Quote Archive

The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted June 6, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

I know.  I’m sorry.  I haven’t written a word all week worth anything.  Not even in any of my books.  I guess… It’s not lack of anything to write as much as its lack of ability.  If it makes you feel any better, it took most the week to remember how to read.

Sister is doing well.  She had to go back to the ER for a second quick operation.  They basically poked a camera around and did some cleanup to figure out why the drains were filling so fast.  Nothing major, especially compared to what she went through the day prior.

She spent a couple of days refusing to wake up.  Not in a dangerous way.  She just had a lot of crap to sleep off and I think overall for those couple of days life was less miserable if she slept.  We could get the occasional response when she wasn’t in a deep sleep.  It had us in a tizzy because we were desperate to see her alert, but the nurses were all quick to assure she was fine.  All her numbers (bilirubin, blood pressure, hemoglobin, heart rate) were all looking amazing compared to how they had been just two days prior so she was healthier already.

Personally, while I wanted to see her alert just as bad as mom did, I assured her she had my support to keep on sleeping until she was ready.

Then when she was ready, she woke up.

This week in my store:

Ask me about my fandom tshirts
Ask me about my fandom tshirts by Wearables4Edibles
Find more Fandom T-Shirts at Zazzle

Profits from my store go towards supporting my family.

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog and my family at the same time!  Seriously.  This and my writing (books/blog) are what I currently do for a living now.

 

In closing, this quote:

 

Sambam has learned she is three.  She has now decided she needs three of everything.  Three cereal bars, three stories at bedtime, etc.

The other night she saw she had three of the same book from Wendy’s and she goes, “Three color books!?!  I know I’m three but I don’t need three color books!  That’s ridiculous!”

And this cute realization:

The ferret doesn’t seem to care when we yell at the boys, but when we yell at Sammy he gets really defensive of her.  He’ll stand up in his cage staring us down like, “I will fight you!  That is the girl child and no one yells at the girl child!  Don’t make me come up there!  I will fight you!”

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted May 16, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

I think one of my favorite things about the new house is the yard and neighborhood around it.  My desk backs up to 3 floor to ceiling windows offering me an easy view of the entire backyard and a chunk of the hood.

In relation to this, my 3-year-old is getting to spread her freedom wings a lot earlier than her siblings were allowed to.  With a view of the back yard in front of my, and the back door to my immediate right, she’s able to play out there with me watching from my desk.  She has no interest in leaving the backyard, because let’s face it, it’s a kick-ass backyard.  It’s safe out there, in a way that reminds me of growing up in the 80’s.

It’s kind of awesome to watch her explore her (controlled) freedom.

 

This week in my store:

  • Caticorn Travel Mug
  • Caticorn Temporary Tattoos

Profits from my store go towards supporting my family.

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog and my family at the same time!

 

Quote of the week:

Sammy: But why can’t I wear the other dress?

Me: Because it’s your special occasion dress.

Sammy: Like going to the doctor?

Me: No… Like Christmas.

 

In closing, this realization:

My husband is an ass.  I was actually out cold at a reasonable hour and he turned on the lights and shook me awake because he was alarmed I was wearing clothes.  I was wearing clothes because I had literally fallen face forward into bed and passed the fuck out because of how tired I was at like 7PM.

 

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The Last Dwarf: A Sample

Posted April 1, 2015 By kmarrs

Below is a rough draft of the opening of a short story I intend to publish with Pat.  I was hoping to share it here so I might receive feedback.  I’m not looking for edits, as I know it’s rough.  But does it grab your attention?  Would you want to read more?  Any feedback you have would be amazing as I hope to go somewhere with this. Please?  Even if you’ve never commented before, now is your chance!

The Mountain Uzun was nondescript to the unknowing eye.  Centuries ago it was a hub of Dwarfish activity. It was rare to see the Dwarves themselves, as deep below tunnels took them to and fro from the kingdom of Zarakzig, but mining and trading activity was evident to those they shared the land with above ground, and hunting parties could been seen coming and going when the stores of food became low.

The Dwarves were a private race.  Greed and a sense of superiority kept them from associating with those who lived outside the mountain.  Even when need was dire, the Dwarves were too proud to call to the elves or, Rielel forbid, the common man.  So it is of little surprise that when the great fever came, it wiped out all traces of the race, before the great kingdom of Zarakzig had a chance to lower their pride and call for help.

Nalri 4

The mountain now sits barren above and below.  No life has been seen to come or go for quite some time now.  The young children of man hear stories of how their great-great-grand pappies use to see the occasional dwarf in town, trading for the few things the dwarves could acquire no other way.  These days the dwarves are nothing but a legend of old.

The existence of Nalri Deepwise is unknown to all but him. No one expected a single Dwarf to survive the great fever that came and took out all of his people in the span of a week.  Nalri himself was only spared because he was out gathering raw mithril when the fever swept through Zarakzig.  Mithril was becoming a rare commodity, so his search for it had him gone for a good portion of the year, traveling far and wide, so he was long gone when the fever hit, and the dwarves of Zarakzig were long gone, when he returned.

If not for the notes of the Clerics attempting to heal and prevent the extermination of their race, Nalri would not know of his people being fine one day, and waking to fevers that boiled their insides, and left mass dehydration and death in its wake as the fever swept through.  The Clerics never had the chance to know where the fever came from.  The mighty warriors showed the first signs, but it spread so fast from there, that the entire kingdom was dead, before the first few infected warriors could have funeral rights performed.

It took days for Nalri, the last of his kind, to gather all the bodies into funeral pyres, and dispose of the dead.  He remained stoic through it all, in shock that it could happen so fast.  About the time he got to the special pyre for his wife, and wee lad of a son, he was set in his decision that this had to have been some disease brought in from the elves or the dirty and lesser man.  He decided then and there he would never again make contact with the outside world and as far as they were concerned, he had died with the rest of his kind.

That was nearly 400 years ago and he had not changed his mind since he lit the pyre and watched the family he had just started building, burn.

It will be a young adult fantasy short story.

So… Did it pull you in? Are you wanting to read more?

I’m hoping to be done by the end of April for a May release on Kindle and maybe print, though I need to look into that more.

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Borderline Personality Disorder BPD and FriendshipA direct copy/paste of a conversation with a dear friend.  Please note, this friend, her partner, Pat, and I have monthly dinner parties.  They are fun little get-togethers that force me to be social, and Sarah and Dez are my kind of people even when I don’t like people.

And Action:

Dez
yeah that would be cool and that’s good. how is the family doing?

Karen
Not too bad
sick the whole lot of them. I’m the only one that has stayed healthy which is odd.
Pat has bronchial pneumonia
Sambam is coughing so bad she keeps puking. Luke and Thomas it’s just coughing.

Dez
oh my good glob that is horrible, i hope everyone starts feeling better soon and glad you’ve been able to stay healthy.

Karen 
I’m a mental mess but I’ll pull through. I’m well medicated and have a good team professionally and support in friends and family.
When I try to cancel this next party, show up anyway, fuck the theme, and just force me to hang out. That goes for the next few. Maybe bring chocolate. Probably bring chocolate.

Dez 
with everything you have going on i couldn’t imagine glad to hear that you have a good support system all the way around and the meds are helping. you know i am here for you no matter what. i love you and your whole family. haha sounds good. i wanted to talk you about that, we could just hang out fuck the theme. i mean i can still bring pretty fruit and chocolate, even chocolate covered strawberries?

Karen 
omg yes
I’m still doing the salmon and salad because that sounds good to me

Dez 
sounds fine and we can throw you money towards that?

Karen 
Sure

Dez 
i was afraid there would be too many dishes. i would still like to find the purple asparagus and make that

Karen
That sounds delish. Grill it with some lemon

Dez 
sounds wonderful

Karen 
sounds like a plan

Dez 
great

Karen
so salmon, salad, asparagus, and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert

Dez
omg i just want to eat that right meow

Karen
I’m hungry as it is

Dez
i didn’t think i was until we discussed this lol

Karen
Pat was cooking for me, luckily

Dez
pat’s awesome

Karen
He is

And scene!

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We all go through life hearing many things about ourselves.  Telling ourselves many things about ourselves.  These little facts.  These little truths.  These little half truths.  These little falsehoods.  These statements that shape how we see ourselves and how we feel about ourselves.  These words are adjectives.  And sadly, all too many are negative.

People will take the time to tell you that you are: annoying, stupid, ugly, fat, crazy, failing, etc.  Whether it’s actually true or not.  (We usually believe it either way.)

How often do people take the time to tell us the good, great, amazing things about ourselves?

Those adjectives, especially when meant, are called validation.

And validation is really fucking important.

I have decided to raise my kids on validation.  Oh, they are by no means perfect, as no one is, but they are still going to grow up hearing all the amazing things about themselves.  They need to know that in an imperfect existence is still beauty, that isn’t even hard to find.

Also, I am known for a temper that I take out on those I love, so they at least need me to counter that with a ton of validation.

So all three of my kids, whether they roll their eye or not, get a regular dose of validation.  Some days I even make them repeat it back.

You are smart.

You are pretty/handsome.

You are silly/witty.

You are special.

You are important.

You are loved.

You are valued.

Of course, that sometimes bites me in the ass.

Like the time Sambam wanted some treat or such there was only one of, meaning her brother would be left out on.  I informed her she wasn’t special (opps mom!)  She called me on it and informed me she was too special!  So I paused, took a deep breath, and agreed that yes, she was special, but no more or less special than her brothers.

Children with Borderline Parents

The Sun Shines Out Her Bum

Also, there was this gem from tonight that while vain, tells me she is at least listening.

Me: See you tomorrow baby!
Sam: See you tomorrow momma
Me: I love you!
Sam: I love you too
Me: You’re beautiful!
Sam: I know

It has to be noted that lack of validation in childhood and the young adult years can be a huge factor for someone developing Borderline Personality Disorder.  I can’t help but be aware of the gene pool my kids were born into, but I can counter it the best I can.

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Life Changing Breakthrough in One Scene

Posted February 28, 2014 By kmarrs

BPD Career GoalsAnd ACTION!

Karen Marrs
According to the internet I’m part banana. And you could be up to 10% more or less banana than I.
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/4794434/Bananana/
Karen Marrs
You know, fuck opening a practice… I should go into the research side of things. Genetics, etc.
What DNA marker, if any, makes a person more predisposed to depression, etc? What can be done about it? Science is headed towards fucking with DNA to “fix” people, so why not play my role as a scientist?
http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/26/health/ivf-mitochondria/index.html?sr=fb022614threeparentbabies9p
It took them awhile but scientific research lead to the discovery of the correlation between the veins in the hands and fibro, now scientists have to decide how to use that knowledge to fix fibro for good.
I could do that shit!
Patrick Marrs
DNA = Chem -nods- you would be good at Chem
Karen Marrs
I slept through high school chem. It was at like 8AM. You do the math. Or I showed up late because I “missed my bus”, with Starbucks in hand. But shit, the Starbucks right there at and was walking distance from my high school. If they had given me means to buy coffee, real coffee, at school, I wouldn’t have been late to chem and I might have actually stayed awake.
Karen Marrs
If I did go into research my degrees in business would be pointless. I mean, I’m still getting my bachelors in that because that is useful no matter the field. Even science is a business, sadly. But I could do right from this bachelors to my doctorates. I need to rethink everything. I mean, I want to help people and with my own practice I could do that, but think of the people I could help on the research side of things? I could do what the big bang characters do, only at OSU.
Karen Marrs
And, here is where I go vain. Most people are right-brained or left-brained. I’m both. How many research scientists can claim that?  How many can really think logically AND creatively. Scientific research could use more creative thinking. When logic just doesn’t seem to be working, I’m really good at thinking outside the box. Fuck, my box doesn’t even exist!9:14 PM
My bachelors in business, my masters in psychology, then pre-med, then med. Then I go from there.
Patrick Marrs
This conversation is smarter than me which tells me that whatever you decide will be well-informed and ‘right’.
Karen Marrs
Holy hell
This feels so right!

And SCENE!

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