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Sometimes…

After I find something new the middle little has destroyed…

Sometimes I wish I had gone from my 1st born to my 3rd born.

I don’t really mean it.

I love my snuggle puppy to pieces.

But he is a very, very hard child to parent.

He destroys not because he doesn’t know better, but because he can.
Because he’s bored.
Because he’s looking for stimulation.

And I’m about to break to pieces.

He is just so damn destructive.
All the time.
No matter the supervision.
Short of hand cuffing him to our sides…

He is 4.
Yes 4 requires supervision.
But 4 is where they start to gain independence and he just can’t be allowed any.

And I’d like to put him down for a nap, just once, without him destroying the protective sheet on his brother’s bed.
Or eating a book.
Or eating the purple crayon to see if it tastes like grape.
It doesn’t.
Or braking a toy 2 seconds after it was handed to him just to see if it’s destructible.

I’d like the boys to be able to share a room and toys without Thomas getting screwed over because Luke breaks everything Thomas owns.
But there is no way to separate the toys when the two share a space and there is no way to make it so that don’t share a space.

So sometimes…
I don’t like that feeling.
I love him.
No matter what.
But sometimes…

Even a fully equipped and mentally functional parent would struggle with him.
And I’m good.
But…
I’m not 100%.
2000% better than I was.
But not 100%.

But then…
Maybe I’m exactly the parent he needs because I know what it is he is suffering from.
I understand it, off the bat, at a level not many parents can’t personally relate to.
So maybe I’m his mom because I’m best equipped to care for him, because I’m ill-equipped.

Because I know that he is old enough to know better.
But I know his brain is misfiring
And I know that he can’t really help it.
And so I seek help for him.
I hold him accountable so there is hope he will learn.
But my ill-equipped brain allows me to see he needs more help than just my discipline alone can provide.

Please.
Someone agree with me.

Of all the indiscretions I’ve made public on this blog, Andrew, religion, sexuality, etc, this is the one that has me the most nervous.  Kids are a line though.  But I’m betting it’s probably the one that makes me the most normal. The most human. I’d really like for someone to confirm that, BTW.

7 Comments

  1. Comment by MssSassypants:

    I have one of those. What you are feeling is totally normal. Just because we adore them, does not mean that we like them all the time, yk? It gets better…it really does.

  2. Comment by Flower Mammy:

    I kind of agree with you there. I think sometimes our disfuntionality is better for our children than all the 100% parents in the world!

  3. Comment by Karen Marrs:

    Love you both, so fierce!

  4. Comment by Anonymous:

    sounds like my middie too

  5. Comment by Karen Marrs:

    Is it a middle child thing? D, is it your middle child who does this?

    Doesn't help that my middle little is a 4yo red-head with severe mental health issues on both sides of the family. *sigh*

    But oh his love is as fierce as all his other emotions. (Temper. And temper. And oh hey, temper.) Such passion from that child. Such passion.

  6. Comment by shindagrl:

    I will come out of my lurkdom, for the sole reason of validating you. Yes, I agree.

  7. Comment by Karen Marrs:

    Thank you. That means a lot to me!

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