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We Will Probably Have To Agree To Disagree

Borderline Personality Disorder BPD BlogI was at work today when a 4-year-old, her dad, and her little brother entered the store. The 4-year-old girl was screaming. An angry defiant, temper tantrum scream. No matter where they went in the huge store you could hear this little girl scream. An hour later, roughly, when they left the store, she was still screaming.

Her father used words, to try to sooth her. It didn’t help. She was angry over something. She was throwing a temper tantrum. And no amount of words were helping.

Lord only knows how long she actually screamed. She entered and exited the store screaming. She spent the entire time in the store screaming.

I have two thoughts and they are both against the dad. Granted, the kid was a brat, but she was raised that way.

1. Don’t enter a public place while your kid is in the middle of a fit. Certainly don’t spend an hour in a public place while your child is in a fit. If something is so urgent you have to enter the store, grab it and get out. A weeks worth of groceries can wait. No one in the store wants to hear your child scream like that. Certainly not everyone in the store for that long.

2. I’d bet a good smack to the ass would have shut her up. Certainly an hour into it, a smack across the face would. Look, no amount of words were working. Neither was ignoring her. The kid needed to learn cause and effect. If you are going to make a scene like that in public, you are going to get smacked. Preferably the ass but the cheek if that doesn’t work. The cheek would have worked.

A long time ago people hit their kids. It’s what they did. They used switches, their hands, fly swatter, or whatever else is on hand. And kids grew up respecting their elders. They matured into adults that respected elders, peer and themselves. Today it is taboo to hit your kids, and today’s kids don’t respect anyone. Today’s young adults don’t respect anyone.

That little girl had no reason to listen to her dad tell her to stop screaming.

8 Comments

  1. Comment by Sairs:

    I agree. My broter is 22 and he thinks he's the bees knees. He expects everything, he is rude to anyone, he thinks every is a 'wanker' and he just treats older people like dirt. He also grew up where his teachers where not allowed to discipline him and so he just walked out of class, told the teachers to 'f' off and nothing worked. He has grown up to be one rude boy and he doesn't care at all. When I ring him just for a chat, it's 'f' this and 'f' that and he even uses liberally the 'c' word, which I hate. I so get what you mean.
    Sarah

  2. Comment by tracy:

    Yeah. "Swell" idea.

    i was hit, shoved into a dresser, yelled at all the time, constantly put down…where did that get me…?

    To the totally effed up place i am now.

    And, no…i did not pull "…angry, defiante temper tantrums…" Are you kidding, i was too afraid.

    Children should not be raised in fear…they should be led by example. And i am not, unfortunately, what you would exactly call a great example.

  3. Comment by Walkingborder (Karen):

    There is a difference between abusing your child and a swat to the ass. And if it's enforced with kind words and lots of love all the time it's a world of difference. If you never put down your child but smack his ass once in awhile, it's different then pushing your child and putting him down.

    It's a fine line but there is a difference.

    I knew I was going to have to fight for this one. I know I'm talking to an audience that was abused as kids. I get that. I'm not saying abuse is ever a good idea. But a smack to the ass or across a cheek when they drop the f bomb isn't abuse. It's discipline.

  4. Comment by tracy:

    And a smack across the FACE?? How do you come up with any justification for that one?

    So you are saying that all kids who were smacked or spanked grew up to be obedient, respectful adults and those who weren't are the "Crap" of society? Nope, not buying it.

    And, it's "Punishment" not "Discipline".

    This whole topic makes me feel sick.

    Do you "Discipline" Tiny Cat as well?

  5. Comment by Walkingborder (Karen):

    Ok calm down. Like I said, we are going to have to agree to disagree. I'm not fighting with you. I defended myself. From here on out I would be repeating myself.

  6. Comment by Mrs.Sassypants:

    I'm going to weigh in on this one. There is, most certainly a difference between a swat to the bottom, that is not delivered in anger, and abuse. However, as a kid that was slapped in the face, I can tell you that is NEVER a good idea. Smacking someone in the face is a sign of disrespect, no matter how young they are.
    The trick (IMHO) to disciplining children, is to really think about cause/effect, from their point of view. They're acting out, hoping to get something that they want. They have to learn that when I do this action (screaming, fitting, what have you), I not only NEVER get what I want, but something that I find rather unpleasant is going to happen. The trick is to know what makes them unhappy, what really bugs them, and would be a deterrent to the behavior that you are trying to stop.

  7. Comment by Walkingborder (Karen):

    If my kids are generally misbehaving, I put them in time out or take away something.

    If they are using their hands to get in trouble, I'll swat the top of their hands, with a stern no. I think we can all agree there is no real harm there. Reaching towards a hot stove, swat the hand, say no, explain it with hurt them, remove them from the situation. Agreed?

    If they are being particularly unruly I will swat a butt. Pants covering it, no real pain butt swat. We probably don't all agree here.

    Yes I have smacked my kid's cheek. He said something incredibly disrespectful, don't ask what it's been awhile and I can't remember yesterday. It wasn't hard. It was more to surprise than to hurt. It got the point across. The words weren't repeated. He learned from it. That is any discipline's intent. To teach proper behavior. I don't make it a habit to smack my kids in the face. I don't like it, I don't do it. But yes I have done it. And if I was the father of the child in the store last week, the only time I made reference to a smack on the mouth, I would have done it.

    99% of what I was talking about in my post was general spanking of the butt with the hand or other objects like a switch. Use to be very common practice, but thanks to Dr Spock, now not so much. I'm not saying it's right for every kid every situation. But I'm seeing a trend that as more and more people steer away from spanking, more and more kids are growing up disrespectful punks.

    Spanking a child hurts the ego more than it hurts the flesh. And no one wants to see their' kid's ego get bruised. But sometimes a little ego bruising is healthy in development.

    And I would like to stress I am talking about a swat on the butt. Not a push, toss, swing, or otherwise beating. A swat to the butt is different from abuse.

  8. Comment by Walkingborder (Karen):

    Tracy – I know you and I aren't going to see eye to eye here. You were abused as a kid. I get that. I do see where you are coming from and I respect your views. You are going to see even a swat to the butt as harsh because you received worse. I don't expect you to agree with me. I also see that there is a fine line between a swat to the butt and abuse. You have your stance, I have mine. I am open to discussing it. Just let's discuss not attack.

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