Pondering

If the lights from a screen such as a computer, tv, or even cell phone are suppose to wake the brain up, making it harder to sleep…

And the calming activity of reading a book is suppose to allow the brain to mellow out allowing sleep to be easier…

Where do eReaders fall into this?

Smells Good in Here!

I’m attempting baking.  Which, I’ve spent almost 30 years getting burned every dam time I’ve gone near the oven.  So this whole baking thing is a development that scares people.  But, I’ve invested in aloe and some mixes and I’m going in.

I spent the first half of my marriage living with my mom and husband.  My husband can cook, my mom can bake, I never went hungry.

The second half of my marriage was spent living with my dad.  My husband can cook, my dad can bake, I never went hungry.

But, with the up and coming changes in living situation, one of us had to master baking.  Granted, my husband is by no means bad at it, it just isn’t his area.

It took me a while to figure out how exactly that works.  Then it dawned on me: Bakers measure every damn thing.  Cooks laugh at your measuring cups.

I can measure.  I mean, it’s math.  I can do math!  Dammit, I’m going to learn how to bake!

I’ve made 2 cakes, which have turned out interesting.  Um.  Despite a perfectly level oven and baking rack.  Despite perfect placement in the center of the oven.  It never fails that the half of the cake, length wise, closest to the oven door is baked up to the top of the pan, and the other half is about a quarter of an inch high and not so very fluffy.  It’s more crispy.

It boggles minds.  Cakes have been baked in there before and between.  So, it’s me.

The sugar cookies last night were decent.  And I have bought what will be needed to make them perfect.

Tonight’s blueberry cheesecake muffins are still in there.  Someone is listening for my timer, yes?  (Scratch that.  They just came out.  They need to cool while I edit this, but they look and smell divine.)

So far I’m sticking to mixes.  I need to master the basics before I get too creative.  The best way I can admit my inept is that about 3 weeks ago, my husband taught me how to grease a cake pan with butter then coating it with flour.  (I’m sorry mom.  I knew you weren’t done with me before he stole me away.  Thank jeebus he can cook at least, yes?  I’d starve otherwise.)

So.  I’m mastering mixes.  Then maybe later in the year, I’ll get creative with thinking outside the box.  Any fun ideas?  Ignore the whole “diet”.  I’m balancing this crap with lots and lots of fresh veggies.  So we’re good.  Promise.

Alright.  Off to devour some muffins!

Going To Lighten the Mood Some

Via my facebook feed between 1 and 2AM Tuesday into Wednesday.

DO YA’LL KNOW HOW AWESOME IT IS TO HAVE THE CAPS LOCK ON YOUR KEYBOARD STUCK IN THE ON POSITION? WHAT’S THAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOUR ANSWER OVER MY YELLING. WAIT, YOU SAY YOU DON’T? WELL NOW YOU MIGHT. ALSO, CONGRATS ON NOT BEING A TEENAGE GIRL OR AN INTERNET TROLL. (COME ON LIKE THEY KNOW HOW TO TURN CAPS LOCK OFF. GRANTED I DON’T SEEM TO KNOW HOW TO TURN IT OFF SO I’M GOING TO GO CRAWL AWAY INTO A HOLE NOW.) AND YES, SHIFT KEY. YOU TRY TYPING WHILE CONSTANTLY PUSHING IT DOWN. QUICKLY AND EFFICIENTLY. AT LEAST MY TYPING NOW REFLECTS MY NORMAL VOICE VOLUME. ANYWAY, TIME TO DISMANTLE THE KEYBOARD. WONDER WHICH KID SPILLED WHAT.

(My friend in response): I LOVE YOUR FACE, WOMAN!

WHAT’S THAT! I CAN’T HEAR YOUR SHOUTING OVER MY SHOUTING! I HEAR WHISPERS ARE THE BEST METHOD. THE PERSON YOU ARE WHISPERING TO HAS TO LOWER THEIR VOICE BECAUSE DUDE WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING WHILE I’M SHOUTING AND DO YOU REALLY THINK I CAN HEAR YOU? (ALSO, LOVE YOUR FACE TOO!)

OH HEY. PRIED OFF THE CAPS LOCK. CLEANED AROUND IT. STILL SHOUTING. TRYING AGAIN IN MORNING. BUT… ANYONE HAVE A SPARE, IT CAN BE CRAPPY AS HELL, KEYBOARD? SEEMS I HAVE A SHOUTING PROBLEM THAT WILL GET OLD REAL FAST, I’M SURE.

HOLD UP. GENIUS THOUGHT. SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. IT’S LIKE 2AM AND I JUST SPENT 5 HOURS WATCHING TWILIGHT ON DVD. BRAIN CELLS WENT THE WAY OF THE LEMMING, IS WHAT I’M SAYING. BUT I’M GUNNA RESTART MY COMP. WHILE I DOUBT IT WILL FIX THE CAPS LOCK ITSELF, I SHOULD GET STUCK IN AN INDOOR VOICE. HITTING SHIFT ONCE PER SENTENCE IS A LOT MORE REALISTIC THAN KEEPING IT PRESSED. AH THE DRAMA AT 1:30AM. SO MUCH FUN.

Well, at least something worked as it should. I’ll mess with the rest later. And shift key is my friend, in realistic moderation.

Keyboard fixed. Only had to dismantle a small percentage of it. Even got all the keys put back in the right order. And oh how I wish I could say that order was alphabetical order, but not even I am that dumb. Or OCD. Almost that OCD, but smart enough to realize why that OCD rearranging wouldn’t work as planned.

And scene!

And that was last night’s (nearly) 1 (wo)man scene.  Ah the life that is mine.  You only wish you could be as epic as I am.  You. Only. Wish.

Sometimes…

After I find something new the middle little has destroyed…

Sometimes I wish I had gone from my 1st born to my 3rd born.

I don’t really mean it.

I love my snuggle puppy to pieces.

But he is a very, very hard child to parent.

He destroys not because he doesn’t know better, but because he can.
Because he’s bored.
Because he’s looking for stimulation.

And I’m about to break to pieces.

He is just so damn destructive.
All the time.
No matter the supervision.
Short of hand cuffing him to our sides…

He is 4.
Yes 4 requires supervision.
But 4 is where they start to gain independence and he just can’t be allowed any.

And I’d like to put him down for a nap, just once, without him destroying the protective sheet on his brother’s bed.
Or eating a book.
Or eating the purple crayon to see if it tastes like grape.
It doesn’t.
Or braking a toy 2 seconds after it was handed to him just to see if it’s destructible.

I’d like the boys to be able to share a room and toys without Thomas getting screwed over because Luke breaks everything Thomas owns.
But there is no way to separate the toys when the two share a space and there is no way to make it so that don’t share a space.

So sometimes…
I don’t like that feeling.
I love him.
No matter what.
But sometimes…

Even a fully equipped and mentally functional parent would struggle with him.
And I’m good.
But…
I’m not 100%.
2000% better than I was.
But not 100%.

But then…
Maybe I’m exactly the parent he needs because I know what it is he is suffering from.
I understand it, off the bat, at a level not many parents can’t personally relate to.
So maybe I’m his mom because I’m best equipped to care for him, because I’m ill-equipped.

Because I know that he is old enough to know better.
But I know his brain is misfiring
And I know that he can’t really help it.
And so I seek help for him.
I hold him accountable so there is hope he will learn.
But my ill-equipped brain allows me to see he needs more help than just my discipline alone can provide.

Please.
Someone agree with me.

Of all the indiscretions I’ve made public on this blog, Andrew, religion, sexuality, etc, this is the one that has me the most nervous.  Kids are a line though.  But I’m betting it’s probably the one that makes me the most normal. The most human. I’d really like for someone to confirm that, BTW.

Collection of Thought to Round Out the Week

#1 best thing about moving into an actual house in a month?  When I hear random stomping, pounding, banging, etc I will know 100% for sure it’s coming from my house and not the house connected to me house.  Currently listening to what sounds like a cat running back and forward above me.  There is not a single cat inside this house.  So it’s something involving the neighbors and that shit echos bad.  Sometimes I swear this place is haunted.

For my 14th wedding anniversary, I want a year of dance lessons, with Pat, so that on our 15th anniversary, when we renew our vows (was going to be 10th, but we want Sammy older) we can do our equivalent of the following.

There is now a possibility he is considering a divorce lawyer, but he’ll get over it. 10 years we’ve been together and not once have we danced. 28 years I’ve been alive, and I’ve never (seriously) danced. We’re going big. Suck-it, bitch!  (Yes Pat, you’re the bitch in reference.)

I was only vaguely aware he existed before today (I don’t watch tv, sorry) but suddenly I really like Jon Hamm.  He is a man who deserves respect.

I was planning to vote Libertarian, this coming election.  Because mainstream politics are starting to annoy the hell out of me, and this way no matter who won, I would have voted against them.  Granted, I like Obama. A lot, even.  But the nation refuses to give him a Congress that will work with him.  And I really like Gary Johnson and most all he stands for, though I don’t honestly expect him to win.  Then Obama pulled out this:

Do I think any Congress will let it be federally passed?  Not really.  Do I think future presidents will let it remain even if it does?  Not really.   But I think he has a better chance with this than Johnson has of winning the election, and well, this is a big one for me.  Even with Johnson supporting it, the Republicans flat out don’t, so I’m going to vote for the stronger of the 2 who do, even though he isn’t my first choice over all.   I will even go through the process of legally being able to wed others to those they love, if this gets passed, just to be one more person against a shortage of those willing to do this.  Because you know many who can, will refuse.

Today, as I was telling my best friend Stacy, the plans for when I leave this world, it really sunk in how well my husband knows me.  First off, I’ve shared I’m going to be turned into a tree, but I hadn’t picked out one yet.  Pat has told me he’d have me become a Ginkgo Biloba tree because they let loose stink bombs and it’s very fitting of me.  My next question was, where should I be planted?  He’s decided the nook right outside the sitting room window of the first mental hospital I had a stay in, where he and Willy made me snow angles while waiting for visiting hours post blizzard, would be the perfect spot.  Yes, I quit agree it is rather fitting for me to spend my next life as a tree on the grounds of a mental health facility.  Then the life insurance from my work?  It’s 10 times what’s needed to ash and plant me.  So while my main insurance plan will be for securing my family’s future, the remainders of the work policy will finance an epic D&D game, that will be my wake, where everyone has to play an awakened monkey in my honor. (Think an actual monkey, that has the brain and speech ability of a human, but the impulse control and self discipline of the monkey.  So basically, me, only hairy and with a tail.  Bells of all sorts will be standard issue.)  This plan almost makes me want to be the first to go, many many many decades from now mind you, just so all this can happen.  If that isn’t the case, well the plan will be in my will and I will haunt all 3 of my kids and any grand kids if they drop the ball.  Oh!  And the number #1 gaming snack combo for this game will be blue (and only blue, you can special order those) M&M’s and Mt Dew.  Be there or be square!

Finally, and this is a tack on oh hey, though how that happened I’m not sure: A few weeks ago I filled out the application and sent in the money to the Columbus Bar Association to become a Notary Public.  The application has been approved and a study guide has been sent.  Now I have 90 days to pass a test with the Bar.  Once that is complete, I have another wait for results and then I get a nifty official stamp.  Once I have that thumbs up from the bar, I get to go to city hall and be sworn in by a judge.  Then I’m all official!  It’s something uber useful I can do now (well, by the end of summer) for my current job, but long run it’s really nice on the resume for future positions.  Also, I’ve seen the stamp in action and it even sounds official.

Professor Positive

Five things to be positive about.  One for each member of my family.  Smallest to tallest.

1. Sammy has learned to hold her own bottle.  And while there are plenty of times I don’t mind having both hands occupied with feeding her, it is rather nice to cradle her in one arm, and do something different with my other while she feeds herself.  Especially since her head, and therefore mouth and bottle, are all over the place while she eats, looking at every little thing.

2. Luke is learning to copy letters.  He may not know all their names or what to do with them, but he is learning to write his letters.  Makes me all the more excited to get him into preschool this coming fall.

3. Thomas, who doesn’t always get along with his brother, has his moments of really appreciating him.  He announces these moments with things such as, “Sometimes, you gotta love that kid.”  This usually follows Luke doing something sweet, funny or brilliant.  I’m just really glad Thomas can see the good qualities Luke has.  Gives me hope for their relationship.

4.  The first edition of the newsletter I’m creating for my boss, her peers, and their bosses goes live soon.  They met at their level and discussed a need for the newsletter but none of them knew how to go about it.  But my Branch Manger figured I’d be able and willing and well, it goes live very, very soon.  It’s monthly.  It’s brilliant.  No one tell them how easy it is.  Well, easy for me anyway.  Not so much for them.

5. Pat has found a hero and mentor in life and I couldn’t be happier or prouder.  He’s seeing Neil deGrasse Tyson as a life and parenting role model.  Everything from helping Luke’s storm fears by safely taking him out into one and teaching him, to attempting tolerance at noise levels because some of the best learning activities aren’t really quiet.  He can stifle Luke turning everything he touches into an instrument, or he can encourage the next Mozart, Yo-Yo Ma, or Ringo Starr.  I can think of far worse role models for a set of parents (I’m following his lead, he is fallowing mine, we are discussing strategy, etc) trying to improve, tweak and fine tune their parenting styles.


What do you have in your life to be positive about right now?  Please share!