Open Doors

By trying to put logic to this subject, you’re trying to put logic to BPD.  And I ask you: Would this site even need to exist if you could put logic to BPD?  All I know is that this is what 11 years of trial and error with my husband has led to.   I […]

Patrick the Grey

This has some controversy.  I told my mom about this and it felt like she was ready to disown me.  I think she is settling into it some.  All I can ask her for is support, if not understanding.  She doesn’t have to agree. Neither do you. With BPD comes black and white thinking.  You […]

Yes, They Stayed

Look, the decision to leave the kids with Pat was impossible and yet obvious. I grieve not waking to their fighting and kissing them goodnight every night, but it was a decision that had to be made with logic and not emotion. First, while I am biologically their mother, he has been their primary caregiver […]

The Words

I’ve spent all week so far telling people I see daily, one by one, what I did.  I tell them as I find the breath, the power to get the words out.  See, in comparison leaving Pat was easy.  I wasn’t happy.  I haven’t been happy.  I was not going to ever get magically happy.  […]


It’s just after 11 Sunday night and I’m laying on the floor of the spare room at my mom’s under the ceiling fan, using the breeze as a sensory based self soothing tool, trying to find the motivation to unpack. I walked out on my marriage today. I’ll talk about it later. I can’t right […]

The First 9

I’ve had snippets of thought run through my head on what I could possibly say to really get across what I’m thinking and feeling.  But nothing seems to come close. I’ve been married for 9 years.  That’s almost 1/3 of my entire life.  Really, mostly all of my adult life. 9 years. There are people […]

10 Glitter Bits

Last week? Sucked! So it is way past time to discuss the moments in my life that were epic this past little bit. 1. I got to work out some anger towards a PR bitch who wanted me to blatantly lie to you guys.  For 10 dollars. Not that 10,000 would have made the difference. […]

6 Months

First I tried to deny it happening.  I decided that since her 6-month birthday would be Feb 30, and Feb 30 simply can never exist, she just would never turn 6 months.  Like a time stop.  Don’t make me get the Tardis! But I have an analytical mind, just as much as it is creative, […]

12 for 2012

Alright.  I hate the term “resolutions” so we’ll call these goals.  To me that makes them more flexible.  Not so I can “break” them, but so that I can “rework” them as need be. 1. I want to be just as, if not more, happy in my new job this time next year, as I […]

28 Goals and Lessons From (Almost) 28 Years

1. If you need a fresh perspective on life, talk to the youngest person you know.  3-year-olds work best for this.  No one sees the wold with more truth and humor than they do. 2. Your mental health comes first.  If affects everything else in your life. 3. If it won’t cost you your life, […]