Archive for August, 2011

OK, at least half, if not more, of my readers have at least one daily med. And if even half of that half is like me, well, that shit is hard to remember. Even if you’ve been in the habit for years! I, myself, am the queen of forgetting everything. So forgetting to take meds? You betcha! The thing is, maybe a missed dose here and there won’t hurt you. But something like Geodon? Instant withdraw after just one forgetful evening. You don’t want to forget something like that!

So, how can you remind yourself? There are many tricks, and some work better than others depending on the person. So here they are:

  1. Pill box. This has never EVER helped me remember to take them, but it has helped me remember if I already took them if I second guess myself. Plus, it keeps them organized so you don’t have to sort them out with each individual dose. I wouldn’t recommend this method on it’s own, but pair up with something and you are good to go!
  2. Notes! This is very simple as long as you put some thought into it! Write a few notes and post them in plain sight in places you are sure to be around the time you have to take your meds. Do you take them every morning at breakfast? Then post the note on the cabinet that holds your breakfast cereal! The catch with this is, eventually you are so use to them, you stop seeing them. So either change them up when this happens, or move on to another reminder method.
  3. The daily routine! This can be paired with the second one. What is something you do at the same time every day? Add taking your meds to that routine! Then like I said, post a note there as well. Even if you stop noticing the note, hopefully it’ll be so completely a part of the routine, you won’t need the note any longer.
  4. Phone alarms. This one pretty much requires some sort of set schedule. If some days you sleep till 8, but other days noon, setting your AM med alarm for 8:30AM isn’t going to work. Likewise, if some evenings you work until 6, and others 11, a PM med alarm at 9:00PM isn’t going to work, unless you can take your meds at work the second the alarm goes off. Don’t count on remembering to take it on your next break.
  5. Put your pills where you can see them plain as day, every day. (Though out of reach of children and pets, of course!) If you can’t see them, how can you be expected to remember to take them?
  6. Remind a friend! If you have a friend or family member who forgets nothing, maybe they would be willing to help out. Some will be more willing to get involved with this than others. If the meds are long term, this is quite the commitment. Plus, I don’t know about you, but this sets them up for a daily cranky response from the med taker of, “Yes! I know!” So uh, should someone agree to this, be kind. Or you have no one to blame but yourself if you find yourself on your own! Plus, if you really knew, you wouldn’t be relying on someone to remind you.
  7. Use a calendar that’s in plain, hard to miss sight. Put a big red X on each day you remember to take your meds.
  8. If you are really good at computers, there is a way that you can make a daily reminder function that pops up as a really annoying dos window that will remind you. Don’t ask me how. I’ve done it only once with step by step instructions when I needed to remember to take my glucose test at an exact to the second time. BUT it worked!
  9. Apparently there are services out there that will send your phone a text at the same time every day to remind you. I don’t know anything about it, but you are welcome to look it up if this strikes your fancy. I’d look it up and link but I’m running out of time and I’m sure there are a few to choose from with different pros and cons.
  10. Divide and conquer! Put your meds in a couple different spots so that if you don’t notice them on the table, you’ll notice them by the coffee pot. Or, put your notes I mentioned in a few different spots. Same idea.

Also, it doesn’t hurt to carry a dose with you at all times that way should you get to work and go, “Oh crap!” you are covered. Better late than never!

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This Is It

Posted August 30, 2011 By kmarrs

Pregnancy and Borderline Personality DisorderIt’s officially August 30, 2011. In 8 hours I’ll be at the hospital being set up to be induced. Don’t know what will happen for sure when, but as long as this kid is out sometime tomorrow, we’re cool.

I should point out that if there are too many spontaneous labors I will have to wait. Hours? Days? I don’t really know. But I’m going to be optimistic. That said, that would be one set back I won’t argue. Lord knows I’d be pissed if I was in serious active labor and had to wait on a bed because someone was scheduled to be induced (and they hadn’t even gotten there yet).

So, that being said, don’t expect to hear from me for a couple of days. I hope to do a check in on the day I’m released, but this blog won’t be my biggest priority. Then again, I’ll want to post at least a pic and the basic stats, so I’m sure you’ll have something soon enough. Just don’t hold me to a date.

Also, that really cranky post I wrote whenever that was (I’ve kinda lost track of days)… It seems to have done the trick. I didn’t want to be mean, I just couldn’t hear those questions and comments anymore. Luckily the response I got was understanding and not anger. And it allowed me to give forth information when I was ready instead of when other people were curious, and that’s what I needed. Not that there was any info to really give. But with that having been the case, answering “no contractions” 15 times a day would have about killed me. Or rather, led me to killing somebody else. So avoiding that was really really nice.

So cross your fingers baby in about 12 hours or less, and on that note I’m going to go try to sleep, fail, give up and then clean something.

Oh! And should you want to follow along, may I recommend following me on twitter? If we are already facebook friends, my hubby will be leaving comments on my account from his where you should be able to find them if you look. But the best bet is twitter. Just keep in mind: I’ll be able to send in tweet updates from my phone, but my phone doesn’t have actual internet so it’s in text message form. Which means you can reply until you are blue in the face, as long as you don’t expect a response until after I get home.

Right. Sleep. Fail. Give up. Clean. BABY!

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#finestayinthere aka BPD and Pregnancy

Posted August 28, 2011 By kmarrs

Apparently last night’s 4AM twitter rant had my husband rolling with laughter when he saw it this morning, so I figured I might as well share it with others. Hopefully it makes up for the angst of the previous post.

  • At this rate I won’t have to worry about the boys you bring home. #finestayinthere
  • Plus this would make becoming a teen mom harder. #finestayinthere
  • Oh, and no questionable make-up and fashion choices! #finestayinthere
  • My feet aren’t really much to look at anyways. #finestayinthere
  • The one reason to be fat that no one questions. #finestayinthere
  • So, would this be considered the opposite of running away from home? #finestayinthere
  • This saves me on the no drinking, drugs or sex lecture. #finestayinthere
  • Hard to throw wild parties if you are confined to my womb. #finestayinthere
  • This arrangement will save me a fortune on future phone bills! #finestayinthere
  • The looks on people’s faces when I tell them I’m 5 years pregnant would pretty funny. #finestayinthere
  • Wintergreen tums are actually pretty good once you get use to the chalk aspect. #finestayinthere
  • For once I have an excuse to be cranky that no one can argue with because it’s expected and unavoidable. #finestayinthere
  • It’s 10:00 and I’ll always know where at least my youngest is at! #finestayinthere
  • Spoiling his little girl will totally mean spoiling me! #finestayinthere
  • I’ll never get bored with your youngest older brother examining my belly button and informing me he can’t see you! #finestayinthere
  • I actually get laundry done when nesting. #finestayinthere
  • This solves the problem of where to put your car seat since it won’t fit behind daddy’s seat. #finestayinthere
  • This way, when you kick your brothers they get excited and not mad. #finestayinthere
  • A lot less teenage girl drama this way! #finestayinthere
  • You won’t be able to grow up and leave your momma by moving across the country (or world) this way! #finestayinthere
  • Though, you are taking me telling you you’re grounded a little too seriously… #finestayinthere
  • This makes for 2 less cases of monthly PMS in the house. #finestayinthere

Please PLEASE feel free to play along in the comments or on Twitter. I could use the cheering up! Really!

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Update So People Stop Asking

Posted August 28, 2011 By kmarrs

I don’t know how to word this kindly. I’m kinda of beyond the capabilities of kind. So I’m just going to copy and paste this from twitter where I wasn’t worried about hurting people’s feelings. Because honestly, I’m a touch not right in the head right now. I’ll be fine once I have this kid, but until then, I’m miserable.

“Getting to be a touch sensitive to people telling me to hurry up and pop this kid out. Like, want to smash things (faces) sensitive. Also getting annoyed with everyone asking for an update. If there was an update, you wouldn’t have to ask for one. And by asking for an update, you are reminding me that oh hey, there is no update. As well as probably waking me from trying to sleep through lack of updates. But I’ll be tolerant of your need for an update, if you will be tolerant of me breaking your face when you tell me to ‘hurry up’.”

So until further notice, assume I’m not going into spontaneous labor and will be induced at 8AM on the morning of August 30th. Should that change, I’ll let you know. No need to ask. I have a big freakin’ mouth.

Bottom line: when I was sent home from the hospital at around 7PM Friday I was told I was without a doubt in active labor and they would see me back in 24 hours at the most absolute ridiculous latest. Yes well, it’s been almost 48 hours and I haven’t had a single contraction in over 24. I get that the time of labor can’t be predicted. No one can do that. Unless, it’s scheduled. But being in labor or not in labor, is a little more exact. I can understand cautiously guessing I’m not in labor when maybe I am, but don’t tell me I for sure am, when it turns out, I’m not.

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The Boys and the Beginning of a Daughter’s Story

Posted August 27, 2011 By kmarrs

Children of Borderline Parents
Thomas was born at 36.5 weeks, according to official records. I have always had doubts about his due date for various reasons, but since 36.5 made him a preemie, it was more important to agree to that than argue, because that was significant information for future pregnancies if it was accurate. Though, him being a preemie (by 3 days) did mean there was extra staff in the room, they were never needed because he was just fine.

I was at work when I went into labor with Thomas. I had just finished putting together something I probably shouldn’t have been putting together for my department. While there was no heavy lifting, it was slight physical labor. Not long after, the Braxton Hicks contractions I’d been having FOREVER, became regular and I took notice. I timed for awhile and then gave my boss a heads up right before I phoned my doc. My doc did agree it was time to head in, so I called my hubby and away we went.

Once I got to the hospital, it was decided I was dehydrated and that’s why I was feeling contractions like I was. By that point they were headed towards intense, but I shouldn’t have been feeling them yet. However, I was far enough dilated that I warranted a room and they weren’t sending me home. So I got situated, was given an IV to hydrate, the contractions stopped being noticeable, and I slept through the night.

By morning, I was at the point where I was feeling them again and the doctor broke my water to speed things up, but it was still hours before it was time to push.

When pushing started, I literally pushed about 3 times and he flew out. No exaggeration. My first born, at 8 solid pounds, wanted out and once he had that little extra help from momma, out he came. There was no stopping him.

Nothing has changed, btw.

Children of Borderline Parents
Luke was born at 37.5 weeks. Again, like his brother, I had Braxton Hicks for weeks before his appearance. The final few days before he was born, while they were no where near regular, they were pretty intense and I was getting no sleep. So despite my plan to work until labor, I showed up to work one Monday and told my boss I could finish the day but then I had to stop. I couldn’t do it anymore. She never even hesitated in agreeing with me. She had from day one had been the protective momma bear type and she knew I was at my breaking point. And we all knew it was a matter of days before I was in labor anyway, so what difference did a few days early make? I think it also helped, that it lessened the chance of a dramatic water break at work. (Though once again my water was broken by a doctor.)

Sure enough, the day after I went on leave, I spent the day knowing this was it. The contractions were regular, but not yet close enough for most of the day. That evening, mom and I took a last minute trip to target. I think I finally settled on a diaper bag and I’m sure we picked up a few other odds and ends. Not really sure.

That evening, the contractions brought me to my knees and had finally reached that goal of 5 minutes apart or less, so to the hospital I went.

Just to be told I wasn’t dilating.

So I walked the hospital halls for hours. Walked and walked and walked. Every few minutes having a contraction that had me grabbing the closest whatever and making it impossible to breath.

But I still was not dilating. Not even a little. I was stuck at 2.

So I was sent home at around midnight, maybe, with a sleeping pill and was told the contractions would stop or they would see me in the morning. At that point, they couldn’t confirm I was even in labor. We just knew no progress was being made.

Let me tell you, there are some things even the strongest sleeping pill won’t let you sleep through. I spent most the night on my hands and knees half dozing, half wishing a speedy death (to me, not the baby). Finally by morning I had enough and went back. Thank god I was dilating and was quickly taken to a room.

It was still a few hours before it was time to push, and I did my best to rest while I waited since by that point I had my epidural, but I didn’t accomplish much sleep even then.

When the time came to push, I pushed and pushed and pushed, but I couldn’t give it my all. I was too exhausted. It doesn’t help that Luke, very much being my child, did not want to come out. (You should hear what I did to my poor mother 2.5 decade prior, for reference.)

Thankfully, he was just far enough along that they could vacuum him out instead of me having a c-section. Either way, it became obvious my pushing wasn’t going to get us anywhere.

He was finally literally pulled out and declared a healthy 6 pounds. To this day, I find it hysterical that my first born an 8 pounder flew out while my second born a 6 pounder refused to budge.

So now, my darling daughter.

Sammy dropped out of the blue at 36 weeks. Right in time to follow the 37 week average, her brothers had established. Not long after, the Braxton Hicks which had been amazingly missing, started up.

Almost a week after she dropped I had this appointment. That night I literally timed contractions for 6 hours straight. Here are those results. The following day, last Saturday, I had contractions off and on through the day, but nothing like the day before. By Sunday, they had full on stopped. It wasn’t until, I believe Tuesday, that they started up again, though just like Saturday they were random with hours in between.

Thursday at my 38 weeks appointment, it was still blatantly obvious that I was damn close, just not quite there. I was, thankfully, dilated just enough though at a 3.5, that my midwife offered to strip my membranes. While painful, it is harmless and can about half the time trigger labor for those who are close.

Thursday night, I was self confined to my bed by about 7PM. I was in some amount of pain. Membrane stripping can cause cramping and when added in with the baby being right there (which is painful… Whoever named it “lightening” needs kicked in the teeth because nothing feels heavier than the baby dropping.) and the occasional contractions, I was pretty miserable. I was also not in the mood to play “guess that pain” which makes timing things hard, so I decided it was in my best interest to sleep.

I slept for a few hours and then found myself awake. So I still mostly confined myself to my bed, and read for hours. Then I went back to sleep and dozed off and on until about 1PM Friday afternoon. Thank God I’m officially pregnant enough that my husband does not fault me for a day spent in bed. I think it helps that if I’m there, he doesn’t have to put up with my moody ass. Which is only getting worse as this pregnancy lingers.

At about 4AM, btw, the bloody show, showed up. Now, having had 3 episodes of bleeding prior in this pregnancy, my first reaction was , “Yeah right” but then considering the membrane stripping 12 hours prior, I decided I should take it seriously. I consulted the holy book of pregnant women and it confirmed what I thought: While it wasn’t time to call the doctor or head in, it was a sign things were happening. I went ahead and sent my mom and Pat (he was upstairs and I was hoping he’d sleep through it and find it in the morning since it could still be hours and I wanted him to sleep) a text to give them a heads up. Then went on about my business.

Friday at about 2-2:30PM the occasional contractions suddenly turned into every 4 minutes someone tried to both rip out my spine and tare apart my uterus contractions and they were lasting a solid minute. I went ahead and lay down for a short while to see if they continued, and they did. With them coming out of nowhere like that, I wasn’t wasting time. For weeks I’ve had it drilled into me that the 3rd comes fast. My midwife had said when the time comes, don’t waste time confirming with the office, just go. So I went.

When I got there I was dilated to 4. And showing signs that this wasn’t false, I was in labor. But I was not yet to the point where they could keep me. Labors can be long, and they do try to encourage mothers to do the part they can, at home. Better comfort and well, less time occupying a bed. I totally understand, really. Not thrilled, but understand. That said, with this being my third, they didn’t want to just send me home after the first check. I was sent out to walk the halls for an hour, and I did. To the point that my back still hasn’t forgiven me, I walked those damn halls that I had walked 3.5 years prior.

I was told when that hour was up, they were looking for any progress at all. More dilating would be nice, but thinning would work too. Or any sign at all that things were progressing and not lulled.

Nothing.

So they had me hang out for a bit so they could monitor contractions and present the full picture to the person making the decision. I was obviously in labor. There was no denying that. And this was my third which means things could go from slow to pushing, fast, so they didn’t want to send me home if they could avoid it.

But finally they had to give up, and home I went. With everyone knowing I’d be back in the morning, if not sooner.

I’ve been home for 5 hours now. And while the contractions haven’t stopped by any means, they aren’t progressing either. So I’ve been resting. Mostly to conserve energy, so that this isn’t a total Luke repeat. However, while contractions are take my breath away, though not quite drop me to my knees, intense when I’m sitting, they are still pretty mild when I’m lying down. They by no means stop, but they aren’t much of anything intensity wise. So I’m going to use my lying down contractions to gauge when it’s time to go back. At a 4 I only have to dilate a little further to nab my bed. Or thin some more. So not much progress is needed. Just something. Anything.

Of course, a good old fashioned water break would work too.

Meanwhile, I just need to keep telling myself, this is real. This is it. Slow and painful as it may be, the end is near. I just have to get to that point.

And finally, I leave you with this for humor’s sake:

Important life lesson: When your hubby is rushing speed bumps asking, “Are you in labor yet?” the correct answer is NOT, “No but you are welcome to try.” He will. And while yes, if it works, kick-ass you’ll be grateful… One should never have to ask, “Was that a back contraction or a spine relocation?”

And back to bed I go.

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When I saw this, my response was that is was: “pretty much as F’ed up and yet epic as you’d expect it to be, if not more so.”

But that leaves it slightly open to interpretation.

Then my husband described it as the most f’ed up thing he’s ever seen. And, uh, THAT is saying something. Trust me.

As an added bonus: while all the above is true, not only is the video I’m about to share safe for work, but you should also show your kids! No, really… They’ll love it!

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