I woke up Wednesday morning, the morning of my Notary Public exam with the Columbus Bar Association no less, feeling funny in my tummy. I brushed it aside and had a bowl of cereal. Because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Breakfast didn’t help.
We all gathered in the car at 8:45 (OK 8:50. It’s hard to be obsessively early with 3 kids.) so that I could be downtown by 9:45AM. On the way there, the motion of the road had me regretting breakfast. I hoped it was nerves or something that would settle.
I made it through my test. Spending more effort concentrating on not exploding than anything else, I might add. Got back in the car that was thankfully waiting.
The ride home, oh the ride home. That’s around the time I realized that no, I would not be making it into work at 12:30PM as scheduled and planned.
I almost didn’t make it home. When I did, at 11AM, I made the call to work with my bum planted on potty, and a throw-up bowl in my lap. I needed both. At times I needed both at the same time.
Thankfully, with a strong work ethic backing me up, work was understanding. Which is good because I spent most the rest of the day curled up into the fetal position concentrating on limiting where the explosions came from. And not dying so that I could live to warn my kids away from 79 cent chicken pot pies.
Have you seen video of what happens if you give a seagull and alka-seltzer tab? I understand their pain.
This morning I woke up a touch weak from lack of food and an overabundance of bodily ick, but otherwise feeling a hell of a lot better.
I had my first successful fart.
I’ve had my first solid poop.
And I’m cursing the 79 cent chicken pot pie I had for lunch Tuesday. Though, in all honesty, it was named brand and probably a fluke. A fluke I won’t risk repeating anytime soon.
Not worth it.
But over all, while Wednesday sucked, I’m very thankful that food poisoning leaves the system as quickly as it knocks it flat. With a two-by-four. With spikes added for shits and vomits. (I was going to say shits and giggles but clearly I couldn’t pass up that opportunity.)
Oh and by-and-by, despite being on death door-step, not only did I pass my Notary Public exam, but I got a freakin’ 100%! I get my commission in roughly 6 weeks from the Secretary of the State. Then I have to file it with the clerk of courts. But then I get my very own seal with my name on it and everything!