I spent so long (9 years or so) thinking I wasn’t allowed to have a social life and a work life. How selfish could I possibly be wanting to go out with friends when I’ve already been gone for 40+ hours a week.
This is my hang-up. Yes, it gives Pat less off-duty time. But I thought that Pat’s need for off-duty time was more important than my need for friends and time spent with them.
You hear all these stories of working dads who go out with buddies every night, and when they are home they sit in front of the TV and mom is on full duty with house work and kids 24/7. I never wanted to be that working dad. Minus the buddies, that was actually my dad.
I never really realized that there is a happy medium. As long as I’m not going out every damn night. As long as when I am home I’m on duty or sharing duty. As long as I make sure my husband has his social life. As long as I appreciate and know everything my husband does.
My once a week climbing walls and occasional add-on of other social adventures, is far better for my marriage and my family, not to mention me as a person, than bouncing back-and-forward between work and home, with only the grocery store or outings with the kids in between.
Why did it take me so long to see this?
In related notes, it has dawned on Pat and I after years of anxiety disorders and bad decisions mostly on my part, we have reached a point in our relationship where we trust each other. When I say I’m doing such-and-such, he knows I’m doing such-and-such. When he says he’s doing this-and-that he can just tell me, no need to defend it. Until things are proven otherwise, we can hang where we please with whom we please and not have it tinged with paranoia. I can hang with a guy friend and he knows I’m not cheating. He can hang with a gal friend and I know he would never hurt me.
This addition of trust has gone a long way in easing the addition of a social life into the picture.