Archive for February, 2011

This ‘N’ That

Posted February 9, 2011 By kmarrs

Borderline Personality Disorder BlogI caught what’s been going around. No, not that one. I got my flu shot. The other one.

About half way through work Saturday, I noticed my throat was getting sore. I figured a cold was coming. Sure enough I woke up Sunday with a head full of snot. I remembered my OBGYN said Tylenol cold was the thing to take so when I got to work I looked for some. It was recalled a year ago. I’m hoping I just remembered incorrectly.

Anyway, I looked it up when I got home and bought sudafed, the nothing fancy version they make ecstasy out of, the next day.

Pat: Don’t go making ecstasy out of that.
Me: I won’t. Wait if this stuff makes me feel better, that will be ecstasy. Does that count?

It’s mostly working as long as I remember to take it every 4-6 hours. But when I woke up this morning and I hadn’t taken any in about 9 hours… let’s just say feeling like death warmed over would have been an improvement. Luckily it’s starting to kick in so I’m doing better than I was.

I haven’t posted about my shoulder recently. I’m out of physical therapy. I’m done with doctor appointments every two weeks. I’m riding it out. I’m also back on lane and while it hurts, I’m actually happy to be there. Besides, the day goes so much faster on lane.

The kids love the bunk beds, but there is a catch. See up until, well, last night, Luke was in a crib. And while he could have climbed out, he didn’t really bother trying. Last night I was up until 1am chasing him back into bed every 15 minutes. I was not a happy momma. It didn’t help that Pat didn’t have what it took to go up and down the stairs every 15 so he had him on the futon until I got home at around 11. So technically it was only a 2 hour battle but it started late. This is going to be a long discipline process. Knowing dad, Luke was woken at around 5-6am this morning so this might be a long crabby day. It hasn’t started out so great so…

I have a meds appointment and therapy today. I’m toying with rescheduling both based on feeling like crap. But I know if I reschedule meds, it’ll be 3-4 weeks before I can get back in. Though since I’m not currently on any meds, that might not be the end of the world. But I’m going to suck it up and go. I have ultrasound pics to show off anyways.

Yes, a long crabby day with the 3yo. *sigh*

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BPD and Not So Impulsive Shopping and Spending

Posted February 8, 2011 By kmarrs

BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Impulsive Compulsive Spending ShoppingThe bunk beds are here! We were told they would be here between noon and 2, and the trucked pulled up at like noon on the dot!

It isn’t taking them long to set them up at all. Apparently they are pretty easy and the guys have obviously done this a million and a half times.

The room up there is total chaos. We need to get the crib out, but there is currently no place to put it. It is going in the basement but that spot is currently storing kitchen chairs that Stacy needs to pick up since they are hers and we aren’t using them anymore.

Mom will be here in about 10 minutes to take us shopping for matress pads and she is buying Luke a set of sheets and a comforter for his birthday (good thing we couldn’t come up with any good ideas on his actual birthday so when this came up she was good to go). Thomas has transformers, we’ll see what Luke picks out.

I honestly don’t know who is more excited. Me or the kids.

They are beautiful. And perfect. And the best piece of furniture we own. Which is good since we spent almost a grand on them (including mattresses and delivery). They cost more than we budgeted for beds, so we had to go without a couple other things that we wanted (not needed) but we took one look at them and knew they were the ones. They are worth every penny we paid.

On a slightly different note I picked up a couple of nice wooden toy boxes yesterday at toys’r’us. We have been using plastic storage totes but they are just tacky and only slightly functional. When I put together a list of stuff I wanted/needed for the baby and to organize the two kids we already have, toy boxes was high on that list. The best part is, we can use them to store blankets when the toy aspect is outgrown. I actually need a good spot to store blankets so I might even end up buying a third. They cost about 70$ each, but they are beautiful and worth it. And honestly, that’s a good price. Now we just need to get them built. Or in the house for that matter. The are still in the van since we didn’t want to be tripping over them when the bunk bed delivery came.

Alright, mom will be here any minute now so I’m going to wrangle the 3 year old and get shoes and a coat on him. Oh, and sneak a peek at the beds. *swoon*

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Parenting Advice Needed

Posted February 8, 2011 By kmarrs

parenting with Borderline Personality Disorder BPDThe kids addition.

I know they have their own blogs, but I figure it has a better chance of actually being read here and I could use some advice, sorta, maybe.

Luke has a new fear. Monsters. The worst offender being the “black” monster that wakes him up each night at around 2-4am. Now the adult mind is able to figure out this is a playful tiny cat who sees no issue with pouncing the sleeping 3 year old. He just knows he’s under attack by something he can’t identify and it’s terrifying.

After a few nights of this he got to where he wouldn’t go to bed without completely freaking out. Not an “I’m three I’m going to throw a temper tantrum” freak out. This was more of an, “I’m truly terrified here” freak out. So we decided, for a few days anything, the easiest thing to do was let him sleep with daddy on the futon in the family room. This gave us a few days to discuss monsters and try to calm him down. After a few days passed, it was time to get him back in his own bed. Namely because he has very expensive bunk beds showing up (tomorrow in fact) and we aren’t letting them go to half waste. That, and have you ever tried sharing a bed with a 3yo? Not fun.

Trying to get him back in his own bed, was no easy feat. Kid was still terrified. But we seem to have developed a few tricks. First, despite the night time fighting this leads to, his bedtime got pushed back to coincide with big brother’s so he has reinforcements at bed time. Second, we actually move his bed a few feet so he can check for monsters under it. At this point he is convinced there are no monsters in there to start, so he is safe. So we just had to put the 2am attacks from the cat to an end. Yes, shutting the door is the most obvious choice here. So we do it. But it’s not ideal. That room is hard to regulate temp wise. Without the door open and air circulating, it’s too hot with the heater on and too cold with the heater off. So no cat, but I still worry.

Our next step is to get our hands on a copy of Monsters INC (We’ll probably buy it since we should own it already anyways.) so he can see Monsters aren’t so bad.

Next bunk bed battle is bed wetting.

My 7 year old can’t stay dry at night. We’ve talked to his doctor and therapist at length, he just isn’t ready. Anyone who really knows the kid knows the problem is he just sleeps too soundly and doesn’t wake to the urge. Sometimes the after affect wakes him, sometimes he sleeps through it all.

At his 6 year check up the doctor said to keep him out of pull-ups that it was a subconscious thing. He knew he was safe to sleep through it, so he did. At the time this was a possibility. At the time we had a waterproof mattress cover so the mattress was safe, I just resigned myself to washing his sheets a lot. Then the mattress pad got destroyed. But the mattress was old and crappy, it dried fast, I just didn’t care.

Then we ordered bunk beds and got two brand new mattresses. And I’m sick of constantly washing his sheets. And I’m sick of his room smelling like pee.

So as of last week, he’s officially wearing this big kid over night version of pull-ups to bed. And I gotta say, they are working. Not in a keeping them dry sort of way, but at least everything else is dry.

I just hate having to spend money on them. Because well, it’s 20$ a pack and that’s a lot of money when you have another in diapers and another on the way. Granted, by the time the thirds is born, the second will be potty trained (at least during the day) so that’s something at least.

I don’t know that I’m actually asking advice on any of this. Because it seems to be handled. At the same time, if you have any to offer, I’m all ears.

Speaking of the third on the way, ultrasound pics can be found here.

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Moody Beware

Posted February 8, 2011 By kmarrs

BPD AND Pregnancy Borderline Personality DisorderI’ve been meaning to write this post for a few days now, but it obviously, just hasn’t happened. Partly because part of what I have to say is hard to say.

My moods are bipolar.

I’m capable, currently, of being the most loving person you’ll ever meet. I’m sweet and cuddly and I make it known.

The rest of the time I’m a raging bitch. Ok, I’m not violent. I’m just loud and argumentative.

I know my moods will balance out as my hormones sort themselves out. I’m a better person when pregnant than I am not pregnant, off meds.

Honestly, while meds keep me stable, they keep me stable a notch or two above depressed. So I don’t really have the moments of pure elation or joy in me.

And that’s fine. It’s better than being all over the board. So I’ve learned to love the stable.

When off meds, I’m capable of dipping really low, but I’m also capable of the elation.

And right now, that’s what I’m experiencing. I’m not stable so I’m all over the board.

At the same time, even though I have my moments of semi-rage, I’m not depressed. I’m not suicidal. I’m getting by.

And my family, as sad as this is, is use to me being a raging bitch so they all have thick skins by now.

I’m getting a little better with each day. I’m working towards controlling the inner bitch. But it is a process. One I’m still learning.

At the same time, I’m not that raging bitch all the time. I’m only her 30% of the time.

Pat, actually, just informed me I’m bitch 30%, cuddly 20% and limbo the rest.

There you have it.

So I guess while I wouldn’t call things good, they could be a whole lot worse. And I’m not nearly as bad as I feared I could be. So, that’s something.

And in 30 weeks I get my meds back. Not that I’m counting. Though that in itself will be another lengthy process.

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