’d just wait until the right answer came to me.

I don’t normally work Thursdays but I needed the hours so I went in. I was glad I did. My bosses had no work for me but a girl who worked with us until recently stopped by so I got to be social with her. Then when it became obvious that there was not going to be any real work for me to do, it was decided I’d go home at 1. So there long enough to collect a check, but still clocking out 2 hours early.

I’ve blogged about how I’m not overtly religious but I am spiritual. I do believe there is something big out there guiding us and he or she wanted me in that office until 1 on Thursday.

Around noon professor B comes strolling in needing help with his email. No one else was around. It isn’t exactly my job since I’m under the maths department but I didn’t have anything better to do and helpful is helpful. My boos wasn’t going to fault me. So I logged myself off my work station and logged him on so we could straighten out his email problem. While we were at it, a favor for a favor. What favor did I need? Oh, just a little advice.

You see, until the end of last month, professor B was the head of the Applied Psychology program. That’s my program. Who better to help me to define my path than someone who has walked it?

He listened to the short version of it all. He told me that an undergrad in both applied psych and general psych was stupid, his words, not my embellishment. He also said that Applied psychology was enough of a psych foundation that I could very reasonably get my PsyD from there. Doubly so if I’m getting a masters.

So technically I can still follow my end goal dream even if I change-up and don’t get the general psych undergrad.

So that leaves the last concern of money. You only get 57,000 in loan money. It is possible to run out of grants and loans before you finish your first degree (much less your second, which is how this all got started). The advantage of OSU is that it’s the state school so it’s hella cheaper. But I looked up how much of my loan money I’ve used versus how far into my degree I am. I’ve used 30,000 of the 57,000 and I’m about half done with the degree program. So technically I think I’ll be paying out-of-pocket for like my last few classes, but I’ll face that when it comes, and that’s just loans, not necessarily grants. There are also scholarships. If I keep up my GPA (it’s sitting at a 3.923) I will have options. So I need to take a deep breath and figure it out when it comes.

For now I’m just happy I’m staying at Franklin. I’m really happy about that. It just feels so right to me. I know I’ll be facing OSU when it comes to grad school and that’s fine. But right now my mental health is still in an iffy place. I need to do what I can to keep things around me stable. That means Franklin. That also means keeping my job I’m currently at where I’m happy and not overly stressed out.

I’m in a good place as far as work and school go. I’m also building friendships. (More on that to come.) My marriage is in a comfortable place. My kids are happy and healthy. My mental heath will find itself settling into place. I just have to be patient.

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School

Posted August 16, 2016 By kmarrs

So I’ve learned vicariously through another that financial aid and loans will only really pay for one undergrad degree. Not the 2-3 I was hoping for. Which makes sense, I will confess. I was just dreaming big.

The problem is, the current degree I’m working towards… It’s at the school I really want to be at. There is nothing about this school I don’t like. It is exactly what I need as the disabled, working, mom of 3. Evening classes that are only 6 weeks in length so I can take 2-3 in a term and never have to take more than one at a time.
(Ok the odd class is 12 or 15 weeks but that isn’t the norm here.) That is like the perfect set up for my mental health and stability.

However, the degree I’m working towards is not the degree I want the most. The degree I want the most is psychology and I can’t get that at Franklin. I have to go to OSU or a school like it. Mind you, OSU has one of the best programs for psychology in the country so it’s nothing to turn my nose up at, but I’m not sure what level of mental health I can maintain at a traditional school.

So it comes down to following my dreams or letting my mental health get in my way.

I’ve applied at OSU. I have to at least give it a try. I can’t just shrug my shoulders and wave goodbye to my dreams. But oh boy am I scared.

In other news this means I’ll also have to find a new job. To work a work-study you have to be going to the school your working for. I’ll be able to find another work-study at OSU I’m sure. I don’t know that it’ll pay as well as this one does. I don’t know that it’ll be as perfect for me as this one is. But it’ll be an option. I won’t be unemployed for any real length.

So I’m doubly scared. This is two big changes coming up in the summer. Both at the same time. And I hate change. And while this might ultimately be me following my dreams, I’m still… I’m rocking a boat that I’m working really hard to keep afloat to begin with.

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