Finances and BPD Archive

Borderline Personality DIsorder and Trouble with FinancesAs an alternative to the below, I would like to offer up front the following: text or image ads placed in prominent positions on this blog, for reasonable prices.  I do have a link across the top discussing advertising rates.  I’m desperate enough that I’m willing to negotiate them.  Please take a look!  Walking the Borderline gets an average of 2,000 unique pageviews a month, even with the decrease in my writing, which I’m working on increasing.  I have a few SEO hot posts that really pull in the new traffic.  Then of course, I have a smaller (than 2k anyway), but very loyal following.  So it will be worth the money.  A text ad with me, for example, will run you 50$ for the month (and let’s be honest here, I’ll forget to take it down at month’s end and won’t charge you more than the 50 based off my memory flaws).  TheBloggess?  She’ll, rightfully, charge you twice that.  Ok.  So that being said, let’s get to the main post.  Because I’m all sorts of desperate.

We are so horribly screwed for money right now that it’s reached the point of scary. There are three adults who live here, with 4 combined sources of income, but all 4 are fixed. Two of the sources cover the monthly rent basically perfectly, with enough left over for toilet paper. One of those sources was reduced due to its recipient working like crazy in November and December to try to catch us up on bills. It mostly worked, so as of December we were on track. However, because of that his monthly check for being severely mentally disabled was cut in half. Leaving us about $50 short to cover the rent that we normally never have to worry about. Not to mention the other couple hundred that covered toilet paper, dish/laundry detergent, etc. The other two sources of income is school money. We found out way after the fact that one of the two incomes there that will normally appear at the beginning of the semester, will be up to a month and a half late, due to the student being new. They need to be sure he attends classes before they send him the money that covers bills. My check never was going to show up until mid semester, but that wasn’t going to matter because the other check was going to cover all of January and February’s bills. We have disconnect notices for, well, everything for the first time in almost a decade. Turning off the cable would be a simple solution, except both students rely on it for school. In my case as all my classes are online, that’s a 100% reliance. And as we are in a 1 year contract, we can’t simply cut back on that. We are getting 300$ worth of services for around 100$ and while we could live without the tv for a while, removing it breaks the contract. Good deal or not, you can’t break the contract. So all this is to say that while 2 sources of income from school are coming in February and March, we are so far behind despite cutting back on everything, that by the time it shows up most everything will be disconnected, and we’ll be paying this month’s bill in March, and will still probably be behind.

We are doing the best we can. We brought Pat’s brother in with us to help him and so he could help us finance wise. The three adults couldn’t afford 2 households but joined, once we’re finally caught up, we’ll be able to afford 1. Paying off this damn car with the tax return will be a huge help. We’d get rid of it but we’d just have to turn around and figure out a cheaper, but most likely less reliable, car. This car has us in the hole, but it is reliable as hell so far. Pat is planning a small, 20 hr/week job in the evenings once school is out. With school in session it isn’t an option, for long and complicated reasons involving the fact he needs the car to deliver pizzas. I’d get a job but everyone family and doctors included agree that is NOT an option right now. In my mental state I can barely handle the stress of school, much less school and work. Choosing to do just one between the two, going crazy and messing up is best saved for my grades, and not a company. Like I said, I’m not handling stress at the moment. In addition, my fibro, depression, and meds have me highly unreliable for being awake at any given time. And it isn’t a simple case of being “sleepy”. No. I mean passing out at 9PM and still being exhausted like I didn’t sleep at 8AM. Sleepy is cute and cuddly. Exhausted is scary and stabs people. There is a cartoon showing the difference someone, if you need to visualize the difference. So clearly, work is not an option for me. I tried for disability myself, but was denied because “there was no way of knowing if I’d be depressed for a full year or longer”. Yeah. I’m going to get a doctor, get my fibro treated, then try for disability again for both the depression and the BPD and the fibro. Won’t hurt to try. I’ve been out of work a full year now.
I’m still rambling. I’m so sorry. I should get to my point. In 12 years of marriage, Pat and I have never been this financially screwed. We are about to lose everything. If you have anything you can offer to help I need paid for my work here.   My blog has a donate button (towards the top right of the page) and it would be appreciated beyond what words can express. I hate asking this. This… it’s very humbling and humiliating.

If you can’t help, I so deeply understand. Please just know I do truly get it. I understand broke on an intimate level. I understand financial obligations and I understand the wish to give does not suddenly create the ability to give. But if you can help, please click the donate button. It’ll let you donate any amount you have to offer.

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The Spirit of Santa – The Spirit of Giving

Posted December 5, 2014 By kmarrs

I need help saving Christmas for 4 amazing, young boys and their father.  These boys have had a rough go at life.  Some parts have been rougher than others.  This past year has  been the roughest yet, as their parents battled for custody.  Their father, the more stable of the two, has finally won this battle, but doing so has seen his finances get stretched beyond comfort.  He had to give up his second job, and when is babysitter stopped showing up, he missed a lot of work, nearly losing his job in the process, and a lot more.  Upon hearing what was going on, I stepped in and have been hanging out with these amazing boys, aged 4-9, every day after school until their daddy gets off.  In doing so, their daddy has been able to get back to being financially stable, however, not enough so to make Christmas happen.  He’s afraid the illusion of Santa will be shattered when they realize what Christmas coming after a tax return really means.

I call bullshit.  There is too a Santa and his magic is alive! However, not being made of money myself, I can’t do this alone.  So I’m asking for your help!  This family needs some Christmas magic now more than ever.  It’s been rough for them the past year.  I think a Christmas miracle is exactly what they need to see.

Please help me give this to them.

We are aiming for a deadline of the 14th so that there is plenty of time for phase 2: shopping.

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Hear My Plea

Posted August 29, 2014 By kmarrs

Borderline Personality Disorder and financesWe officially have the keys to our first house. It’s rented, but it’s magic. I have wanted a house for the kids for over a decade now. And this house… It’s a 4 bedroom ranch with two bathrooms. Finally enough room that we aren’t tripping over each other just to move around. (We’ve been in a 5 bedroom for the past 6 years. The 5 of us.) The backyard could be classified a park it’s so big and it’s on a non-active air force base. We’re in the old base housing. We actually got an officer’s house. And we’re a 5 minute walk from the airport itself, right down from where they park the Apaches. My boys think they’ve died and gone to heaven. Even the most hesitant of them, Lucas who has only ever know this house and is timid and sensitive, is in heaven. Sambam is just in aw. It’s like she’s been left alone in a candy/toy store. Her favorite part is her closet, she insists she’s going to sleep there. I share the sentiment, it’s been a long time since my clothes haven’t hung from a pipe in the basement. I asked Thomas what the best part about leaving this house was and he waved his arms around to indicate all of it. It’s taken us over 11 years, but Pat and I have finally been able to give our kids what we’ve always wanted for them. I don’t even care it’s rented; that means if shit breaks, someone else has to fix it. The neighborhood is safe, the schools are great, I want to die of old age in this house! We can rent to own so that might damn well happen!

Here is this problem: This very first month, with the costs of moving, and some new financial sources not yet kicking in, we are in the biggest financial pickle we have ever been in. I am asking, hoping, wishing that those who might be able, to kick a buck or two or whatever you can our way. We are desperate. This money wouldn’t be covering shit and giggles, but the essentials of life. If you can help, please visit the donation button to the left which will go straight to my paypal. It’s always been there as a thank you for running this site, and as a little extra something which people have very kindly occasionally offered. But now, I really need it there. If you can’t give, please know we understand and love you all the same. We accept happy thoughts, crossed fingers, and blessing of good luck on this next stage in our family adventure, just as gratefully. There is also the option of sharing this cry for help with those you know? Only if you are comfortable with it. But sometimes, just sometimes, magic happens. And we really could use just a little more. (I’m not lying, this house is pretty magical.)

Photos you ask?

Bpd and home

The front of the house, which needs some work but we’re happy to. Thrilled to!

Bpd and home

The back yard! I assure you: Sambam and I have already twirled barefoot in that grass. Skirts swirling, heads dizzy, hearts, glowing, mouths laughing.

Borderline Personality Disorder and finances

Ah there she is, exploring our first ever covered parking. We’ll finally be able to keep the kid’s bikes at our place, chained to those pillars. But the neighborhood is perfect for afternoon bike rides.

I truly love you all who come here. Please know that. And I thank you all for every visit. For every comment ever left. And for any outcome from this post.

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Posted December 13, 2013 By kmarrs

Borderline Personality DIsorder and Trouble with FinancesYeah.  Sorry.  Here is the thing:

Some of you are planning last-minute holiday orders via Amazon.

Are you one of those people?  Can you maybe place your order by entering their site using the link to the right?  Has this moved down the page some?  Ok, scroll up to the top of the page, you’ll see it.  You can’t miss it.

You: Get to place the order you were placing anyways.

I: Get a little something in my pocket, for sending you to amazon, to help me with this whole being unemployed.





You’ll also find a donate button top left.



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A Quality Investment

Posted April 8, 2013 By kmarrs

So Sambam and I got matching stamped bracelets.  Only, ours are more printed on than actually stamped. There is no indent.  There is ink or sticky or something.  I don’t care.

Except how I got thinking how I would do it different.

Then I got thinking I could do it different.

Then I got thinking I could do this.  I mean, how hard can it be?

Answer: Not hard.

The initial investment would be around 450$ in supplies.  That would give me bracelet blanks, stamps and tools.  From there any stamps I’d want to add seem to run about 8-10$.  I’d start with all the letters, both upper and lower case, as well as all the numbers and some pretty designs.

Then as I went, the continual running cost doesn’t seem too bad.  30$ for every 130 bracelets, roundabouts?  This could actually pay for itself in time.

I wouldn’t do it full-time.  I would make presents.  Shines for me and the girl-child.  And I’d gladly take custom orders from those I know to recoup costs.

I wouldn’t bother with Etsy unless I could knock them out a dozen at a time.  OK, half-dozen.  But this involves sanding or filing metal.  I figure I’d be good to make 1-2 a week.

In a year, if I sold all those 1-2 a week, I might even recover the costs of my initial investment.

So clearly this is a bit of a pipe dream since I don’t have the time commitment to make the money sink profitable.

Unless someone out there has 450$ to sink into a quality investment.



Any takers?

But let me make one thing clear: If I can track down that TARDIS stamp I keep seeing used, this is happening!

I’ll just sell my first bracelet for 500$.

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Finding Logic In Words

Posted October 29, 2012 By kmarrs

Since before I even graduated high school, over 10 years ago, I’ve been a student at the local community college.  At no point, aside from one measly semester in 11 years, has this gone well for me.  First I was young and dumb and made a bad decision.  Then I had the consequences of that decision.  Then I had a fresh start and did beyond well.  Then as I attempted a repeat of doing well, I got promoted and moved in the same week and lost internet connection at the same time, while taking online classes.  Oy.  I thought I dropped the classes, properly, in time but apparently not.  Drama drama drama.  And CSCC has no interest in really working with me.  Looking at the 11 year history of the good and the bad and trying to solve the problem so that I can be the student I am capable of and want to be.  Dudes, I am really really trying here.

Finally it got to the point where I just accepted I was going to have to pay out-of-pocket until my GPA was “acceptable” so I could get my aid back.  What’s being counted on my GPA?  Two classes I dropped properly a week too late and 2 damn near perfect scores.  I can see why I’m an at-risk student that should be denied the aid the federal government already approved and handed to them.

God, I don’t want to drudge that back up.  I’m over it.  It’s behind me.  But the want to be educated isn’t.  My life is settling.  My kids are only getting older and wiser.  I will have no more in the oven.  I have this opportunity for once in a long time, to be really selfish in a way that will better me so that I can better my family and our situation in life.

But, to continue at CSCC I do still have to pay out-of-pocket awhile.  And while I have made arrangements for a benefactor, that person can’t do anything for another couple of years.  All this to go to a school I don’t even really wish to attend anymore.  Sure it’s cheap and easy, but what is the real cost?  Is it really as easy as it could and maybe should be?

I’ve spent the past year going over my options.  First aggressively and without any feelings of hope about a year ago.  Then I put it aside and focused on my career all while trying to decide not on the school, but on the intended degree I could get from it.

Now I find myself hearing news of the school I have always known about.  I know people who are starting there.  Just finishing there.  Making something of themselves there.  And I find myself jealous.  Why not me?  Why is it never me?  Then I learned the one thing holding me back wasn’t an issue: They actually offer their classes online!

Boom.  That was all I needed.  I’ve started the process of enrollment.  I’m ready to fill out the forms for my aid.  They won’t be given the info from my CSCC days which means a 100% fresh start.  Sure I’ll have to retake 2 classes, but in the grand scheme, if this goes as I’m starting to plan, who cares?  It’s 2 easy classes that I’ll get to start with and hopefully pull the same damn near perfect scores.  Talk about starting school with an ego boost.

I don’t expect to be able to start before summer.  I don’t know how many classes I’ll take at a time.  I know tuition is 3 times the cost so I’ll need aid to cover every penny.  This means I’ll have to be sure to take enough credit hours.  This may mean, and I hope not, that I’ll be working full-time and going to school full-time.  But even then?  So what.  I’ll be busting ass balancing work, school and family, but in 4 years I’ll come out the other end a mother-fuckin-college graduate!  I’ll be damned if anything is going to hold me back.  Not even my own nerves.  I’ve wanted this for far too long and that drive that has built for 11 years will get me past the next 4.

Dammit, I am Karen hear me roar!

This isn’t full-on insane, right?

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