Brenda


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We bought the rats unsalted peanuts in their shells today. Watching them fight over 1, when I had the entire bag in my hands was funny. Watching them fight over anything is comical. They don’t fight dirty. They just play grab and run. You’d have to see it to understand. I’m sure David gets where I’m coming from. I held out peanuts and only Imp was willing to take them from me, then the others would take them from Imp. Meanwhile I had all 4 smelling and licking my fingers. They won’t take the damn food from me, but they’ll lick me. Go figure.

So I’m seeing a movie with Brenda on Wednesday. She had hit me up to go to a movie and it just worked out that the movie we want to see comes out this Friday. So we are going Wednesday afternoon. I’m really excited. I’m kinda excited to see the movie in question, but I’m really excited to be going with Brenda. She’s cool to hang out with. I could see her being me in 15 years in some ways.

We got everything we need for our Thanksgiving dinner. I can’t decide if I’m looking forward to it or not. I personally hate the holidays but Thomas is so excited about it. He has a 5 day weekend next week, and he’s currently grounded from, well, everything. So it should make for a long 5 days.

I’m behind on my DBT postings. I keep meaning to do them but they never get done. I can’t do one now because I have to leave to go get Thomas here in 7 minutes. Maybe later tonight I’ll post one if I think about it.

I have parent teacher conferences with Thomas’s teacher tonight. I’m curious what she has to say about him. He’s a smart kid but he is having trouble with reading. He has trouble stringing letter sounds together to make words. And then there is the trouble he’s having by goofing off in the bathroom. So we’ll see what his teacher has to say.

That’s it for now. More later maybe.

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My oldest has informed me that next Easter is going to be at Brenda’s house. Does she know about this? Well that’s easy, I can tell her.

Brenda, I’m not holding you to this. He’s young, he’ll get over it.

One time a tradition make. He is me kid.

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The first thing of note was the accident. Not mine. I witnessed a hit and run accident where a car pulled out into a busy intersection, smashed an oncoming car who had right of way, and kept on going. I stopped and hung out at the scene to be a witness to the accident. The three people in the victim car were really nice and grateful.

The best parts:

The front license plate of the offending car was ripped off the car in the accident and left at the scene, so tracking them down was made easier.

While the police was taking our statements we heard of their scanners that another person had followed the jackass who caused the accident and when they parked someplace, the police were called to that scene. We know it’s the correct car because the license plate numbers and description of the car matched.

Needless to say, the jack ass didn’t get far.

Very best part: Causing the accident, bad. Running from it worse. They just delayed the inevitable and made things worse for themselves by running.

After the police were done with us, I had them follow me back to my house (this happened a block away from where I live) so I could get good shots of the damage and email them to the girl who was hit.

I feel helpful.

Once I was home after that run around I gathered up the littles and took them to Brenda’s. We built a campfire and had hot dogs and s’mores. Thomas got to play ball with Brenda’s youngest and we had a lot of fun just hanging out.

I had a good talk with Brenda about how I’m getting bored at work. It’s something she saw a lot with me at Westerville. When I’m learning something new I soak it in and have a blast. But after awhile it gets to be old news. I am, however, just going to have to learn to get over it. I can’t go getting a new job every time I get bored.

But I’m left to wonder, is this caused by my BPD? I mean really everyone goes through it to some degree, but does my BPD make it worse. I get bored to the point where I do just enough to get the job done and that’s it. No extra effort. And I hate that about myself. Pat calls me the hardest working laziest person he knows. But when I’m bored I just get lazy. At the same time though, I’m the first to volunteer to go that extra mile when needed. I just need that push. Insult my ability to do maintenance and I’ll get a weeks worth done in one afternoon, I’ll just cry while doing it.

I dunno, but I need to figure this shit out. My job isn’t currently at risk but I really want to keep it that way.

School starts in like 11-12 days (the 29th) and I’m not sure if that will make matters worse or better. I’ll have something new going on so it’ll keep me more occupied, but I’m afraid I won’t balance work to school well. I know my family will suffer in the mix. But that’s why I don’t go every quarter. I don’t like that my family suffers but school makes me a better person and will provide for me more options to provide for them.

I know I need to get good grades. I lose my aid if I don’t. So I’ll have to decide early on if this set of classes is going to work out or not and drop them as need be. Which I really don’t want to do, but that will hurt me less in the long run.

I think my biggest concern is that I’m not handling stress well these days. Work or kid stress floors me. I’m not sure how school will add to that mix.

I don’t know.

I just don’t know.

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I’m not sure how I feel about not being pregnant. Relieved and sad together, really. So I know exactly how I feel.

I electrocuted myself. Not bad enough that I need medical help, but enough it traveled through my body.

I cried in front of the guys at work. My feelings were hurt and I cried.

I annoyed Brenda with my lack of confidence in myself. I don’t like disappointing her.

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I need to thank the people who came to visit me in the hospital.

Pat and mom go without saying. Both made their support known loud and clear.

Brenda I had the feeling would be there if I wanted her. As soon as I made it known I did, she made the trek up to see me. Time and time again Brenda proves why she’s my second mom.

Jen came as a surprise. I wasn’t aware she read my blog, so the fact she found out I was in the hospital from it was unexpected. But she walked into that emergency room and ended up being there when I needed someone the most. She has been my friend since I was Thomas’ age and I’m glad nothing could change that.

While I’m at it though, I need to draw attention to 2 friends I made while in the hospital; Bella and Riah.

Riah and I are a lot alike and I think we’ll have a good friendship.

Bella. Bella. Bella. Have you ever met someone and gone “Oh Shit! this person is going to change and shape my life!”? Bella is more informed on mental illness than me. I learned probably more from her in those 4 days than I did the nurses. Some of the things she said are now key phrases to explain my existence. To top it off we enjoy hanging out and talking. I realize my mind has made her pure white. I’m just praying she doesn’t come crashing into the black too hard or too soon. I just feel she was meant to be in my life and she said the same.

I just love that new friend(s) feeling.

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I’m going to a pottery party a week from this coming Tuesday at Brenda’s house. I’m stupidly excited.

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It’s amazing. Finally someone who has the patience to just sit and talk with me.

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