Archive for April, 2012

Literary Adventure

Posted April 27, 2012 By kmarrs

So I sat down and started playing Pottermore.  I guess it’s playing anyway.  It’s been called a game.  I, personally, find it more “literary adventure”.  But that’s following years of playing MMORPGs and the such.

Anywho, it’s too early yet to see how obsessed with it I’ll be, but luckily I believe there is a clear and precise end of game.  I mean, right?  But then, games don’t always have an end game.  Anywho, obsession level is unclear.  I’ve only lost 1 evening to it, but it was an evening with nothing else planned and a high need to unwind.

I am stupidly proud of my wand selection (they gave me fir with unicorn core) and am amused, though not surprised with the Ravenclaw house assignment.  We (I say “we”, oh lordy am I in trouble) are known for being brilliant with high tendencies of insanity, after all.  In our defense, the brilliant can’t help but be insane.  I mean dear god.

Still, that is text book me.

Anywho, that is that.  We’ll see where this goes.  And apparently you can friend and duel people.  So if anyone of you play and want to fill me in on this stuff, by all means.  (Apparently I’m WolfStrike11168 in the game.)  I’m mostly just in it for the new source of knowledge about the books, characters, and world though.

Imagine that.  I’m in it for the knowledge.  Can’t imagine why I’m in Ravenclaw.

That said, I’m not afraid to tell you the part about Professor McGonagall brought tears to my eyes.

Anyway, if you don’t hear from me for awhile, you know I’ve become obsessed with it.  Sorry in advance.  I have no willpower against literature.

(PS. I am really bad, and I mean REALLY BAD at brewing potions.)

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And Scene!

Posted April 26, 2012 By kmarrs

Me (admittedly whining through this whole exchange): What should I do with this “cake”?
(I use that term loosely.  In baking said “cake” I reminded my husband why I’m not normally allowed near the kitchen and the next 9 years of marriage are now good to go.)
Pat: I don’t know, what do you want to do with it?
Me: I mean, do I have to put it away or anything?
Pat: If you don’t want it to dry out.
Me: Ok, but what should I use?
Pat: In it’s current state a butter bowl/dish (Not going to lie, half of our food storage means were bought already containing food.  Such as, in this case, butter.) would work.
Me: But we don’t have any clean!
Pat: Then use saran wrap or something. I don’t know, be creative!
Me: But I’m tired and creative to me, at this point, is me throwing a towel over it and hoping for the best!
Pat: Then throw it away!
Me: No, I want to eat it! 
*pause*
Me: The only thing worse than trying to find a Tupperware lid to bowl combo is trying to find one at a quarter to midnight when you’re tired.
Pat: Would you like a hug?
Me: No… I’d like a lid that would fit this bowl!
Pat laughing to the sound of a Tupperware avalanche in the kitchen
Me: Stop laughing at me!
Pat: I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you!
Me: But I’m not laughing!
Pat: You should be, this whole thing is funny!

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Wait, Is THAT Why?

Posted April 26, 2012 By kmarrs

Luke, standing on scale: What number did I turn momma?
Me: 43.6!  You’re getting so big and strong!
Luke: I know!  It’s because I poop all the time now!

Ok.  Wait.  Pooping creates weight gain now?  About as logical as the doctor’s insistence that it wasn’t the beta-blocker.  And no, apparently I’m not over that yet.  Especially since in the 3 weeks I’ve been off it, I’ve lost 8 pounds.  Yes I’m aware that in the past week I’ve started counting calories.  But, I’ve also been cheating and counting sex, and 5 minutes a day of stretching, as exercise.  So…

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Jumped in With Both Feet

Posted April 25, 2012 By kmarrs

I decided that if I was going to the trouble of counting calories, I might as well go all in and exercise too.  I mean, if nothing else, it will allow me that candy bar, am I right?  You know I’m right.

I’m not starting hardcore.  I don’t have it in me.  If I can’t do it in 10 minutes, in my living room, with my body being the only equipment needed, it isn’t happening.  I’d call this lazy if this wasn’t a huge step in the right direction.

It actually, started with me wondering if a certain yoga pose would help with my back aches.  And then while I was down there I figured I could also do some from my ass stretches.  Limbers me up for my real physical exercise exertion: sex. Because I can guarantee a candy bar has more calories than 10 minutes of stretching/yoga can burn.

I’ve got myself a 5-10 minute routine that I do 1-2 times a day.  The exact numbers are based on how sore my back is.  Because while this is aiming to help my back, it is totally killing me.  Not because the stretching is hard, but because my back is that messed up.

And it is actually working in the long run, in a it gets worse before it gets better, sort of way.  As I was getting into the position of my favorite pose last night, I had my back crack in 3 places all on it’s own.  The 3 places I was hoping would crack.  Now, 12 hours later it’s as if it never happened, mostly, but I have seen the light.

I’m also hoping that as my legs and back get use to this whole stretching thing, I can hold the poses longer and work my way into a 30 minute routine, 2 times a day.

Then come the days when I’m really feeling daring, and ashamed that I’m calling 5 minutes of stretching exercise, and I decide, fuck-it, I’m already on the floor, let’s throw in some crunches.  Worst good idea ever.  I mean, yeah it’s good for me and I might someday actually see the fruits of my labor.  But oh dear god am I out of shape.  So miserably out of shape.

Anyway, I’m slowly trying to add new stretches and simple no equipment needed exercises in.  I know a lot of options, but I’m not yet ready for most of them.  Getting into shape is kind of pointless if I die trying.

That said, should my body be found on the ground floor of my house, and there isn’t a mark on me, go ahead and assume it was the stomach crunches.  Pat and I are currently very happy so you are safe to assume it wasn’t him.

You’re welcome Pat!  I just removed you from the suspect list.  That’s love!

Or I just made it really convenient for you to get away with murder.

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The First 9

Posted April 25, 2012 By kmarrs

I’ve had snippets of thought run through my head on what I could possibly say to really get across what I’m thinking and feeling.  But nothing seems to come close.

I’ve been married for 9 years.  That’s almost 1/3 of my entire life.  Really, mostly all of my adult life.

9 years.

There are people who can’t even make it a year.  Or a month.  Or a week.

Pat and I, as messed up as we are individually and even at times, many times, together, have outlast couples far more stable than us.  Perhaps the glue that holds us together is the understanding that no one else would put up with the shit we put up with?

Or maybe it’s the mutual understanding that no one, NO ONE, can get me like my husband does, and I’d like to think I do a pretty damn good job of getting him too.

9 years.

9 years and he still loves me.  It isn’t just what he says.  It’s what he does.

Like doing his damnedest to make my poor, decrepit desk chair usable.  I didn’t ask.  He just figured out a way to “fix” it and did it.

The way he encourages me to start watching Dr Who knowing full well he’ll lose his wife to the telly for a month (at least) but also knows I’ll love it and it’s worth it.  Plus, it’s something we can share.  After he loses me to the telly for a month (at least) while I catch up.

Plunging the toilet almost every time I use it even if nothing more than just pee is being flushed.  I’m fairly sure our toilet downstairs hates me, but thank god my husband loves me.  And can use a plunger.  It’s basically a requirement for being married to me, really.

The fact I’ve carried and birthed 3 babies now and things, uh, don’t exactly work the proper fashion anymore.  But he’s patient, understanding, and willing to accept the fact he’s partially to blame anyway because he is the one who knocked me up, after all.

He’s seen me through 2 mental health hospitalizations and was able to keep me laughing the one time with the Ativan that made me out-of-it.  You had to have been there.  You weren’t.  It was just me and Pat.  And the lesbian nurse who had the hots for me that Pat swears up and down wasn’t a figment of his imagination, leaving me to question just which one of us was on the Ativan.

Hell, Pat literally saved my life that one time I was carrying furniture up a flight of stairs, hit the wall at the top, got pushed back down the stairs with the furniture riding me the whole way down.  Only a few more steps and my neck would have snapped like a twig, but he caught me.

He humours my love of my final course at Mongolian BBQ being a plate of nothing but pineapple and Teriyaki sauce.  Then started to make it for me at home because it’s so much cheaper than going to BD’s for just pineapple and Teriyaki sauce.  (I always have a couple of plates of real food to get my money’s worth, but I’m not going to lie about my real reason for wanting to go.)

He laughs at my biggest fear (of being locked int he vault at work overnight) because really if he doesn’t laugh, that’s because he thinks it’s plausible and the only way I’ll be able to enter said vault is if I don’t think my fear is rational.  Even though it totally is.  Clearly.

9 years of putting up with my shit.  Literally.  And I will never stop being thankful.

9 years.

No really!  I’ve been married for 9 years!

Not that long ago I was asked on twitter how my husband copes with my destructive behavior.  My husband pointed out that he’d let me/them know when he figured out how.

And yet?  9 years.

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5 Years

Posted April 24, 2012 By kmarrs

Right now, after 9 really long, hard years, things are finally really starting to look brighter.  It’s been a constant battle to be where we are and even so, there is much room to improve.  So while I gladly accept what progress we’ve made, here is what I would like to see happen in 5 years.

In 5 years, we hope to be where we were aiming for all along.

In 5 years, our youngest will be on a bus headed to school each morning, and not returning until that afternoon.  A fact I’m in denial about because OMG MAH BABY but, this will allow Pat those hours to do what he wants to do.  Instead of putting full energy into kids, he will be able to focus on home more like he wants.  (He does awesome I want to add.  There is still only so much he can do.  The kids are the primary focus.  As they should be.)

In 5 years, with the kids gone during the day, Pat can focus on writing.  For years he’s wanted to start and work on a project.  He’ll have that chance.  The home can wait. ;)

In 5 years, we will be in our home.  However this current house hunt, and whose name the loan is in turns out, we will have taken it over by then.  Or gotten a different place fully in our name start to finish.  We will have properly paid back Jesse whatever we end up owing him from this process.  And we will be putting money towards our mortgage, not someone else’s.  Jesse is wonderful, awesome, beyond words.  But I don’t want to be indebted to him for the life span of a 30 year loan.  I will be indebted to him soul to soul for eternity, but I don’t choose for money to be involved longer than is necessary.  We could not do this for another 5 years without him.  We need to do it now.  He is graciously making it happen.  I will never stop being thankful.  In 5 years, things can be switched around and we’ll be, not even because there is that soul debt, but financially I hope to be square.  Besides, then he can turn around, buy yet another house, and make an investment killing.

In 5 years, I will be somewhere in my career.  I can’t say where because my path is unclear, but I don’t see that as a bad thing.  An opportunity to take a not previously known path will appear in the next few years, I will take a chance, and it will be glorious.  But I won’t know that path until I reach it.  And I am enjoying the stroll along the way.  There are lots of violets along side this trail.

In 5 years, school will be further along.  Honestly?  I don’t hope to have much beyond half a year’s worth done.  I don’t choose to rush it because I’m enjoying my kids while I can and focusing on work.  But I’ll get there.  And in 5 years I will be further along.  I have to be further along.  At the very least, I hope to have my master plan further defined.  2-year business management followed by a 4-year economics is still looking mighty grand, but how long ago was it that I was planning photography? Then, math/English/combo shot?  Then psychology?  And while all of those still sounds so perfect for my spirit and feeding my soul, I have to look at what will pay the bills, and what I can finish before I retire, not after.(Economics would do that AND still feed my soul.)  So for now the plan is the 2-year management followed by the 4-year economics.  But, 5 years from now is a ways away.

In 5 years, this diagnosis bull-shit with my boys will be out of the way.  Or at least for this stage of their life.  I don’t expect perfection, I just want a better family dynamic and better learning and growing opportunities for them.

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