My only real goal with this party, this project, is friendship.  I don’t have a lot of real solid friendship and I’m lonely.  Very, very lonely.  In fact, I’ve brought those in my head back to me so that I’m not always so alone.  Sometimes they help, sometimes they just show me how alone I […]

After All This Time

People come in and out.  Not really there.  Only in my head.  With personality, plot, conversation.  You’ll hear me talking to myself.  Low mutters.  You won’t be able to make out what I’m saying, but you’ll hear me.  Talking to myself.  But really, I’m talking to them.  I know they aren’t real.  I know they […]

Cheese and Crack Jack-In-The-Box

My schizotypal is back in full force.  As strong as ever.  I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been off the medication that suppressed it, or if I’m feeling lonelier, or what.  I’d imagine, if anything, it would be a combination of the two.  But, I don’t really, conscientiously, feel very lonely.  If anything, as […]

The Game Of Life

House Well, we were in contract.  Papers were to be signed on the 29th.  Keys were to be handed over.  Then the bank that was selling, since it was a foreclosure, made a rather large change to the deal, and we said “hell no” and now there is no house. There was a significant amount […]

To Clarify

At this time, we are NOT stopping my appointments with my therapist and my psychiatrist.  We just took me of meds, life is a changing… ending those appointments would be dumb.  But they are being scaled back.  My meds appointments are in off-meds maintenance mode, I see her every other month.  Therapy is headed that […]

Need the Sounds Of Sanity

I’m sitting here, the only one awake in the house. Earbuds plugged into my left year, right free so I can listen for kid. I keep hearing voices in my right ear. Voices that in no way sync up to the music in my left. I take the sole earbud out, silence. I listen for […]


My schizotypal has all but disappeared in the past few weeks. I’m not sure what’s to blame. I’m not sure blame is even the best word to use. It had decreased dramatically with the introduction of the anti-psychotic into my system. It’s weird because my impulse when I walk down the stairs to the basement […]

Oh Dear God

Oh dear God. Pat, you do realize this is half the problem, right? The biggest threat to our marriage isn’t Andrew, Theo, or any other random guy. It’s the made up one in my head who goes by PC (Prince Charming aka Will). I’ve known him since I was 8. I’ve tailored him to be […]

My Father

With there being two recent post concerning him, I think it’s time I spill my guts. A long long time ago, my father invented the internet. As in he worked for network solutions and laid down cables that later became what we know today as the internet. A few years later, that company was bought […]

Other Personality Disorders

Any of these can go hand in hand with BPD Paranoid Personality Disorder – individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.Schizoid Personality Disorder – individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings. Schizotypal Personality Disorder – individual is uncomfortable in close […]

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