#fiercelyhappy Archive

With Honors

Posted April 1, 2019 By kmarrs

It’s not 100% but unless I really fuck up one of my few remaining classes…

I walk the stage on August 6th and will be wearing top Latin Honors. I’m graduating Summa Cum Laude!

I’ve been practically working myself to death to maintain a nearly perfect GPA. With the exception of a single B, I have straight A’s. I berate myself over that B but apparently, one bad grade doesn’t matter. I’m still considered a top achieving student and I can finally forgive myself for that B and breath.

I feel more confident in my future now. I’m applying to one of the top programs in my field in the country. It’s right down the street and I won’t have to move my family to attend. But I can only imagine how competitive it is to get in! I’ve been so worried that my GPA would hinder me since it’s (currently) a 3.96 which is less than ideal, for my goals. However, if it’s good enough for Summa Cum Laude, then I guess it can be good enough for me.

Now I just have to blow the GRE out of the waters and I might stand a chance at my dream school!

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Saturdays

Posted March 23, 2019 By kmarrs

It’s 7:30 PM, early spring.

This is my favorite time of day
The sun is setting outside my window where I sit at my desk.
The sun catchers I have up ready for this moment are glowing.
The plants in that corner are getting so much natural light.
I can’t see for shit because I’m literally blinded by the sun.
But it’s warm on my face even through the window panes.
So I sit here and soak it up with my plants and my sun catchers.

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Lip Treatment

Posted March 21, 2019 By kmarrs

So on a whim this past winter, I made a lip scrub out of ingredients you can find in any grocery store. Not just all natural, because nightshade is natural, but a lip scrub you could literally safely eat because sometimes that happens.

I used a little half cup Rubbermaid container and filled it about halfway with honey. Then I poured in half as much sugar, and then a couple of tablespoons worth of oil. I used grapeseed oil, but you really could use any food grade oil that they stock at the store. I just think grapeseed is the one I’m less grumpy about accidentally ingesting because you will get some in your mouth as you apply it liberally to your lips.

The whole thing is shelf stable so I keep my container of this right in my shower and use it about once a week, or as needed.

The sugar helps scrub off that dead layer of skin that builds up and peels. If you are like me, you chew it off the best you can, but stop doing that because it only causes more damage! This scrub will get rid of it and keep it gone! Then the honey and oil moisturize your lips keeping them happy and healthy.

Also, you know how in the dead of winter, or year round if you’re like me, your elbows get really dry and scaly? This stuff will scrub off the dead skin and moisturize there too. I use it as a face scrub roughly once a month. Not all the time, because there is oil involved, but it hydrates my skin wherever I apply it.

I’m telling you, this stuff is wonderful. You need to pair it with chapstick, but it goes beyond what just chapstick can do!

Lucas always gets lips so chapped that his entire mouth area turns red. I used this stuff on him (and Sammy) at the first sign of trouble, and it worked. It saved the kid so much pain! Because severely chapped lips hurt like hell!

Anyway, I could go on and on about how great this stuff is. Just a little sugar, honey, and food grade oil. You can buy everything you need for like 15$ and have enough to make a dozen containers. I made one from my mom for her birthday. She swears by it too!

So consider yourself encouraged to pamper your lips! Winter may be over, but it’s great year-round at least to some degree.

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Pi Day! It’s Pi Day!

Posted March 14, 2019 By kmarrs

And the best way to celebrate is with Pie!

So. This is my last Pi Day working in a math department of a university, and it falls on a work day. So…

I did my research into the department budget for the year, which we’re encouraged to spend. And then I asked if we could use some of the department “employee moral” budget to throw a little party for the college. (Not the entire university. But the college of art, science, and technology, within the university.) I received an enthusiastic yes and here we are a month later ready to celebrate.

We’re getting pizza (pies) for lunch and a bunch of dessert pies and it’ll be good wholesome fun!

Then of course, we’re celebrating at home as well. Nothing fancy. Just the 5 of us eating pie.

I like to sometimes actually throw a party for my friends and family, but a Thursday is no a good night for that. Next year it falls on a Saturday, so I’ll have to host something then.

Are you celebrating Pi Day?

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Therapy Update

Posted February 28, 2019 By kmarrs

We’re still in the early getting to know each other phase. But my first impression is holding true. Her office is really cozy and just feels like a safe space. Ruby herself is friend shaped and I feel really comfortable talking to her about anything.

Which is really great because a few sessions ago I opened up about the trauma in my life. The fact my step father was a bully. The bullying at school. My mom being a narcissist. The fact my first boyfriend was 8 years older then me, coerce me into sleeping with him regularly, and in all ways took advantage of my youth and inexperience and desire to please this older man whom was the first person to pay attention to me. We pulled words to what he was: a pedophile and a rapist.

Anyway we talked it all out and she is starting to piece together why I am the way I am.

BPD makes sense. Eve from a young age.

Being asexual makes sense. (Some asexuals are born that way. Some become asexual after trauma.)

The current project that I’m working on is tracking my emotions and recording what they do to me physically. Like how anger makes you tense up? Where do I tense?

I bought a little notebook and am planning to track for weeks beyond what she is asking of me. If I want to get rid of my anger response, for example, then I need to know what anger does to me so I can counter act it.

Also, I’m realizing, with help, that the 90% of my life that I feel stressed, the emotion attached to that is fear. Fear of failure. Fear I won’t get everything done. Fear I won’t have down time to just relax. My stress is a fear response and my stress is killing me.

So yeah. Therapy is going great and I really like Ruby. She is the best! I feel like that’s an understatement. But she is just really comforting and a really super effective therapist. She calls me on my bullshit. All with understanding and heart behind her words. And all while wearing fun socks, and no shoes.

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Cinderella Tea Party

Posted February 14, 2019 By kmarrs

The district’s high school’s drama club is putting on a production of Cinderella in a few weeks. As a means of drumming up interest in the production, they hosted a Cinderella Tea Party for all the little kids in the district. It was on a Sunday afternoon and there wasn’t any real reason I couldn’t take Sammy, so away we went!

It was 5$ per kid (parents free) at the door, but that earned us unlimited access to the buffet of snacks and all the activities, so I consider it 5$ well spent.

The first thing we did when the doors opened was go and get her face painted. She wanted kitty whiskers and a black nose and it turned out super cute.

Then we hit the buffet! There was table after table piled high with snacks. Most of it was pure sugar and the kids were handed a plate, told to help themselves, and encouraged to pile them high. It was a sugar rush to end all sugar rushes.

After snacks, we went around to different activities. She crafted herself a crown and a magic wand. She ran an obstacle course. She played cornhole and bowled. She decorated a sugar cookie with pink frosting and sprinkles, then promptly ate it. There was also a little photo booth where it looked like she was sitting in Cinderella’s carriage.

She had a blast.

Then about 20 minutes before the event was over, the cast, who had been making rounds through the crowd the entire time, gathered and performed a few songs from their musical. They did a fabulous job.

I really enjoyed the quality time with Sammy. It got us out of the house and let her socialize with kids her age for awhile, outside of school. I got to see her at her happiest and playing with others. Turns out my kid is really creative and kind. She brings me such joy!

I took probably 3 dozen photos in all, but I narrowed them down to 6 to share with you. Please enjoy my daughter’s happiness!

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