School Archive

I’ve made a decision. I went back and forward with it for a while. I had an emergency therapy session over it. I asked repeatedly for reassurance from Pat that he’d support me no matter what. Then I decided I had until summer before I really had to make a final decision on the issue at hand so I’d just wait until the right answer came to me.

I don’t normally work Thursdays but I needed the hours so I went in. I was glad I did. My bosses had no work for me but a girl who worked with us until recently stopped by so I got to be social with her. Then when it became obvious that there was not going to be any real work for me to do, it was decided I’d go home at 1. So there long enough to collect a check, but still clocking out 2 hours early.

I’ve blogged about how I’m not overtly religious but I am spiritual. I do believe there is something big out there guiding us and he or she wanted me in that office until 1 on Thursday.

Around noon professor B comes strolling in needing help with his email. No one else was around. It isn’t exactly my job since I’m under the maths department but I didn’t have anything better to do and helpful is helpful. My boos wasn’t going to fault me. So I logged myself off my work station and logged him on so we could straighten out his email problem. While we were at it, a favor for a favor. What favor did I need? Oh, just a little advice.

You see, until the end of last month, professor B was the head of the Applied Psychology program. That’s my program. Who better to help me to define my path than someone who has walked it?

He listened to the short version of it all. He told me that an undergrad in both applied psych and general psych was stupid, his words, not my embellishment. He also said that Applied psychology was enough of a psych foundation that I could very reasonably get my PsyD from there. Doubly so if I’m getting a masters.

So technically I can still follow my end goal dream even if I change-up and don’t get the general psych undergrad.

So that leaves the last concern of money. You only get 57,000 in loan money. It is possible to run out of grants and loans before you finish your first degree (much less your second, which is how this all got started). The advantage of OSU is that it’s the state school so it’s hella cheaper. But I looked up how much of my loan money I’ve used versus how far into my degree I am. I’ve used 30,000 of the 57,000 and I’m about half done with the degree program. So technically I think I’ll be paying out-of-pocket for like my last few classes, but I’ll face that when it comes, and that’s just loans, not necessarily grants. There are also scholarships. If I keep up my GPA (it’s sitting at a 3.923) I will have options. So I need to take a deep breath and figure it out when it comes.

For now I’m just happy I’m staying at Franklin. I’m really happy about that. It just feels so right to me. I know I’ll be facing OSU when it comes to grad school and that’s fine. But right now my mental health is still in an iffy place. I need to do what I can to keep things around me stable. That means Franklin. That also means keeping my job I’m currently at where I’m happy and not overly stressed out.

I’m in a good place as far as work and school go. I’m also building friendships. (More on that to come.) My marriage is in a comfortable place. My kids are happy and healthy. My mental heath will find itself settling into place. I just have to be patient.

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School

Posted August 16, 2016 By kmarrs

So I’ve learned vicariously through another that financial aid and loans will only really pay for one undergrad degree. Not the 2-3 I was hoping for. Which makes sense, I will confess. I was just dreaming big.

The problem is, the current degree I’m working towards… It’s at the school I really want to be at. There is nothing about this school I don’t like. It is exactly what I need as the disabled, working, mom of 3. Evening classes that are only 6 weeks in length so I can take 2-3 in a term and never have to take more than one at a time.
(Ok the odd class is 12 or 15 weeks but that isn’t the norm here.) That is like the perfect set up for my mental health and stability.

However, the degree I’m working towards is not the degree I want the most. The degree I want the most is psychology and I can’t get that at Franklin. I have to go to OSU or a school like it. Mind you, OSU has one of the best programs for psychology in the country so it’s nothing to turn my nose up at, but I’m not sure what level of mental health I can maintain at a traditional school.

So it comes down to following my dreams or letting my mental health get in my way.

I’ve applied at OSU. I have to at least give it a try. I can’t just shrug my shoulders and wave goodbye to my dreams. But oh boy am I scared.

In other news this means I’ll also have to find a new job. To work a work-study you have to be going to the school your working for. I’ll be able to find another work-study at OSU I’m sure. I don’t know that it’ll pay as well as this one does. I don’t know that it’ll be as perfect for me as this one is. But it’ll be an option. I won’t be unemployed for any real length.

So I’m doubly scared. This is two big changes coming up in the summer. Both at the same time. And I hate change. And while this might ultimately be me following my dreams, I’m still… I’m rocking a boat that I’m working really hard to keep afloat to begin with.

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The last one got away from me some. I was distracted by my fish and things. So… Here, this should help.

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I am.

I don’t know what I am, but I am.

Part of me thinks I’m too sick to keep trying to juggle school and work and life.  But at the same time, having a routine and structure does me good.  Work gives me that.  I have somewhere to be during the week.

My hours have dropped.  First, they couldn’t keep me busy for 20-25 hours a week.  That’s a simple fact.  So instead of being there from 9-3 Monday-Thursday I’m now there from 10-3 Monday through Wednesday.  Some weeks it might be more like 10-2 Monday through Thursday.  Either way, it’s less hours.  Which is good.  I keep the routine and structure, but I don’t have to push myself harder than I can reasonably function.

I am still sick.

And tired.  God I’m tired.

So it is with this in mind that I’m continuing my bid for social security.  By dropping down in hours I’m improving my health, but I’m also making under 1000$ a month now so I’m not automatically ineligible for ssi.

In all work is going rather well.  I like my job and I seem to be good enough at it.  I also like my boss so I’m happy where I’m at.  I just can’t do it for more than 15-20 hours a week.  I’m not healthy enough.

Meanwhile school is going really well.  I just finished another term and kept my perfect 4.0 in the process.

My new term has already started, by the point in time you are reading this.  This one should be easier than the last two.  Well, last term, macro and microeconomics, wasn’t hard.  It was just a LOT of writing.  This one should be less work overall.

My first class is called Understanding Science.  It’s a two credit hour class that meets a general education requirement.  It’s 12 weeks long and while there are 4 tests in total, I’m not expecting much trouble.  I’m good at science and this is only skimming the surface.

My second class starts in 6 weeks and it’s Communication Ethics.  I know nothing about it but the girl I work with just took it and got a B.  She also said it was one of those classes where you can get all the work done in a single evening.  So I’ll give myself two evenings and get an A.  Her professor was also a stingy grader.  Hopefully mine isn’t.  I do know I’m taking it with someone else so there is a chance s/he is an easy grader.

That’s basically my life right now.  School.  Work.  Kids.  Sleep.  More sleep.

I guess that’s why I’m not writing much.  There are only so many ways I can say school is going well.  And well, life is rather drama free at the moment.  I’m not complaining, but it makes for a quiet blog.

Even my current stint of unhealthy is a quiet one.  I’m simply tired and stressed and moderately melancholy.

I’ll post a fish update soon.  They give me life.

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New Job

Posted March 5, 2016 By kmarrs

God I’m tired.

I love my job.  I love working for the university.  I love working in the math department.  I love my bosses.  I love everything about it.

It is exhausting.  I mean the work itself isn’t.  I’m just having to spend more energy in general than I have in a long while, so I’m tired by the time I get home.  Half the time I come home and nap, before waking up and working on homework.

Homework.  Ugh.  It isn’t like the number of assignments lessens based on the amount of job work I do.  I will say this though, having the university library right across the street from my office is useful.  I have not done it yet, but once I find my rhythm and I’m no longer in as great of need of an after work nap, I fully intend to stay at the library a couple of days a week to get coursework done.

Once I’m in face to face classes I’ll be staying behind at the school anyway to go to class after work.  I work Monday-Thursday 9-3, for the most part.  Balancing the schedule of 2 adults, and 3 kids will bring some variance to that, but that is the general schedule.

I took pity on myself and dropped one of my classes this term.  I had it so I was taking to courses at once for the last 6 weeks of the term.  But until I find my rhythm and balance of work/family/school, I need to not take more than one at a time.  Usually it isn’t really an issue anyway.  The only reason I was going to be doubling up was because I took an extra 6 weeks off at the beginning of this term.  Needed it.  Don’t regret it.  I just won’t be going to school full-time this term.  And that’s fine.

My psychiatrist isn’t leery about me working to begin with.  I’m sort of healthy enough for it, but I tend to jump into the deep end thinking I can float no problem, and then end up starting to sink.  I think only taking 1 class at a time will get her to stop worrying some.

Alrighty.  Time to stop procrastinating this econ paper that refuses to write itself.  I’ll check in next Tuesday, maybe.

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