DBT Archive

General Check-in

Posted October 7, 2015 By kmarrs

I know, it’s been a hot minute since I last posted.  I blame upcoming tests, school projects, and general course work load, but there has also been some gaming in there.  What can I say, it’s how I decompress.

And I’ve needed to decompress.

See last week, last Tuesday, I was on my way to class when my car’s steering column fell apart.  While I was driving the car.  Luckily I was in a parking lot going about 3 mph.  Because if I’d been on the freeway like 15 minutes earlier, I would have died.  That is no exaggeration.


So… That image just kind of sums up my, well, year. At least the past few weeks.

School is going well, except for the plan to make friends. If I get an A in the one class I’m going to have to fight for it tooth and nail. So that has me stressed. I mean it’s a good stress. The kind I thrive under. I’m also just still depressed and tired.

But it’ll work itself out, right? It will. I just need to hang in there.

I may have already said this, but I’m in a one-on-one DBT with my therapist. I’ve had to miss a couple of weeks thanks to the car, but we’ll pick up where we left off. It’s good to have a refresher on the skills. I’m also in a point in my life where I’m the most receptive to it. So yeah, that’s going well.

I guess… I’m doing what I need to do. I’m taking care of myself. So eventually this depression will lift. It has to.

Be the first to comment

Therapy – DBT

Posted September 2, 2015 By kmarrs

Going to therapy lately has felt weird.  Mostly because there isn’t anything really going on in my life, so I feel like there is nothing to talk about.  There are no big issues, just the same old crap.

Last week I was proactive about that though.  I thought back to the days when my therapist taught dbt, and I thought how my meds doctor wants me in dbt but realizes I can’t afford yet another weekly trip to that end of town.

So I compromised.  I asked my therapist if she still has all the lesson plans from when she taught dbt, and if she’d be willing to have mini dbt with just me during our sessions.  She does and she is.

So now once a week, I will have dbt with my therapist.  I will relearn the old skills and I’ll strive to be better.

And of course the dbt lessons will allow room for the day-to-day crap that might come up and need worked out in therapy.

I’m excited.  I think it was very wise minded of me to come up with this idea.

8 Comments so far. Join the Conversation

The Dates

Posted June 9, 2012 By kmarrs

All the necessary dates we’ve been missing for this move are in.

Dad is out this coming Monday.  June 11, to be exact.

We close June 29th.  We have to be 100% out of our current apartment July 4th.

We were hoping to have the summer to move slowly but it isn’t going to happen that way.

This makes things more stressful but it’ll happen.  We do just want to get it over with, after all.


I lose internet at some point between the 15th and the 4th.  We are disconnecting here and being sure we are 100% square with the bill then reconnecting at the new place.  I’ll let you know, closer to the point I actually lose it, the exact day it goes down.


As for the DBT series I’m planning.  I don’t think starting it this Tuesday will work.  First, long gap of space I won’t have internet to work on it.  I can type them all now and schedule them out, but right now I need to focus on packing.  There is a lot of crap to pack that needed to wait until we had confirmed dates.


So here is to the beginning of one of the most stressful months of recent times.  Bare with me and stick around.  Hopefully I’ll come out the other end happier and with a kick-ass series on DBT to premier!

Be the first to comment

DBT Plans

Posted June 7, 2012 By kmarrs

Part of me wants to go through a full series of DBT.  Not because I’m in crisis mode, but because I think a skills refresher will help me cope with and respond to the boys’ behavior better.  Things remaining as they are could throw me into crisis mode.  Easily.

Most of me knows that finding a DBT class that fits to my work schedule, especially if I pick up full-time status, won’t be easy.

So while I am going to make some phone calls to see what all my local options are, I’m going to self DBT as well.

I figure I have been through the class enough times that I do know it fairly well.  In in my current rational mind, I should be able to go through each lesson on my own and brush up.  That is basically what this is.  I’ve taken the classes, now I just need to review my notes for the big test this week, so-to-speak.

I figure, while I’m at it, and to keep me on task, I will finish a task I started forever ago.  At one point I was reviewing and semi-teaching each class here on my blog, one blog post at a time as I went through DBT in the real world.  And I never finished it.  Life was crazy, I was a mess, and I didn’t have the oomph to follow through.  So, I should get on that.  It’s well overdue.

I think I’m going to instill DBT Tuesday for awhile.  I’ll go back and view the old posts and either pick up where I left up, or redo them.  Probably redo.  Since this is just as much for me, as it is for you, it won’t kill me to do this right by starting from lesson one.

So if all goes as planned, you can expect your first DBT lesson this coming Tuesday.  The nice thing is, since I have mastered scheduling posts in advance, I can write them way ahead even, as time permits, instead of cranking them out on the spot.

3 Comments so far. Join the Conversation

It All Comes At A (High) Cost

Posted October 29, 2011 By kmarrs

I would argue that cost is gas money, while some might argue it’s my soul.

Buddhism keeps popping up in my life.  I’ll read something and go, “Wow!  I could belive in and/or follow that!” I’ll take a silly quiz and it will tell me it’s the best suited religion.  The first highly noted incident of “WOWZERS!” was in reading Siddhārtha by Herman Hesse. It just sounded so simply obvious.  So over the years I kept meaning to do some research.  But it never happened.

Well a week ago, I decided it was time.  I wanted to at least see what my temple options were in my area so I could go and learn more in person.  Which led me to a problem.  What sect?  It hadn’t really dawned on me that like Christianity there would be different paths.

So, I did some reading.  My first thoughts where that I wanted to follow the path of Gautama Buddha which is a lot easier than I hoped. To put it so it’s easier understood, it’s like saying you want to follow a Christian sect that follows Jesus.  Sort of.  The point: big figure.  There are many Buddahs through history, but he was an important one.  So that still left me open with many options.  After viewing a chart (that is no longer online), I decided Theravada was the one that felt most right.  I liked that “Theravada means “The Way of the Elders” in Pali, reflecting the Theravadins’ belief that they most closely follow the original beliefs and practices of the Buddha and the early monastic Elders.” It was after all the original practices that peeked my interest.  Should I do some soul searching there and it not hit me as right, I’ll try Zen or another Mahayana subdivision next.

Ok, so realistically, will I become Buddhist?  I’m not sure.  It’s always peeked my interest as the possible answer to things.  It would also be a healthy means of achieving the calm I’ve always searched for.  But at the same time, I’m not one for organization and rules when it comes to spirituality so I might continue to have a problem with that.  Either way, I could at least see the teachings being used as everyday life skills not unlike that of DBT.  Basic meditation is healthy for everyone no matter the walk of life an belief system.  And well, I’ve never been able to properly meditate because I always panic I’m doing it wrong.  I end more stressed than I was when I began, even when guided through it.  Really, it kind of defeats the purpose.  So, even if I don’t end this quest with a belief system that guides me through life, maybe I’ll end it with the ability to at least meditate with out the need of an Ativan.  That would be something at least.

Oh, and as for my soul?  I can’t seem to be bothered to worry about it.  If the peaceful ways of the Buddhist monks and followers lead to damnation, then maybe that what I want anyway.  Sorry, but that’s how I see it!

Now I just need to find a temple near enough that follows the sect I’m after.  And a group that meets in the basement of a local church doesn’t cut it.

Be the first to comment

Blog Borderlne Personality Disorder BPDImp is officially biting people. I don’t know what happened. He was the sweetest of the rats and now he’s biting everyone who gets too close. Dave, any advice?

I had group today. Today is my favorite group. It’s the one where we talk about doing the things we enjoy to help improve our emotions. Eventually I’ll get it posted up here. After I post the 7 weeks that come before it. Seeing as how we are on week 12 and I last posted week 4, I’m guessing it’s going to take awhile. Motivation being at zero is making this impossible. But I’ll have the info forever so it isn’t like I’m going to run out of time. It can wait until I have the motivation.

I was suppose to have individual therapy today. However I wasn’t in a talkative mood and one of the other girls in class was in crisis mode so I gave her my time slot.

I finally had me doctors appointment today. I’m on Zantac 150mg twice a day for acid reflux. He also suggested some basic life style changes. I’m suppose to not eat anything I love to eat and I’m suppose to sleep on my back. Got it, I’ll starve to death and never sleep. All or nothing, baby. Because I’m stubborn like that. In reality I’ll most likely try to cut back on the and foods on my bad days but I’ll most likely never give them up completely. My acid reflux is not nearly bad enough for me to worry about it. I’m sure the meds will be enough. I know, I know. I’m talking crap. I’m stubborn. I like the foods I like. Actually I don’t even eat all that much that’s bad for acid reflux. Aside for my daily intake of Mt Dew. But you don’t want to know me without it. It’s the stuff horror stories are made of

So the battery for my Nikon D80 is dead. Dead dead. Gone the way of the microwave. It is refusing to charge. The kicker is it gave no warning. It gradually died and then refused to be charged back up. I’m going to have to replace it which will set me back 25$. That’s after my employee discount. Those are 50$ batteries.

Today I am feeling lost. Kinda like I don’t belong anywhere. I hate this feeling. I shared this feeling at group today and everyone was quick to assure me I belong with them. It had the opposite of the desired affect though. I don’t know how that works.

My druid, Faey, in WoW is up to 16th level. I’m working hard to make her a good little healer. I just want to play with Pat. I like life better when I’m playing with Pat.

I’m rambling. I’m going to end this and go work on leveling Faey. Night guys.

Be the first to comment
gilding@mailxu.com feblescoralee@mailxu.com