My Mom Archive

Raising a BPD DaughterSo we all damn well better give her a round of applause!


I have no clue if you still read over here?  I know you were an avid fan for years but as I went quiet in the past year or so, I can imagine you maybe just assumed I’m still quiet.  Either way, happy birthday to you, mom.  I love you.  Thank you so deeply for all the support over the past year and a half.  I know I’ve all but bleed you dry.  It’s been a rough one.

Sorry this present isn’t as awesome as what I gave you last year.

FYI for readers: I gave her tickets to see Phantom of the Opera live.  There was no beating that.

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I Don’t Have Photographic Evidence

Posted March 26, 2013 By kmarrs

Hippopotamus and the BloggessOn the 19th of March, my mom, sister and I piled into my mom’s car and drove.  Her GPS “Maddy” took us the scenic route past farms, cows, horses and trains, without an interstate in sight.  But we were in no hurry.  We gave ourselves 5 hours to make a 2 hour drive.

We got to the bookstore in Dayton with plenty of time, so we parked the car and decided we’d go into the bookstore to look around, and find out event details.

Around this time, I realized my husband had given me a 50 with the idea that he didn’t like me wondering so far from home without any sort of cash.  I sent him a quick note warning him he’d set me loose in a bookstore with cash.  He made it clear he had been aware longer than I had, of the situation, and that I would indeed owe him.

There was one survivor.  He goes by Washington.

Funny how all three of us bookworms didn’t really realize that the book signing in a book store would involve, you know, many, many books.  I think we blocked that part out in our quest.

Our quest to meet The Bloggess.

After we spent ourselves broke, we wandered to a nearby subway for an early dinner and then a few other shops to poke around.  But with only an hour and a half left before the signing started, we made our way back to the bookstore to find our place in line.  With a heads-up from the vixen Dawnie, I knew we needed to be there well in advance.  We were the second group in line, but it grew well before 6, when we could find seats.  By the time The Bloggess was presented at 7, it was standing room only.

We had front row seats.  Score!

The Dayton reading had the privilege to be the audience that was not allowed to witness a single curse word, as she read a chapter from her book.  So Jenny, in advance, set about finding the chapter with the fewest F-bombs, and friends.  The winning chapter had only 12 words that needed replaced with hippopotamus.  You heard me, hippopotamus.  But oh you should have heard her!

We laughed, we cried, we laughed some more.

Then we single file got to meet the Goddess that is the Bloggess and have her sign our books.  Our coveted books of inappropriate hilarity.  I was lucky enough to be able to have 2 copies signed.  I bought the paperback version for myself (with a new bonus chapter, yo!) and had my older hardback version signed for my good friend Lisa who was spending the day back in Columbus growing older.  No, seriously, it was her birthday.  When I mentioned this to Jenny, she was sure to wish her a happy birthday in writing.  Lisa is one lucky hippopotamus!

We are all very lucky hippopotamuses.  Not just that this book has been written by someone so very real and honest and inappropriately hilarious.

But that this single person could make it clear to all of us who are so very isolated and alone, that we are in fact one of millions and not so different after all, is something we all needed.  We aren’t the only one with chronic pain.  We aren’t the only one with crippling anxiety.  We aren’t the only one with depression so bad we can’t leave our bed for days if not weeks.  We aren’t the only one who has cut to feel something.  We aren’t the only one.  You, I, Jenny.  We are all so unique but in the ways we need to be the same, to not be alone, Jenny has made it clear we are a community.  She has given us that gift.

So we are very lucky hippopotami indeed!

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Ginny Rose

Posted November 11, 2012 By kmarrs

This is little Ginny Rose, whom is named for my Maternal Grandmother Virginia. Little Ginny is forever perched on my right shoulder.  Her and her books.

Years ago, my mom and sister got matching cherry blossoms. With Rachel and I having been born right outside DC, it was a way to tie my mom and sister together in a way the was meaningful to their beginnings as mother and daughter.

For awhile there, I too was maybe going to get a cherry blossom, but my sister respectfully requested that remain just her and my mom.  So my mom, ready for her second tattoo, opted to pick something new for just her and I.  With me having been old enough to remember her mother and having forged a close bond, we selected an owl which was something her mother collected and would forever tie the 3 generations even if her mother would never be inked or see ours.

I then suggested to take it a step farther and have a stack of books since we are/were all 3 known for our love of books.  Mom elected to keep hers to just the owl, and she did inverse the colors, but hers is equally adorable and forever perched on her left shoulder.

So is how am I celebrating turning 29 very very soon.  My first tattoo and a celebration of generations.

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10 Glitter Bits

Posted March 26, 2012 By kmarrs

Last week? Sucked! So it is way past time to discuss the moments in my life that were epic this past little bit.

1. I got to work out some anger towards a PR bitch who wanted me to blatantly lie to you guys.  For 10 dollars. Not that 10,000 would have made the difference. The 10 dollar part was simply insult to injury. Where I am willing to be sponsored or link ads to the right places, I won’t lie about it. Period. And I’ll only support what I am willing to stand behind.  I did take great joy in sending her a link to the dictionary definition of “authentic”, though.

2. One of the local Kmarts isn’t able to renew their lease due to the rent being randomly doubled.  Which sucks but they are in “please buy everything we have as fast as possible” mode and my mom took me to cash in on some good deals.  I was smart enough to stick to a list of things we’ve actually been needing for a long while.  Cuts down on the “you spent what on me?” remorse.  Plus, some will be paid back when I get my bonus in May.  So, there is that.  She/we bought:

  • Shoe rack for the bazillion pairs of shoes we have lying about.  5 people does not simply equal 5 pairs of shoes.  Nope.  We’d been using a laundry basket to dump them in.  See below.
  • Laundry baskets.  10 of them for 15$.  Yes, they are cheap and small, but still better than what I’m replacing.
  • Laundry hamper that I heart so bad! Old one? Also falling apart.
  • Shoes for me.  White dress sandals because I had a serious gap in that department.  Black flats to replace ones that are falling a apart.  And a pair of flip flops that are comfy as fuck and were like 6$.
  • Summer clothes for Sammy.  We are keeping it simply because I’m thinking it’ll be hot as Hades this year, so we stocked on onesies and some cute little sundresses
  • Trash cans.  Buying trash cans isn’t glamorous unless you have been in serious need for a couple new ones for a long ass time but can never seem to get around to it.  20% off already inexpensive?  Yeah, we can get to that!

3. Wendy’s has this new sandwich that involves spicy chicken, bacon and guacamole.  OMG I have never had a fast food sandwich that tasted even half that good.

4. I took the time to really sit and study Sammy as she rolls from back to belly.  That shit is funny, yo.  But oh the adorables!  Also?  While I wouldn’t call her mobile, she is far from stationary.  Only, she can only really go in reverse.  And girl missed the line to have review mirrors installed.

5. I was able to prove maybe I’m more ahead of the ADHD game with my 4yo than I thought.  Fidget beads are a huge success!

6. I am taking the Chibi Challenge!  If you would like to aid in my mental health ego, you are welcome to comment with 3 words that describe me.  Think positive! The results are going to be built into a word cloud, not unlike what I posted all day Sunday.  They are fun to make though.  You can make them on Wordle.

7. I am in talks with Becky and while I’m not currently a Brain Behind The Band, my return is in the future once I get the rest of my life squared away.  I just need to focus on other things so that I have the energy free to give the band all the energy that I choose to give.

9. I am to the point where while a Mt Dew would sound awesome, I would no longer kill for it.  Just maybe maim.

10. My husband is seeing and commenting on noticeable signs of improvement in my mood over this time last week.  So maybe I am right that yes I can be off my meds, this past week just really did suck.  I got a lot of feedback from others as well that dude, the week sucked.  BUT if I can survive that week med free, I can survive anything med free.

So those are my glitter spots that I’m hanging onto.  Do you have any you care to share?

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Pi Day

Posted March 15, 2012 By kmarrs

Today I threw a Pi Day Pie Party.  Me.  Miss anti-social.  Who struggles to throw a damn family birthday party for my kids.  I threw a party not because I had to but because I wanted to.
I’m not going to lie, that was the best damn party I’ve ever been to and I get the badge of honor of having thrown it!

First off, it helps that people like pie.  No really.  It seems you people really like your pie.

We (because Brenda brought it) served Shepard’s Pie for dinner (to add a level of responsible) and then had 2 different tables full of 10 different dessert pies.  It was almost overwhelming.  I mean, where to begin?

I invited all those in my life who would see the humour of having a Pie Party on Pi Day.  Even if I had to get them past the initial concept of what Pi Day was, the humour was not lost.  I had pieces of my whole life gathered at my place.  My best friend Stacy from high school.  My long time friend Jen and her boyfriend Phil.  I had former co-workers from the camera store, Brenda and her husband Scott, Kate and her boyfriend Bobby, and Jim.  I had current co-workers from the bank Steve and Michael.  And of course my mom and kids.

Pat?  Pat has game nights on Wednesday.  He refused to make this an exception.  But, by him not being there I was able to make this a major gathering instead of just the few he was comfortable with.  I mean, he has major social anxiety.  Everyone invited was wonderful, but he still would have been in social hell under his own roof.  I missed him but this party was a blast!

Moving on to future plans:

#56 on my life list (that will be in the next batch I post up here) clearly reads: Pick 3 more “holidays” to throw parties for – 1 for each season.  I figure 1 every 3ish months.  3/14 is Pi Day.  Star Wars day on May the 4th.  And September’s?  It’s obvious: International Talk like a Pirate Day – Sept 19.  Apparently, my life has come to this and I rather like it!  Now I just have to pick one that falls between November and January. Ideally December but I can’t find any really geeky holidays that month. December 16th is Chocolate Covered Anything Day, though, so that has potential.

Rejected holidays for my parties are:

  • Stupid Guy Thing Day – June 22
  • Please Take My Children to Work Day – June 26
  • Seems September 5th is “Be late for something day”.  I’d host a party with that theme, but who the fuck knows when people would show up.
  • Nose Hair Maintenance Day – Sept 8
  • Take It in the Ear Day – December 8
  • Monkey Day – Dec 14 is the day we all gather to steal a monkey from the Cols zoo
  • Nose Hair Maintenance Day – Sept 8

I can’t make this shit up!  Which, I really don’t have to since someone else did.

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Mah Baby Has Been Stolen By Grandma

Posted November 20, 2011 By kmarrs

Actually, it was my idea.

My mom was convinced I’d miss her too much to part with her over night.  But really, while I will miss her, yes, I have so much I want to get done that this break is really nice.  Also, sleep.  I like sleep.  I don’t mind getting up with her at 6AM.  And I’m even waking up rested enough to function.  But sleep on my terms? One night?  Yes please!

So for 24 hours, my mom has my youngest and my oldest.  And I have more quiet than I’m use to.

So, my to-do/fun things list:

  • Milk and pull-up run (done)
  • Put away Sammy’s 0-3 month clothes and pull out 3-6 and get 6-9 and 9-12 ready to go. (done)
  • Compose list of what clothes need to be bought yet for current and next size (done)
  • Candyland with the 3yo (2 games down, more to come I’m sure)
  • Bubble bath for the 3yo (done)
  • Nice dinner just Luke, momma and daddy (done)
  • Basic house upkeep like laundry, trash, pets (done until I spot something else)
  • Bank account info flash cards (1/4th done)
  • Bedtime stories and cuddles with the 3yo (done)
  • Sleep for more than a 6 hour stretch (in the early planning stages)

So do I miss her? Sure.  But I’m keeping busy and she is safe, loved, and happy.  So I’ll see her tomorrow and smother her with I missed you kisses.

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