You got the best of me Rest of me Tried and true test of me I lied for you Cried for you A piece of me died for you I wasn’t good enough Understood enough I knew I’d withstood enough You took your leave that day Slipped away No words of goodbye to say You […]

On Blank Slates and Life Collages

As I have struggled over the past few weeks I have been guided to the simple fact that I get a life and personality reset.  A blank slate to build myself, find myself, and who I am.  I can wipe the slate of who I am clean and decide from this point on who I […]

The ABC’s of Sexuality

(I wrote this weeks ago.  And I’ve debated posting it.  Which, as we all know is rare for me, but none-the-less I have been debating.  I don’t know why.  But should this go live, it was written in June so that’s how long it took me to find courage.) Part 2 The term is Asexual.  […]


I live life filled with passion. I am fiercely loyal whether you deserve it or not and I will love all those in my life with the passion of the burning sun.  It doesn’t matter the role in my life, there is a love to match it.  Sibling, romantic, brain stimulant, life inspiration. I go […]


So rarely am I ever at a true loss for words.  You don’t have to know me long to know I’m happy to talk your ear off about anything and everything.  Rarely does a thought pop into my head that I don’t share, even if it’s simply out loud to myself. So this struggle with […]

You Can’t Touch This

It is amazing what comes to light when you are in remission from a major mental health issue that dominated your life. Did you know I have major sensory issues? I didn’t. Until it slowly dawned on me over the past few months. Pat, the ever observant husband whom knows me almost too well, has […]

No Return

When I was a freshman in high school, so roughly 15, I had an online friend, whom was depressed.  Suicidal.  I knew this. One night I sat and read his plan as he typed it to me over ICQ or Yahoo, whatever we were using at the time.  This was 15 years ago.  I read […]


Sexuality is a complicated thing.  Not always obvious and not always easily negotiated. Made harder when you are in a duel-sex marriage, however encouraging the spouse may be that maybe he can’t meet all your needs and you are welcome to explore, with reasonable limitations.  Women only, of course, and family always first, of course. […]

After All This Time

People come in and out.  Not really there.  Only in my head.  With personality, plot, conversation.  You’ll hear me talking to myself.  Low mutters.  You won’t be able to make out what I’m saying, but you’ll hear me.  Talking to myself.  But really, I’m talking to them.  I know they aren’t real.  I know they […]

Ten Years

I have been married for 10 years as of today.  That is more than 1/3rd of my life.  No joke.  I’m 30-years-old at the end of this year, but not yet.  So my math holds tight. Way back, before Luke was born, when Pat and I were separated and he had just moved out with […]

buchmann.shaunte@mailxu.com jannell@mailxu.com