Archive for March, 2015

Borderline Personality Disorder BPD and FriendshipA direct copy/paste of a conversation with a dear friend.  Please note, this friend, her partner, Pat, and I have monthly dinner parties.  They are fun little get-togethers that force me to be social, and Sarah and Dez are my kind of people even when I don’t like people.

And Action:

Dez
yeah that would be cool and that’s good. how is the family doing?

Karen
Not too bad
sick the whole lot of them. I’m the only one that has stayed healthy which is odd.
Pat has bronchial pneumonia
Sambam is coughing so bad she keeps puking. Luke and Thomas it’s just coughing.

Dez
oh my good glob that is horrible, i hope everyone starts feeling better soon and glad you’ve been able to stay healthy.

Karen 
I’m a mental mess but I’ll pull through. I’m well medicated and have a good team professionally and support in friends and family.
When I try to cancel this next party, show up anyway, fuck the theme, and just force me to hang out. That goes for the next few. Maybe bring chocolate. Probably bring chocolate.

Dez 
with everything you have going on i couldn’t imagine glad to hear that you have a good support system all the way around and the meds are helping. you know i am here for you no matter what. i love you and your whole family. haha sounds good. i wanted to talk you about that, we could just hang out fuck the theme. i mean i can still bring pretty fruit and chocolate, even chocolate covered strawberries?

Karen 
omg yes
I’m still doing the salmon and salad because that sounds good to me

Dez 
sounds fine and we can throw you money towards that?

Karen 
Sure

Dez 
i was afraid there would be too many dishes. i would still like to find the purple asparagus and make that

Karen
That sounds delish. Grill it with some lemon

Dez 
sounds wonderful

Karen 
sounds like a plan

Dez 
great

Karen
so salmon, salad, asparagus, and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert

Dez
omg i just want to eat that right meow

Karen
I’m hungry as it is

Dez
i didn’t think i was until we discussed this lol

Karen
Pat was cooking for me, luckily

Dez
pat’s awesome

Karen
He is

And scene!

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The Walking the Borderline Weekender

Posted March 28, 2015 By kmarrs

Walking the Borderline Blog BPD Borderline Personality DisorderSo the other night mid bedtime story to my Lou-Lou, I had a story idea come to me. I had half the key points but was missing a few “why’s” and “how’s” that I knew Pat would be able to fill in because he is the family story-teller. A few hours later, I wrote up the beginning and an outline for the rest, stuck his name on the cover with mine, and asked him to help with what is missing. 24 hours later, we are indeed cowriting our first fantasy based, young adult short story. I think we’ve also decided that we work really well this way so we’ll take his storytelling skill, and my getting it to paper skill, shake it up, and hopefully maybe have a new story published every few months. Because when we do it this way, it’s easy as can be. We can then publish each short story on Amazon/Kindle as an ebook, and boom, we’re in business!

 

This week in my store:

We are out and proud!

Speaking of my store, you can find a link to the WTBL new items up along the top. It’ll take you here. I actually own the pink shirt. No joke, I love it! All items in the WTBL store are great ways to support the blog.

 

I didn’t write anywhere else recently.  I mean, I’m only writing 2 books now.  Actually, I’m barely passing as a functional adult.

 

In closing, the quote of the week

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”-Sammy
“Your Daddy…”-Pat
“That’s ok I guess… I want to be a Teacher.”-Sammy

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Mental Health Check In

Posted March 26, 2015 By kmarrs

Depression BPD Borderline Personality Disorder BipolarI am in the throes of a clinical deep depression.  I’m not going to sit here and blame it all on my brain chemicals acting up, but they certainly aren’t helping.  Basically all of the stress, except money, has been removed from my life, but I’m still…

I feel empty.  I’m having trouble finding interest in things I normally find interesting.  I’m constantly exhausted, but having trouble sleeping.  I have no real appetite unless I’m downright starving because I have not eaten all day.  I’m not BPD raging, but I still have my breaking point where I just want to yell and scream and then cry myself to sleep.

And that’s where I’m at.

It’s a miserable, dark, lonely place.

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My Almost Lover

Posted March 25, 2015 By kmarrs

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If You Had 90 Days

Posted March 24, 2015 By kmarrs

sad depressed liver failureThese seem to be the official numbers as they stand right now.  Could things change?  Possibly.

Rachel had the false positive already mentioned and explained here, on January 29th of this year, 2015.  She will not be eligible to be put onto a list in this state, until she is 6 months sober, and while she is actually already 7 months sober, they are going from that January date.  So she will be eligible to be put on the list for a transplant on July 29th.

However, a week and a half ago, she was given an estimated 90 day life expectancy.  So basically the end of June.

Now, that is an estimated life expectancy.  That is also when she is eligible for this list.  Each state has different laws and each center has different lists.  As she is really really really sick, and I mean really sick, she might find herself on a different list and she would probably be up near the top of it.  So, we’ll see.  The fact it’s a false positive might also be helpful in her favor.

I’m going to leave it as this, as this is a matter very personal to not just me, but my family.  However, as this much has made it to Facebook I should be ok.

I just… I’m taking this hard.  I’m struggling with thinking positive and optimistic.

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Intermission

Posted March 22, 2015 By kmarrs

borderline personality disorder blog bpdI am no longer in position to promise a post a day.  I am going to be spending more time with my sister and it might take some from my writing.  That said, I’m also going to be looking for means of mindful therapy, and writing has always been that for me.  And it isn’t like I’m spending time on school or work.  So really, I suppose it could go either way.  I just know I no longer have a stockpile of posts scheduled a month in advance.  So we’ll just see.  I’ll still post no matter what at least a few times a week.  Just don’t be overly alarmed is things quiet down some.

I’ll also post more on my sister as that develops, but that won’t be a daily or weekly thing.

 

God I’m tired.

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