Archive for 2015

Tick Tock Goes The Clock

Posted December 23, 2015 By kmarrs

(Hah! Bet you didn’t expect me back so soon!)

I’ve developed some nervous ticks. Some twitches and shakes. I’m not entirely sure what that’s about.

I’m guessing it’s mostly me decompressing from what has been the most stressful semester ever.

Like before now, during the term, I was so stressed and under pressure that every molecule of my body was compacted together and afraid to move for fear of fracture.

Now that I can breathe easy again… After 15 weeks of being held together so tight, I’m now shaky. It’s like all that pressure disappeared at once and there is nothing left to stabilize me so I vibrate.

I dunno.

Mentally I’m stable. Tired. Weary. But well.

Just have a slight shiver of vibration to me.

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Surviving Finals

Posted December 21, 2015 By kmarrs

So. Wow. It’s been a long minute since I last wrote.

All I can really say to my defense is that my idea of thinking 2 maths classes at once would be an easy return to school… Haha. Ha. ha. No.

I forgot the sheer work load in a single math class much less two at once.

But I survived! Even finals week! With my 4.0 intact.

God I’m tired though. The kind of tired that a nap just can’t fix. It’s like straight through to my core.

But I’ll recover. Just in time for next term. I’m actually going full-time next term, with 3 classes, but they are only 6 weeks each and none of them at the same time. It should be much lighter.

Also, I forgot how much I love to read. Or rather, I never doubted how much I love to read, but I sort of didn’t realize how much I missed it until term finished and I curled up with a book. To just sit there and read when you know there is nothing else in the world I need to be doing… It’d been awhile.

I’m rereading Game of Thrones. I hadn’t read them in a long while, years really, and I’d never read the 5th book so I’ve curled up with the first book and I’m going to try to read all 5 before I’m back in class.

Alright. I’ll try to update more, but I’m not really sure what there is to say. Life is quiet with no real drama. Other than the car breaking and then being gone with no replacement. I mean, my BIL whom lives with us has a car, but I only really have access to it 2 days a week. And even then it’s shared. I’ve never not had a car. It’s getting old fast.

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Siblings: An Intimate Look at a Lifelong Relationship

Posted November 20, 2015 By kmarrs

So… With one book published, one book in editing, and finals for 2 different maths classes coming up (4 tests total in the next month) I’ve come up with another book idea.  (Stress?  What stress?)

I’m wanting to compile a large quantity of essays that all take a look at one question: What does it mean to be a sibling?

If you are willing to contribute, here is what I’m asking:

Write me one essay of any length whatsoever of what it means to you to be a sibling. Also looking at your role in the family. Are you the baby? Oldest? Middle child? You are welcome to write this in the perspective of when you were younger, now, or compare the two. There is no firm deadline.  No real guidelines: tell your story about what being a sibling means to you.

You up for this?  Email me if you’re game!

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Mending Fences or Tearing Them Down?

Posted November 18, 2015 By kmarrs

Father,
I can’t believe that you care so little for me, that you would be intentionally hurtful. So I am going to make my feelings clear in hopes of repairing a relationship between us that I see to be gravely damaged.
I understand why you dislike my husband. I even understand your reasons, while I don’t personally agree with them. He has hurt your pride and your pride is a very delicate thing. I have come to understand that about you. Never mind that he loves me and cares for me unlike any other man could. I am a challenge to be around, no one, least of all me, would argue that claim. But that man you so despise puts up with my utter bullshit faithfully like I believe in my heart no one else could. Furthermore he has given me 3 amazing children that you yourself get to be a proud grandfather to. He has done more to raise them than I ever could, as I myself am no more than a child in many ways. He is the true and steadfast foundation my family is built on.
But you choose to hate him. You choose to hate him because of the struggles we all went through trying to keep a household together. You choose to hate him because you two didn’t always see eye to eye.
So fine. Hate him. But your hatred of that man becomes inexcusable when you can’t swallow you fragile pride and be around him for the sake of those you claim to love. You can’t tolerate to be in the same home as him for a few measly hours so that the family can be together for not just Thanksgiving, but my birthday. My birthday that I was looking forward to spending with my family.
Part of me wants to demand you be there. For the sake of your daughter and your grandchildren whom love you dearly. But then I reflect further and realize that if you were to come, you’d spend so much time letting your hatred consume you that would in fact spend that time pouting like a child who doesn’t get their way. A child who didn’t get their way 4+ years ago, but is still holding a grudge.
At least I know where I get my personal immaturity from. I come by it naturally.
Only I strive to fix relationships where you don’t seem to care who you hurt and why.
So fine. Be that way. Stay home for Thanksgiving and my birthday. Spend your Christmas in your room instead of in my home as well. For it’s better than spending an hour trying to find you as your pout walks you out my door and down the street when you can no longer bare to be around the father of your Grandchildren. When you can no longer bare to be around the man whom loves me unconditionally.
You can get over your stupid pride, accept my husband as a member of your family, and spend the holidays with your family, or you can stay home and alone. But please know that from here on out if you expect any sort of relationship with me, then you need to mend some fences with my husband.

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Travel

Posted November 2, 2015 By kmarrs

I don’t know why but of all the places in the world, I want to visit Greenland and Iceland the most.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to travel Europe and visit all the museums and historically significant places.  It’s a dream.  But if I were to only leave the USA once, I’d want to go to Iceland and Greenland.  They just to me seem to be the most beautiful places in the world.  Plus, they aren’t exactly tourist hot spots so it wouldn’t be so… crowded.

I don’t know.  I really don’t know what it is.

I bet there is a cruise that goes through the region and will stop at different ports of interest.  Or, I’d just take a flight and stay at different motels as I explored each country.  I’d need a few weeks to do it.  Maybe when my kids are grown and I’m done with my schooling I can reward myself with spending a summer doing just that.  I don’t know.

But…

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Christmas Miracle

Posted October 21, 2015 By kmarrs

Finances are worse than they’ve ever been for us before.  I honestly had no idea how we were going to pull off even a crappy Christmas much less a decent one.  But thankfully, I received my annual Christmas miracle: Amazon approved me for a credit line.  It’s nice because if you spend over $800, you aren’t paying interest for like 6 months, and I’ll be able to pay it off with the tax return no problem.  We’ve done this every year and it’s like the one credit card that’s never bit us in the ass.

So we got the kids taken care off.  I got something silly for my sister.  We bought a new tv because in 12 years of marriage we’ve never bought one and have been at the mercy of horrible hand-me-downs.  Plus the kids are getting a game system from Santa. (It’s actually a really cool retro system that has NES, Super NES, and Sega Genesis all in one.  So we also have kick ass games Pat and I grew up with incoming.)  And I got some supplies for the lizard while I was at it, because I needed the total up to get the special financing, but the kids don’t need the full lot spent on them.

So Christmas was saved.  And I’m done with my shopping for it, and it isn’t even Halloween.

Slackers.

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