Quote Archive

The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted May 16, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

I think one of my favorite things about the new house is the yard and neighborhood around it.  My desk backs up to 3 floor to ceiling windows offering me an easy view of the entire backyard and a chunk of the hood.

In relation to this, my 3-year-old is getting to spread her freedom wings a lot earlier than her siblings were allowed to.  With a view of the back yard in front of my, and the back door to my immediate right, she’s able to play out there with me watching from my desk.  She has no interest in leaving the backyard, because let’s face it, it’s a kick-ass backyard.  It’s safe out there, in a way that reminds me of growing up in the 80’s.

It’s kind of awesome to watch her explore her (controlled) freedom.


This week in my store:

Profits from my store go towards supporting my family.

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog and my family at the same time!


Quote of the week:

Sammy: But why can’t I wear the other dress?

Me: Because it’s your special occasion dress.

Sammy: Like going to the doctor?

Me: No… Like Christmas.


In closing, this realization:

My husband is an ass.  I was actually out cold at a reasonable hour and he turned on the lights and shook me awake because he was alarmed I was wearing clothes.  I was wearing clothes because I had literally fallen face forward into bed and passed the fuck out because of how tired I was at like 7PM.


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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted May 2, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

So I was released from the hospital Wednesday afternoon, but I had lunch there first.  It’s menu style where if you don’t order, you get the “special” but you can call down and order from the menu to get what you want.  I knew Sammy and Pat would be getting there about 11, and I knew lunch would be reaching me about 12.  I also had a feeling that a stressed out daddy will have forgotten to grab food from home for Sammy.  Hey, he was doing awesome, but an emergency surgery kind of fucks things up.

So, as they were getting there at 11, was right about when I needed to be calling to order my lunch.  I affirmed with a daddy who thought he had just fucked up that Sammy would be needing food.  I dialed down and timidly asked if I could order two lunches, basically, and that I was going to be sharing with my 3-year-old, uncertain what rules there might be.  The woman taking my order immediately lit up and started rambling about how she had all these chocolate chip cookies down there, would my baby want one, and what else might she like.

Sure enough, about an hour later two lunches showed up and a cookie that all but had Sammy’s name on it.  Please note, the patient didn’t get a cookie.  Only the baby. *sigh*


This week in my store:

Profits from my store go towards supporting my family.

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog.


Quote of the week:

“I like your boo-boos momma!  They’re my favorite colors!” (Purple bruising and traces of red blood.)


In closing, this realization:

So I had spent 24 hours pushing the Miralax trying to get things moving down there.  Apparently that is the LAST thing you want to do if your appendix is angry.  But I seriously and honestly thought for the first 24 hours, that I was just constipated.  Now that I’ve had my surgery, I’ve been warned that I might be a little constipated at first and that if I have any Miralax or such…

Also, while the surgery was fairly minor and routine, there is always the threat of not waking back up.  It happens.  Pat was paranoid.  I was not really thinking about it much.  People generally wake up.  Then I met my anesthesiologist and knew that I was in the best hands ever, as this man was born for the job.  I am as serious as can be.  His name?  Dr Sleeper!

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The Last Dwarf: A Sample

Posted April 1, 2015 By kmarrs

Below is a rough draft of the opening of a short story I intend to publish with Pat.  I was hoping to share it here so I might receive feedback.  I’m not looking for edits, as I know it’s rough.  But does it grab your attention?  Would you want to read more?  Any feedback you have would be amazing as I hope to go somewhere with this. Please?  Even if you’ve never commented before, now is your chance!

The Mountain Uzun was nondescript to the unknowing eye.  Centuries ago it was a hub of Dwarfish activity. It was rare to see the Dwarves themselves, as deep below tunnels took them to and fro from the kingdom of Zarakzig, but mining and trading activity was evident to those they shared the land with above ground, and hunting parties could been seen coming and going when the stores of food became low.

The Dwarves were a private race.  Greed and a sense of superiority kept them from associating with those who lived outside the mountain.  Even when need was dire, the Dwarves were too proud to call to the elves or, Rielel forbid, the common man.  So it is of little surprise that when the great fever came, it wiped out all traces of the race, before the great kingdom of Zarakzig had a chance to lower their pride and call for help.

Nalri 4

The mountain now sits barren above and below.  No life has been seen to come or go for quite some time now.  The young children of man hear stories of how their great-great-grand pappies use to see the occasional dwarf in town, trading for the few things the dwarves could acquire no other way.  These days the dwarves are nothing but a legend of old.

The existence of Nalri Deepwise is unknown to all but him. No one expected a single Dwarf to survive the great fever that came and took out all of his people in the span of a week.  Nalri himself was only spared because he was out gathering raw mithril when the fever swept through Zarakzig.  Mithril was becoming a rare commodity, so his search for it had him gone for a good portion of the year, traveling far and wide, so he was long gone when the fever hit, and the dwarves of Zarakzig were long gone, when he returned.

If not for the notes of the Clerics attempting to heal and prevent the extermination of their race, Nalri would not know of his people being fine one day, and waking to fevers that boiled their insides, and left mass dehydration and death in its wake as the fever swept through.  The Clerics never had the chance to know where the fever came from.  The mighty warriors showed the first signs, but it spread so fast from there, that the entire kingdom was dead, before the first few infected warriors could have funeral rights performed.

It took days for Nalri, the last of his kind, to gather all the bodies into funeral pyres, and dispose of the dead.  He remained stoic through it all, in shock that it could happen so fast.  About the time he got to the special pyre for his wife, and wee lad of a son, he was set in his decision that this had to have been some disease brought in from the elves or the dirty and lesser man.  He decided then and there he would never again make contact with the outside world and as far as they were concerned, he had died with the rest of his kind.

That was nearly 400 years ago and he had not changed his mind since he lit the pyre and watched the family he had just started building, burn.

It will be a young adult fantasy short story.

So… Did it pull you in? Are you wanting to read more?

I’m hoping to be done by the end of April for a May release on Kindle and maybe print, though I need to look into that more.

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Borderline Personality Disorder BPD and FriendshipA direct copy/paste of a conversation with a dear friend.  Please note, this friend, her partner, Pat, and I have monthly dinner parties.  They are fun little get-togethers that force me to be social, and Sarah and Dez are my kind of people even when I don’t like people.

And Action:

yeah that would be cool and that’s good. how is the family doing?

Not too bad
sick the whole lot of them. I’m the only one that has stayed healthy which is odd.
Pat has bronchial pneumonia
Sambam is coughing so bad she keeps puking. Luke and Thomas it’s just coughing.

oh my good glob that is horrible, i hope everyone starts feeling better soon and glad you’ve been able to stay healthy.

I’m a mental mess but I’ll pull through. I’m well medicated and have a good team professionally and support in friends and family.
When I try to cancel this next party, show up anyway, fuck the theme, and just force me to hang out. That goes for the next few. Maybe bring chocolate. Probably bring chocolate.

with everything you have going on i couldn’t imagine glad to hear that you have a good support system all the way around and the meds are helping. you know i am here for you no matter what. i love you and your whole family. haha sounds good. i wanted to talk you about that, we could just hang out fuck the theme. i mean i can still bring pretty fruit and chocolate, even chocolate covered strawberries?

omg yes
I’m still doing the salmon and salad because that sounds good to me

sounds fine and we can throw you money towards that?


i was afraid there would be too many dishes. i would still like to find the purple asparagus and make that

That sounds delish. Grill it with some lemon

sounds wonderful

sounds like a plan


so salmon, salad, asparagus, and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert

omg i just want to eat that right meow

I’m hungry as it is

i didn’t think i was until we discussed this lol

Pat was cooking for me, luckily

pat’s awesome

He is

And scene!

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted March 28, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality DisorderSo the other night mid bedtime story to my Lou-Lou, I had a story idea come to me. I had half the key points but was missing a few “why’s” and “how’s” that I knew Pat would be able to fill in because he is the family story-teller. A few hours later, I wrote up the beginning and an outline for the rest, stuck his name on the cover with mine, and asked him to help with what is missing. 24 hours later, we are indeed cowriting our first fantasy based, young adult short story. I think we’ve also decided that we work really well this way so we’ll take his storytelling skill, and my getting it to paper skill, shake it up, and hopefully maybe have a new story published every few months. Because when we do it this way, it’s easy as can be. We can then publish each short story on Amazon/Kindle as an ebook, and boom, we’re in business!


This week in my store:

We are out and proud!

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog.


I didn’t write anywhere else recently.  I mean, I’m only writing 2 books now.  Actually, I’m barely passing as a functional adult.


In closing, the quote of the week

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”-Sammy
“Your Daddy…”-Pat
“That’s ok I guess… I want to be a Teacher.”-Sammy

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We all go through life hearing many things about ourselves.  Telling ourselves many things about ourselves.  These little facts.  These little truths.  These little half truths.  These little falsehoods.  These statements that shape how we see ourselves and how we feel about ourselves.  These words are adjectives.  And sadly, all too many are negative.

People will take the time to tell you that you are: annoying, stupid, ugly, fat, crazy, failing, etc.  Whether it’s actually true or not.  (We usually believe it either way.)

How often do people take the time to tell us the good, great, amazing things about ourselves?

Those adjectives, especially when meant, are called validation.

And validation is really fucking important.

I have decided to raise my kids on validation.  Oh, they are by no means perfect, as no one is, but they are still going to grow up hearing all the amazing things about themselves.  They need to know that in an imperfect existence is still beauty, that isn’t even hard to find.

Also, I am known for a temper that I take out on those I love, so they at least need me to counter that with a ton of validation.

So all three of my kids, whether they roll their eye or not, get a regular dose of validation.  Some days I even make them repeat it back.

You are smart.

You are pretty/handsome.

You are silly/witty.

You are special.

You are important.

You are loved.

You are valued.

Of course, that sometimes bites me in the ass.

Like the time Sambam wanted some treat or such there was only one of, meaning her brother would be left out on.  I informed her she wasn’t special (opps mom!)  She called me on it and informed me she was too special!  So I paused, took a deep breath, and agreed that yes, she was special, but no more or less special than her brothers.

Children with Borderline Parents

The Sun Shines Out Her Bum

Also, there was this gem from tonight that while vain, tells me she is at least listening.

Me: See you tomorrow baby!
Sam: See you tomorrow momma
Me: I love you!
Sam: I love you too
Me: You’re beautiful!
Sam: I know

It has to be noted that lack of validation in childhood and the young adult years can be a huge factor for someone developing Borderline Personality Disorder.  I can’t help but be aware of the gene pool my kids were born into, but I can counter it the best I can.

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