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(Bad) Advice On How To Survive A House Full of Family This Holiday Season

The joke of stuffing the turkey full of Prozac?  Yeah, that’s an old one.  Try Lunesta or Ambien.  Why get along when you can all be equally guilty of sleeping?

Besides, you have a burning fever!  What are you even doing out of bed?

Start every sentence with, “In accordance to the proficy..”  Sure you still have to be around people, but at least you’ll be entertained, right?

This shirt is a must, since it’s half the reason we want to avoid the family, yes?

This one might keep them on their best behavior.

Though, if all else fails, this one should get the message across!

(Plus, profits go to The Bloggess and she tends to do good things with profits like charity and feed her family.  And buy huge metal chickens.  But, you know… All good things.)

Eggnog?  It’s alcoholic for a reason dude!  You aren’t a slush, you’re “festive”! I will not encourage my readers to drink alcohol.  I will not encourage my readers to drink alcohol.  I will not encourage…

Ok, SOMEONE, is going to have to fall asleep first post turkey. (Even more so if you stuffed it like I suggested.)  Get a sharpie and go to town!  Now, you have something to look forward to!

Answer ALL questions by talking in circles!  They should learn to stop asking eventually!

Up your dosage. Wait, that might be good advice!  It does not belong here!

3 Comments

  1. Comment by Lisa:

    Oh Lord!!! I just finished baking, crawled into bed and read this!! Bahahahah! I'm taking ativan when we leave the house. It's an hour drive. I'll take another four hours later. Second dose will help me forget any hurtful things flung across the table. Lenny's family is different but they are the nicest, most accepting people in the world.

    I just really never escape the depression that goes with my bipolar. The holidays hit me with almost every single trigger with my BPD and my anxiety is through the roof – it balances the depression, I can actually get shit done.

    Here's hoping I don't slug anyone tomorrow! Happy Thanksgiving! You're support this evening has been awesome. Maybe we should keep this topic going through the next month. I'm guessing I'm not alone with my feelings.

    Lisa

  2. Comment by Walkingborder (Karen):

    No, you aren't. I also have the joy of my birthday thrown into the holiday mix. And I really don't like any of it. I tolerate it for my kids. And seeing them happy makes me happy. But without them? Bah humbug for all of it.

    And I don't even really like having my birthday acknowledged. It makes my uncomfortable and squirmy. I'm dreading my facebook wall exploding with well wishes. Almost to the point of considering deleting my account again for like a week.

  3. Comment by Lisa:

    That would be extreme. Just sayin! Kind of above and beyond a normal self soothe! How about just staying off FB for a week of so and not going back to read the wishes from all those effers who think they have the right to tell me how to feel on my birthday, I mean your birthday. :)

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