Sammy Archive

The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted May 16, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

I think one of my favorite things about the new house is the yard and neighborhood around it.  My desk backs up to 3 floor to ceiling windows offering me an easy view of the entire backyard and a chunk of the hood.

In relation to this, my 3-year-old is getting to spread her freedom wings a lot earlier than her siblings were allowed to.  With a view of the back yard in front of my, and the back door to my immediate right, she’s able to play out there with me watching from my desk.  She has no interest in leaving the backyard, because let’s face it, it’s a kick-ass backyard.  It’s safe out there, in a way that reminds me of growing up in the 80’s.

It’s kind of awesome to watch her explore her (controlled) freedom.

 

This week in my store:

Profits from my store go towards supporting my family.

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog and my family at the same time!

 

Quote of the week:

Sammy: But why can’t I wear the other dress?

Me: Because it’s your special occasion dress.

Sammy: Like going to the doctor?

Me: No… Like Christmas.

 

In closing, this realization:

My husband is an ass.  I was actually out cold at a reasonable hour and he turned on the lights and shook me awake because he was alarmed I was wearing clothes.  I was wearing clothes because I had literally fallen face forward into bed and passed the fuck out because of how tired I was at like 7PM.

 

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted May 2, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

So I was released from the hospital Wednesday afternoon, but I had lunch there first.  It’s menu style where if you don’t order, you get the “special” but you can call down and order from the menu to get what you want.  I knew Sammy and Pat would be getting there about 11, and I knew lunch would be reaching me about 12.  I also had a feeling that a stressed out daddy will have forgotten to grab food from home for Sammy.  Hey, he was doing awesome, but an emergency surgery kind of fucks things up.

So, as they were getting there at 11, was right about when I needed to be calling to order my lunch.  I affirmed with a daddy who thought he had just fucked up that Sammy would be needing food.  I dialed down and timidly asked if I could order two lunches, basically, and that I was going to be sharing with my 3-year-old, uncertain what rules there might be.  The woman taking my order immediately lit up and started rambling about how she had all these chocolate chip cookies down there, would my baby want one, and what else might she like.

Sure enough, about an hour later two lunches showed up and a cookie that all but had Sammy’s name on it.  Please note, the patient didn’t get a cookie.  Only the baby. *sigh*

 

This week in my store:

Profits from my store go towards supporting my family.

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog.

 

Quote of the week:

“I like your boo-boos momma!  They’re my favorite colors!” (Purple bruising and traces of red blood.)

 

In closing, this realization:

So I had spent 24 hours pushing the Miralax trying to get things moving down there.  Apparently that is the LAST thing you want to do if your appendix is angry.  But I seriously and honestly thought for the first 24 hours, that I was just constipated.  Now that I’ve had my surgery, I’ve been warned that I might be a little constipated at first and that if I have any Miralax or such…

Also, while the surgery was fairly minor and routine, there is always the threat of not waking back up.  It happens.  Pat was paranoid.  I was not really thinking about it much.  People generally wake up.  Then I met my anesthesiologist and knew that I was in the best hands ever, as this man was born for the job.  I am as serious as can be.  His name?  Dr Sleeper!

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted April 18, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

So my monthly dinner party is tonight. The lovely Dez and Sarah will be joining me to celebrate spring! We’re going to be eating fresh and talking dirty. Wait. No. That sounds about right. Let’s just say the dinner parties imply we’re proper ladies, but well, only one of us actually identifies as a woman and the rest of us don’t keep the conversation clean for her sake.

Also, my hair is now blue. There are mini pics to the right. I’ll show something larger on Wednesday.

This week in my store:

My newest shirts

All items are now 15% off, and customer mother’s day gifts are 30% off! You do remember mother’s day is coming up, right?

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog.

 

Quote of the week:

“Napping is like a time machine…”-Pat
“No, no it’s not…”-Sammy

 

In closing, this confession:

So Thomas (11) has wanted his hair dyed blue since he was little. And as it’s just hair and something he wants for him, and summer nears, and well there is enough in the jar I used on mine… Yep. Kid just has to get out of school.

Meanwhile Sambam (3) also wants blue hair just like momma. And if she still wants it when she’s 11 and is no longer just trying to be like momma, she too can have funky hair. That’s the rule. 11 and not just trying to follow someone else’s lead.

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted March 28, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality DisorderSo the other night mid bedtime story to my Lou-Lou, I had a story idea come to me. I had half the key points but was missing a few “why’s” and “how’s” that I knew Pat would be able to fill in because he is the family story-teller. A few hours later, I wrote up the beginning and an outline for the rest, stuck his name on the cover with mine, and asked him to help with what is missing. 24 hours later, we are indeed cowriting our first fantasy based, young adult short story. I think we’ve also decided that we work really well this way so we’ll take his storytelling skill, and my getting it to paper skill, shake it up, and hopefully maybe have a new story published every few months. Because when we do it this way, it’s easy as can be. We can then publish each short story on Amazon/Kindle as an ebook, and boom, we’re in business!

 

This week in my store:

We are out and proud!

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog.

 

I didn’t write anywhere else recently.  I mean, I’m only writing 2 books now.  Actually, I’m barely passing as a functional adult.

 

In closing, the quote of the week

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”-Sammy
“Your Daddy…”-Pat
“That’s ok I guess… I want to be a Teacher.”-Sammy

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted March 21, 2015 By kmarrs

Borderline Personality Disorder Blog BPDI don’t know who taught my daughter the “Don’t step on a crack” game, but she’s convinced if she steps on a crack, she’s going to break my heart. So… That’s heartbreakingly adorable. I’m guessing she landed on a crack.

This week in my store:

Are you

 

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up amount the top.  It’ll take you here.  I actually own the pink shirt.  No joke, I love it!  All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog.

I didn’t write anywhere else recently.  I’ve been too busy working on my book.  I’m about 10,000 words in, and damn proud.  I was going to print 4 mini memoirs, but I think I’ve decided that is stupid.  I’m not sure yet.  I’ll let you all know when anything gets published though, of course.

In closing, I’m introducing a quote of the week

Pat: Can I kiss your belly?
Sambam: No!
Pat: Can I kiss your foot?
Sambam: No!
Pat: Where can I kiss?
Sambam: Nowhere!
Pat: Why?!?
Sambam: I’m dang-ger-e-ous!

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Confidence and BPD

Posted March 19, 2015 By kmarrs

Parenting and Borderline Personality Disorder BPD and Self Confidence
I look at my daughter and see a world of confidence and can’t help but wonder if I had even half that much confidence at her age.  I know by the time I was 7 or 8 it was gone, but what about before that?

My daughter, if anything, has too much confidence.  The first instinct is to say not possible, then you reflect on ego, and second guess yourself.  The thing is, if she has this much confidence as an adult, yes, she might be a tad bit annoying.  Right now?  Well, it’s still annoying.  But…

She has her first bully to live through.  Middle school to survive.  She has not yet felt her first heart break.  She has yet to be teased for wearing Skechers when Nike is the brand of choice that month.  (Don’t worry, daughter, you’ll be ahead of the game when Skechers take their turn the following month.)

She has many years to come of people tearing her down before she becomes an adult, and I imagine it won’t fully stop there.  I can only hope that she has half the confidence at 23, as she does at 3.  If she does, I will have successfully raised her to be a confident adult.  Hopefully validating will help build that confidence in her.  And while I don’t want her to be egotistical, confidence makes for a strong individual.  A woman, or man, who knows what s(he) wants and how to get it without hurting others.

Where does the line between egotistical and confident lie?  I’m not quite sure.  However, I’m also raising my kids to know that we are all equal, no matter who we are.  Neither race, gender, sexuality, religion, nor social economical class makes anyone better than anyone else.  Hopefully, the line between ego and confidence lies in there somewhere.  As does knowing where strengths and weaknesses lie.

I have found, though, that for every weakness you point out, you need to also add two strengths.  It is a lot easier to shatter confidence than it is to shatter ego.  That is what I’m going wrong with Thomas.

Myself?

I lack confidence so deeply, that I struggle to hear anything positive about myself.  Be it a result of my illness, bullying, or lack of validation, I don’t know.  I just hope to help my kids be the opposite of myself in all the way it counts.  Because I have to tell you: I would rather my daughter be egotistical at 33 than the confident mess her mother is at 31.

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