#fiercelyhappy Archive

Adderall

Posted June 10, 2019 By kmarrs

Using a Fitbit (knockoff) to track my pulse long term worked beautifully and when I saw my psychiatrist on Friday, she approved me starting Adderall.

We’re starting me on 5mg which is a super low dose and I probably won’t be helped by that amount. However, if all goes well, on the 17th I’ll get to double it.

In the meantime, I’m to continue using my Fitbit to track my pulse. I’m also to keep an eye on my anxiety. Both can be made worse by even this small of a dose, so we need to be sure that I’m ok. I’m calling her on the 17th and reporting my findings.

I am super excited to finally start the process of treating my ADHD. I know I’m ready to graduate in a little less than 3 months, and only really have 9 more weeks of classes, but this medication will also allow me to focus at work, where I’m also suffering.

Oh! And because I take my anxiety meds at night, and I take my stimulant in the morning, I’m able to take both! The streams will not cross!

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Passion Project

Posted June 3, 2019 By kmarrs

Those 6 weeks in April through May were tough as I took on double the recommended course load so that I could graduate this September.

One of the things I dedicated myself to during those 6 weeks was my passion project for my anthro class. No exaggeration I nearly broke my mental health with stress on this project because I was excited about it, and forgot I was in a 200 level class and didn’t need to go so hard. My topic was Irish Gaeilge, but that’s only the briefest of summaries. (I’ll put more details on the end.) I got to pick my own topic, because the idea was for me to study, and apply an anthropological lens, to something I’m passionate about. And I gave it beyond my all.

I received my score in under 24 hours. My hard to please professor who doesn’t give perfect scores marked it 120/120. He noted where he could have taken points, but because he’s never personally seen a project so well done, he had no choice but to call it perfect. He added, “I’d even urge you to publish it somewhere, somehow.” With some notes as to where I could flesh it out some and an offer to help that I’m going to take him up on after I graduate. (Another 6 weeks of hell started in the end of May. )

As I gear up to graduate, and then take my GRE and apply to grad school, I have self doubts that I’m good enough. But where I’m passionate, I’m fully capable, I guess I’m learning. I just need to not break myself in the process.

Details:

So. I picked Irish Gaeilge as a topic of interest because I’m currently learning it. I wanted a deeper understanding why people picked this language as a second/third/fourth language. I know why I chose it, but what about others?

In week 2 I put out a basic survey asking 10 questions dealing with people’s connections to Ireland and why they chose that language. I then set that loose on Tumblr with some key blogs reblogging. I didn’t exactly get 5,000 responses like last time. But that survey was open to literally everyone, while this survey was open just to those learning Irish. I still got 335 responses, which isn’t bad.

However, as I started to do research, I fell headlong into the history of the language, its near extinction, and the revival in the past 100 years. Which then led to me learning that there are some in Ireland (this is not representative of the entire population) who resent being forced to learn it.

Which led to another survey, this one just for those who live in Ireland and are learning it, or have learned it, through the school system. This one I sent to a key friend living in Ireland and asked him to circulate it small scale. I only needed a few responses to this one. I got 3 which was great. This survey looked at the perceived effectiveness of the revival and their thoughts on being “forced” to learn it in school.

Then came the stark fact that 50-90% of the world’s languages are going to be gone by 2100 and the question, will Irish be one of them? I still don’t have a solid answer to this.

Anyway, 2 surveys and a couple dozen academic research articles later, I put together a beautiful presentation that I’m really proud of.

So go team me.

But I could use a nap.

And it’s not good that I nearly broke my mental health.

Mid May through the end of June isn’t going to be much better either.

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With Honors

Posted April 1, 2019 By kmarrs

It’s not 100% but unless I really fuck up one of my few remaining classes…

I walk the stage on August 6th and will be wearing top Latin Honors. I’m graduating Summa Cum Laude!

I’ve been practically working myself to death to maintain a nearly perfect GPA. With the exception of a single B, I have straight A’s. I berate myself over that B but apparently, one bad grade doesn’t matter. I’m still considered a top achieving student and I can finally forgive myself for that B and breath.

I feel more confident in my future now. I’m applying to one of the top programs in my field in the country. It’s right down the street and I won’t have to move my family to attend. But I can only imagine how competitive it is to get in! I’ve been so worried that my GPA would hinder me since it’s (currently) a 3.96 which is less than ideal, for my goals. However, if it’s good enough for Summa Cum Laude, then I guess it can be good enough for me.

Now I just have to blow the GRE out of the waters and I might stand a chance at my dream school!

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Saturdays

Posted March 23, 2019 By kmarrs

It’s 7:30 PM, early spring.

This is my favorite time of day
The sun is setting outside my window where I sit at my desk.
The sun catchers I have up ready for this moment are glowing.
The plants in that corner are getting so much natural light.
I can’t see for shit because I’m literally blinded by the sun.
But it’s warm on my face even through the window panes.
So I sit here and soak it up with my plants and my sun catchers.

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Lip Treatment

Posted March 21, 2019 By kmarrs

So on a whim this past winter, I made a lip scrub out of ingredients you can find in any grocery store. Not just all natural, because nightshade is natural, but a lip scrub you could literally safely eat because sometimes that happens.

I used a little half cup Rubbermaid container and filled it about halfway with honey. Then I poured in half as much sugar, and then a couple of tablespoons worth of oil. I used grapeseed oil, but you really could use any food grade oil that they stock at the store. I just think grapeseed is the one I’m less grumpy about accidentally ingesting because you will get some in your mouth as you apply it liberally to your lips.

The whole thing is shelf stable so I keep my container of this right in my shower and use it about once a week, or as needed.

The sugar helps scrub off that dead layer of skin that builds up and peels. If you are like me, you chew it off the best you can, but stop doing that because it only causes more damage! This scrub will get rid of it and keep it gone! Then the honey and oil moisturize your lips keeping them happy and healthy.

Also, you know how in the dead of winter, or year round if you’re like me, your elbows get really dry and scaly? This stuff will scrub off the dead skin and moisturize there too. I use it as a face scrub roughly once a month. Not all the time, because there is oil involved, but it hydrates my skin wherever I apply it.

I’m telling you, this stuff is wonderful. You need to pair it with chapstick, but it goes beyond what just chapstick can do!

Lucas always gets lips so chapped that his entire mouth area turns red. I used this stuff on him (and Sammy) at the first sign of trouble, and it worked. It saved the kid so much pain! Because severely chapped lips hurt like hell!

Anyway, I could go on and on about how great this stuff is. Just a little sugar, honey, and food grade oil. You can buy everything you need for like 15$ and have enough to make a dozen containers. I made one from my mom for her birthday. She swears by it too!

So consider yourself encouraged to pamper your lips! Winter may be over, but it’s great year-round at least to some degree.

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Pi Day! It’s Pi Day!

Posted March 14, 2019 By kmarrs

And the best way to celebrate is with Pie!

So. This is my last Pi Day working in a math department of a university, and it falls on a work day. So…

I did my research into the department budget for the year, which we’re encouraged to spend. And then I asked if we could use some of the department “employee moral” budget to throw a little party for the college. (Not the entire university. But the college of art, science, and technology, within the university.) I received an enthusiastic yes and here we are a month later ready to celebrate.

We’re getting pizza (pies) for lunch and a bunch of dessert pies and it’ll be good wholesome fun!

Then of course, we’re celebrating at home as well. Nothing fancy. Just the 5 of us eating pie.

I like to sometimes actually throw a party for my friends and family, but a Thursday is no a good night for that. Next year it falls on a Saturday, so I’ll have to host something then.

Are you celebrating Pi Day?

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