My Sister Archive

The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted June 6, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

I know.  I’m sorry.  I haven’t written a word all week worth anything.  Not even in any of my books.  I guess… It’s not lack of anything to write as much as its lack of ability.  If it makes you feel any better, it took most the week to remember how to read.

Sister is doing well.  She had to go back to the OR for a second quick operation.  They basically poked a camera around and did some cleanup to figure out why the drains were filling so fast.  Nothing major, especially compared to what she went through the day prior.

She spent a couple of days refusing to wake up.  Not in a dangerous way.  She just had a lot of crap to sleep off and I think overall for those couple of days life was less miserable if she slept.  We could get the occasional response when she wasn’t in a deep sleep.  It had us in a tizzy because we were desperate to see her alert, but the nurses were all quick to assure she was fine.  All her numbers (bilirubin, blood pressure, hemoglobin, heart rate) were all looking amazing compared to how they had been just two days prior so she was healthier already.

Personally, while I wanted to see her alert just as bad as mom did, I assured her she had my support to keep on sleeping until she was ready.

Then when she was ready, she woke up.

This week in my store:

Ask me about my fandom tshirts
Ask me about my fandom tshirts by Wearables4Edibles
Find more Fandom T-Shirts at Zazzle

Profits from my store go towards supporting my family.

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog and my family at the same time!  Seriously.  This and my writing (books/blog) are what I currently do for a living now.

In closing, this quote:

Sambam has learned she is three.  She has now decided she needs three of everything.  Three cereal bars, three stories at bedtime, etc.

The other night she saw she had three of the same book from Wendy’s and she goes, “Three color books!?!  I know I’m three but I don’t need three color books!  That’s ridiculous!”

And this cute realization:

The ferret doesn’t seem to care when we yell at the boys, but when we yell at Sammy he gets really defensive of her.  He’ll stand up in his cage staring us down like, “I will fight you!  That is the girl child and no one yells at the girl child!  Don’t make me come up there!  I will fight you!”

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My Baby Sister’s Liver

Posted May 30, 2015 By kmarrs

Liver failure blog bpd borderline personality disorderShe has a new liver! My baby sister has a new liver! They found a match in good shape! She was wheeled into surgery this morning! There were no complications! She’s going to live!

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted May 23, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

As of this past Wednesday, my baby sister is officially on the list for a liver transplant.  Which, when I heard the news I broke out sobbing and my husband thought it was bad news until I could choke the words out.

She is at the very top of the list for her blood type meaning it can all go fast.  In fact, and this is the horrible side of it, this weekend is one of the highest when it comes to mortality rates.  Meaning my sister very well could get her new liver this weekend.

Which is good because she’s going downhill fast.  Her kidneys are failing, she’s having trouble breathing, and she’s losing a lot of blood.  They are fighting to keep her going but she needs a liver asap or she won’t live long enough to get a transplant.

If you pray, please pray that the liver comes NOW and please also pray for the donor family.  They are losing someone they love, and that someone is giving my sister life.

Also, please be safe this holiday weekend.  I don’t want any of you to be the donor.

This week in my store:

Cute But Psycho T Shirt
Cute But Psycho T Shirt by Wearables4Edibles
Make your own custom tshirts online at Zazzle

Profits from my store go towards supporting my family.

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog and my family at the same time!

 

In closing, this cute moment:

We can’t watch Netflix on our TV because we have no means, but our tv is tiny anyway, so it’s no big deal to just watch on the computer.  This becomes complicated, however, when the entire family wants to watch something.

So our solution last night was to pull a couch around to face my computer, pull my monitor to the edge of my desk, and snuggle close to watch.  This is how the boys and I watch Galaxy Quest last night.  It was the best way ever to watch a horribly cheesy movie.

 

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Two Medical Updates

Posted May 10, 2015 By kmarrs

Borderline Personality Disorder BlogMe:

So Geodon withdraw started Monday and it was the worst it’s ever been.  It didn’t help that I was under high stress and recovering from an appendectomy.  My blood pressure went through the roof, I had no appetite, I couldn’t control my body temperature, and was running a fever.

On Thursday I decided it was in my best interest to go back to the hospital and get checked over.  I filled them in on everything from the amount of stress, the withdraw and why, and of course the surgery.  I told them that chances were it was all just this withdraw in which case I could continue to ride it out, but with the surgery being in the mix, I needed to play is safe.  The doctor agreed with all that and did a complete work up of my blood, urine, and a chest x ray since I was having some trouble breathing.

The end result was that it was indeed just the withdraw but while I was there she gave me a dose of Ativan and holy hell did I almost immediately feel my blood pressure drop towards normal, and I regained control of my body temp.

Upon leaving the hospital I called my mom and filled her in on that and she agreed to pick me up in the morning to get my Ativan filled.  Of all my meds it was the one I was least concerned about, and yet it helps with the withdraw.  Go figure.  It was also only 40$.  The only medication that low.

Then later that day, Friday, health insurance cards showed up and I was out the door and on my way to the pharmacy within 10 minutes.

Backing up to Wednesday: Pat had been given a script for Cymbalta that later caused too many side effects.  He remembered he had this and got it filled, for me, since he still had his insurance.  So come Friday morning I was on both Cymbalta and Ativan.

Come Friday night, I was on everything.  Now, I KNOW it’s bad to start 4 meds at once, so hear me out.  I had been on the Cymbalta for a couple of days with no side effects.  I never start Cymbalta without side effects, which tells me my body was still adjusted to it.  I’d had a couple random doses of Ativan off an on since my first withdraw weeks back.  It has also been discussed I could pair it up with another med when I started them back up.  Geodon my body was still literally begging me for, and so I had no hesitation in giving my body that.  The only random element was Trileptal and I have really have side effects with it so I decided to try.  If my body said it was too much, I figured I could cut Trileptal out of the mix for a while.

 

Rachel:

She is currently back in the hospital.  She’s been in and out over the past few months, of course, but this stay is pretty serious.  She went in will mass swelling and pain.  It turned out to not be her liver but instead an infection that went to her blood.  They got that taken care of.  However, she was also having a lot of problem breathing.  So they put her on a breathing machine.  Turns out she aspirated something.  Possibly/probably her own medication.  So anyway, she’s been on the breathing machine for the past few days, though it looks like she can finally come off that.  The other huge problem is that she’s not currently peeing on her own, which means her kidneys are shutting down.  They have her on dialysis to allow her kidneys to heal some in a stress free environment.  The dialysis will also help get the toxins out.  That’s been the name of the game all along: keep the toxins out.

The major problem is, if her kidneys do in fact shut all the way down, she won’t be eligible for the liver transplant.  All her other body parts need to be working or else she’ll be too unhealthy and will reject the new liver.  So hopefully her kidneys will heal up some and the dialysis will kick-start them into working again.

The bottom line is all her body parts are having to fight to function normally and it’s exhausting.  But there are ways to give them breaks and then kick-start them back up.  Hopefully it all works because the transplant team has called a special meeting which means we might have a much-needed decision very soon.

Otherwise she goes hospice.

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted April 4, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality Disorder
I’m sitting here at 2AM on what is technically Saturday morning and my guaranteed weekly post is due to go live in 11 hours and I’ve got nothing.

Oh, I suppose I’ve got something but I spent 6 hours in the emergency room with my Lou-Lou Bear who had his first migraine headache today and it was a doosey. He’s ok. He’s sleeping now and has been for the past couple hours since he got home.

Meanwhile, I’m honestly not sure how I’m still awake. I think it’s just sheer acknowledgment that making it to bed requires energy I don’t currently have.

So this is my weekender. A tired sign-off for the week. A wishing of a happy holiday if you celebrate anything this particular time of year. A promise that I will figure out what I’m writing about this week between now and Tuesday. And finally, a promise I’m going to bed now.

Hope your week was bright, all. I promise mine could have been worse and I’m hanging in there.

Also: Happy birthday to my baby sister who made it to 28. May she make it to 29 and beyond.

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If You Had 90 Days

Posted March 24, 2015 By kmarrs

sad depressed liver failureThese seem to be the official numbers as they stand right now.  Could things change?  Possibly.

Rachel had the false positive already mentioned and explained here, on January 29th of this year, 2015.  She will not be eligible to be put onto a list in this state, until she is 6 months sober, and while she is actually already 7 months sober, they are going from that January date.  So she will be eligible to be put on the list for a transplant on July 29th.

However, a week and a half ago, she was given an estimated 90 day life expectancy.  So basically the end of June.

Now, that is an estimated life expectancy.  That is also when she is eligible for this list.  Each state has different laws and each center has different lists.  As she is really really really sick, and I mean really sick, she might find herself on a different list and she would probably be up near the top of it.  So, we’ll see.  The fact it’s a false positive might also be helpful in her favor.

I’m going to leave it as this, as this is a matter very personal to not just me, but my family.  However, as this much has made it to Facebook I should be ok.

I just… I’m taking this hard.  I’m struggling with thinking positive and optimistic.

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