Pat Archive

Baby Fever

Posted April 14, 2015 By kmarrs

It’s fairly well documented that I get baby fever something fierce when my youngest is about 3 years old.  Sure enough, my kids are basically 4 years apart, currently 11, 7, and 3.

You guessed it; OMG do I have the fever!  Like you wouldn’t believe.

Now, this is obviously the worst time ever to have a baby and I already have three, so… no.  No more babies especially not right now!  (No self, no!)  Luckily, I’m fixed. Follow that link.  It sums up nicely why a 4th baby is right out.  That and my pregnancy with Sambam nearly killed me.  There is an entire category that gives you the play by play there.

So Pat does what Pat does, and he took my to the pet store.  I have to say, the entire trip and purchase, because of course there was a purchase, was 100% his idea meaning he can’t even get upset at me for it.  In fact, he thanked me!  He freakin’ thanked me for allowing him to bring a furbaby into the house.  If that isn’t BPD manipulation, I don’t know what is.  I’ve only wanted one of these forever.

So, meet Sweet Pea.  Named because she is as sweet as sugar, and because she peed all over my husband in the early hours of joining the family.  (We didn’t have her home/potty set up yet and there had been a car ride.)

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Also, as I’ve bitched about money on here in the past few months, it’s worth stating the following:

  • All bills are paid up to date.
  • Kids have new and a responsible amount of clothing for the coming season.
  • We have all material needs, and some wants, met and recently.
  • David, my brother-in-law who lives here, just found a job and all the above should remain true for the foreseeable future.
  • Babies cost more than we spent on Sweet Pea.
  • She has my husband trained to snuggle her when she whines at him.
  • My heart is full of glee.
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Wordless Wednesday: Bearded Dragon Style

Posted April 8, 2015 By kmarrs

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted March 28, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality DisorderSo the other night mid bedtime story to my Lou-Lou, I had a story idea come to me. I had half the key points but was missing a few “why’s” and “how’s” that I knew Pat would be able to fill in because he is the family story-teller. A few hours later, I wrote up the beginning and an outline for the rest, stuck his name on the cover with mine, and asked him to help with what is missing. 24 hours later, we are indeed cowriting our first fantasy based, young adult short story. I think we’ve also decided that we work really well this way so we’ll take his storytelling skill, and my getting it to paper skill, shake it up, and hopefully maybe have a new story published every few months. Because when we do it this way, it’s easy as can be. We can then publish each short story on Amazon/Kindle as an ebook, and boom, we’re in business!

 

This week in my store:

We are out and proud!

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog.

 

I didn’t write anywhere else recently.  I mean, I’m only writing 2 books now.  Actually, I’m barely passing as a functional adult.

 

In closing, the quote of the week

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”-Sammy
“Your Daddy…”-Pat
“That’s ok I guess… I want to be a Teacher.”-Sammy

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted March 21, 2015 By kmarrs

Borderline Personality Disorder Blog BPDI don’t know who taught my daughter the “Don’t step on a crack” game, but she’s convinced if she steps on a crack, she’s going to break my heart. So… That’s heartbreakingly adorable. I’m guessing she landed on a crack.

This week in my store:

Are you

 

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up amount the top.  It’ll take you here.  I actually own the pink shirt.  No joke, I love it!  All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog.

I didn’t write anywhere else recently.  I’ve been too busy working on my book.  I’m about 10,000 words in, and damn proud.  I was going to print 4 mini memoirs, but I think I’ve decided that is stupid.  I’m not sure yet.  I’ll let you all know when anything gets published though, of course.

In closing, I’m introducing a quote of the week

Pat: Can I kiss your belly?
Sambam: No!
Pat: Can I kiss your foot?
Sambam: No!
Pat: Where can I kiss?
Sambam: Nowhere!
Pat: Why?!?
Sambam: I’m dang-ger-e-ous!

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When Sexualities Collide

Posted March 11, 2015 By kmarrs

Sexuality and BPD and marriageThere is of course a downside to the match made in the stars, that is Pat and I.  Can you guess it?  Ah yes.  I’m asexual and he is not.

Now, to be fair to me I am Asexual-grey so I do feel a sexual attraction to my husband, but my sex drive itself is hit and miss.  More than he’d prefer, that’s for sure.  I can’t blame him.  He is a fully functioning sexual being.  There is nothing wrong with being asexual, but it can complicate romantic relationships where the other person isn’t also asexual.

So, he works on patience with me and learns what can trigger my sexual appetite.  Not to take advantage of me, but to broach the subject.  He has always taken no for an answer.  Always.  Him trying to tempt me is never abusive nor nearing anything that could hint at rape.  However, he also knows that a 20$ or even a 10$ handed to me to go treat myself to books usually makes me very thankful.  I mean, if you’re going to buy my affections, books is the only way to do so.  Or maybe shoes.  But no.  Pat is the only one that can pull off that trick without receiving a throat punch.

In addition, I work on evaluating my situation.  Am I horny?  Yes?  Have sex.  No?  Ok, well does the thought repulse me?  Yes?  Don’t have sex.  No?  Consider having sex.  I don’t have to be OMG IN THE MOOD to be willing to show physical affection to my husband.  I just have to be willing to show physical affection.  In a sexual way.  There are various degrees of compromise; and sometimes we start and I’m just not into it, can’t get into it, so we stop.

But if he is willing to be patient, I’m willing to try for sexual more often.  I don’t find it degrading or him being disrespectful.  If he refused to acknowledge my lack of sexuality or pressured me into it when I’ve said no, that would be an insult.  This isn’t even me caving to my wifely duty.  This is me loving my husband.  And sometimes I agree to love him physically even if I think I’d be ok never having sex again.  When it comes down to it, well, if nothing else, it’s great exercise, and it’s safe as we’re both clean, can’t get pregnant, and in love.

That doesn’t mean it isn’t frustrating for him at times that I can’t keep up with his desires.

For the record, this is one reason I suggested (didn’t agree to but suggested) an open marriage.  Granted, he only has one woman at this time he’d consider being with aside from me, and she isn’t local.  Should he meet someone local, we’ll reassess.  Mostly because I’d need to trust her and her intentions with my husband.  His unicorn, as we call our outside of the marriage loves, would never ever hurt me in being with him.  So I can trust them both fully, and this is essential.

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Sexuality marriage and BPDI, for so many years, have known my husband and me to be a complicated mix of male/female with neither one of us fully subscribing to our assigned gender. It’s one of the reasons I’ve always gone back to him when I’ve left: I know no one else can complete me like he does.

With the post on my sexuality still pending, I had him read it and then asked him to expand upon what he thought his gender alignment to be. After a long talk it came to the agreed up conclusion that the old joke that “he is a lesbian trapped in a man’s body”, was not far from the truth.

You see, he really is at this point transgender. He was assigned male at birth, but relates more to the female gender. He’s not going to bother with a sex change, though, because he’s never seen a point, and he has a wife who is happy to let him be his inner woman. His sex organs are what they are, and as for “he/him” as his pronouns, he’s too lazy to bother caring or try to get us to change it.  Also, he doesn’t consider it insulting.  Never the less, he doesn’t really like being called a man, but he keeps that battle inside, and is glad “Pat” is so androgynous.

Should he have gone through the change, he would for sure be a lesbian. And no, that does not just make him a straight man. True gender is in the heart, not the parts.

Meanwhile there is me who doesn’t really feel like a woman, but doesn’t really feel like a man either. I’m not agender.  I’m just me; a mostly woman with definite girl parts, but both male and female feelings and character traits. I’m just me; a panromantic, asexual, demi-girl, and I love my lover no matter the parts or pronouns.  Because Pat completes and complements my gender in a way no one else could.  We were able to give each other children.  He is strong where I’m weak.  I’m strong where he’s weak.  Put us together and we are whole and one in a million.

For any number of things could have preventing us from meeting at that LARP game that Friday night. Instead, the stars aligned, the heavens took over, we met, we became friends, we feel in love, and we became what each other needed in a lover.

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