Sammy Archive

The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted March 28, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality DisorderSo the other night mid bedtime story to my Lou-Lou, I had a story idea come to me. I had half the key points but was missing a few “why’s” and “how’s” that I knew Pat would be able to fill in because he is the family story-teller. A few hours later, I wrote up the beginning and an outline for the rest, stuck his name on the cover with mine, and asked him to help with what is missing. 24 hours later, we are indeed cowriting our first fantasy based, young adult short story. I think we’ve also decided that we work really well this way so we’ll take his storytelling skill, and my getting it to paper skill, shake it up, and hopefully maybe have a new story published every few months. Because when we do it this way, it’s easy as can be. We can then publish each short story on Amazon/Kindle as an ebook, and boom, we’re in business!


This week in my store:

We are out and proud!

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog.


I didn’t write anywhere else recently.  I mean, I’m only writing 2 books now.  Actually, I’m barely passing as a functional adult.


In closing, the quote of the week

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”-Sammy
“Your Daddy…”-Pat
“That’s ok I guess… I want to be a Teacher.”-Sammy

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted March 21, 2015 By kmarrs

Borderline Personality Disorder Blog BPDI don’t know who taught my daughter the “Don’t step on a crack” game, but she’s convinced if she steps on a crack, she’s going to break my heart. So… That’s heartbreakingly adorable. I’m guessing she landed on a crack.

This week in my store:

Are you


Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up amount the top.  It’ll take you here.  I actually own the pink shirt.  No joke, I love it!  All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog.

I didn’t write anywhere else recently.  I’ve been too busy working on my book.  I’m about 10,000 words in, and damn proud.  I was going to print 4 mini memoirs, but I think I’ve decided that is stupid.  I’m not sure yet.  I’ll let you all know when anything gets published though, of course.

In closing, I’m introducing a quote of the week

Pat: Can I kiss your belly?
Sambam: No!
Pat: Can I kiss your foot?
Sambam: No!
Pat: Where can I kiss?
Sambam: Nowhere!
Pat: Why?!?
Sambam: I’m dang-ger-e-ous!

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Confidence and BPD

Posted March 19, 2015 By kmarrs

Parenting and Borderline Personality Disorder BPD and Self Confidence
I look at my daughter and see a world of confidence and can’t help but wonder if I had even half that much confidence at her age.  I know by the time I was 7 or 8 it was gone, but what about before that?

My daughter, if anything, has too much confidence.  The first instinct is to say not possible, then you reflect on ego, and second guess yourself.  The thing is, if she has this much confidence as an adult, yes, she might be a tad bit annoying.  Right now?  Well, it’s still annoying.  But…

She has her first bully to live through.  Middle school to survive.  She has not yet felt her first heart break.  She has yet to be teased for wearing Skechers when Nike is the brand of choice that month.  (Don’t worry, daughter, you’ll be ahead of the game when Skechers take their turn the following month.)

She has many years to come of people tearing her down before she becomes an adult, and I imagine it won’t fully stop there.  I can only hope that she has half the confidence at 23, as she does at 3.  If she does, I will have successfully raised her to be a confident adult.  Hopefully validating will help build that confidence in her.  And while I don’t want her to be egotistical, confidence makes for a strong individual.  A woman, or man, who knows what s(he) wants and how to get it without hurting others.

Where does the line between egotistical and confident lie?  I’m not quite sure.  However, I’m also raising my kids to know that we are all equal, no matter who we are.  Neither race, gender, sexuality, religion, nor social economical class makes anyone better than anyone else.  Hopefully, the line between ego and confidence lies in there somewhere.  As does knowing where strengths and weaknesses lie.

I have found, though, that for every weakness you point out, you need to also add two strengths.  It is a lot easier to shatter confidence than it is to shatter ego.  That is what I’m going wrong with Thomas.


I lack confidence so deeply, that I struggle to hear anything positive about myself.  Be it a result of my illness, bullying, or lack of validation, I don’t know.  I just hope to help my kids be the opposite of myself in all the way it counts.  Because I have to tell you: I would rather my daughter be egotistical at 33 than the confident mess her mother is at 31.

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10 Reasons To Let Sambam Live To See 3

Posted February 27, 2015 By kmarrs

Children of Borderline Parents

So I started this not long before Sambam’s 3rd birthday and apparently couldn’t come up with 10 reasons without resorting to “I actually love her” or “Murder is wrong”, so I’m going to revisit it now that she’s well into OMG THREE YEAR OLDS ARE PURE EVIL.  Ahem.  They are also more entertaining.

  1. She only really has 23 days to go.
  2. She pronounces futon as “puton”.
  3. When she’s defiant and says no, she says “no thank you”.
  4. She is an expert on zombies.  Both being one and remembering to double tap when her brother plays the zombie.
  5. When her aunt asked her the meaning of life recently, she replied “family and love”.
  6. Because while playing with the wrestler figures of an older boy I watch after school, the following came from her mouth:  “My name is Ciena and I love warm hugs”
  7. She has the sense of humor and spot on timing of a true comedian
  8. Because one day she was so excited to nom down on her string cheese, that she literally full force bit her own finger. Of course queue melt down inspired by being bit and being mad that she’s the one that did it and oh the pain and oh the shame. (It was a shame!)  Her daddy and I tried so hard not to laugh at her while comforting her.  AKA she’s pathetically adorable.
  9. She has most of the “Do You Want To Build A Snowman” song memorized.  Granted, her willingness to prove this is getting old.
  10. Because the sheer force of girl power that comes when she plays with her little cousin Rosie, who is basically only 2-3 months older than her, is awesome stuff.  They have their own language and if you could bottle the energy you could power entire cities, but it warms the heart.

Alright!  I should schedule this to drop around her half birthday.


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Borderline Personality Disorder BPD and emotions

This story was written a week ago and scheduled for today.  The moon in question is what Pat calls a “Valentine moon” and he’s been watching for it for a long time.  Now on to our story.

Pat called me while out to tell me to look at the moon: big, low, full, white, and beautiful.  I went out to look and was taken away by it, but was also in awe how clear the sky is tonight.  As we have little light pollution, we can really see the sky out here.

I immediately gathered the kids, including Sammy who I wrapped in a blanket, and took them out to see it all.  Sammy is always asking me to show her the stars, but it’s almost always too cloudy, so I basically rose the boys on my way to my daughter.

Once we were out there, she loved it all but it was Lucas who piped up with new-found knowledge.  He admired the moon, then immediately pointed out Orion, complaining he couldn’t see the sword.  Then I turned around and pointed over the carport and sure enough, he immediately recognized one of the two dippers.  We couldn’t see enough to know which one.

Coming back in I set Sammy down so she could go back to bed and she pulled my attention square on her and thanked me for showing her the stars. (I’m honestly starting to tear up here.) And I got down on her level, wrapped her in my arms, and told her that, that was “what life was about”. And it is.  If you aren’t waking your kids to show them the view like what we had tonight, you’re doing it wrong.  I don’t care what time it is and if it’s a school night.  Wasting the view we had would have been a waste of a life.

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Hold Up! We Have A Badass On Our Hands!

Posted February 10, 2015 By kmarrs

So my darling 3yo Sambam spends most of her afternoons surrounded by 6 older boys, not just her brothers. To say things get rough and tumble around here is like saying water is wet. To give all 6 boys credit though, they seem to recognize my little girl as a delicate sacred flower to be preserved at all costs. It helps that they’ve all met her very protective daddy.  Plus they all openly adore her, even her brothers.

Yet this delicate flower put them all to shame when she managed to get 4 stitches in her lower lip Wednesday night, 1 inside and 3 outside, without shedding a tear.

See she was copying the older boy’s game, only without the gross motor skills and judgment they have, and ended up essentially back flipping the side of her head into the coffee table and literally bit through her lower lip in the process.  And this isn’t one of those ironic uses of the word literally where they actually mean figuratively.  Teeth met teeth and lip was between.  Or would have been if she hadn’t bit through.

Of course, after the initial “oh shit what just happened” wore off she screamed bloody (again literally… my GOD the blood) murder from the moment I swooped her up til about half way to the ER.  Once there she turned on her charm and initiated playing wingman for her uncle David, who was set on trying to find a nurse for his own needs and personal care.  She basically beamed a holy grin and waved at every nurse and doctor that passed, and a fuss is made of her even when her grin isn’t bloody.

When the time came, they put numbing cream on her lip for a good 20 minutes while she and I discussed how sometimes her lovies get boo boos and Grandma stitches them up.  Well Sambam had a boo boo just like that and the doctor was going to stitch her up.  She nodded in understanding.  Then the doctor came back and had her lie down flat.  I told Sambam to just relax and close her eyes. I took one hand and David by my side, noting the hot female doctor’s wedding band, took her other hand, and Sambam received her stitches like a champ!

So she may be a flower, but if so she’s a daylily.  Which is oddly appropriate as a mixture of red and blonde.

bpd and parenting
bpd and parenting
bpd and parenting

The first two are before stitches, from the ER waiting room, where she was fascinated with the hole in her lip.

This kid. I tell you.

Bad. Ass.

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