I worked fast lanes (self-scan) last night and had the following 2 encounters. Actually, there were more than just this but the rest were more annoying, these two made my night.

Women have this thing where the cuter a baby or young child is the more they want to nom, nibble or indeed swallow the child whole. Please note not all men understand this and most get kinda disturbed if they realize you want to eat their young.

Me to little girl with sparkly shoes: I like your shoes!
Little girl: Thank you they are called twinkle toes!
Me to her father: Did she just say twinkle toes?
Father: She did. That’s what she calls them.
Me: Sir, she is so cute I could eat her alive.
Father: I have to agree with you.

Made my night!

A little old man was using one of the self-scans. Please note, this is rarely a match made in heaven. I was standing close enough to him that I could be of service when and if he needed me, though he didn’t know I was there. So I catch him hit the help button once (which takes you to a new screen where 1 button allows us to log in, a second button allows them to turn their light red so we know they need help). Anyway he hits it once, but not so that it calls me over, and then he immediately leans over so that is mouth is right against the speakers on the monitor and shouts, I need help. I of course went and had to work very hard at controlling my laughter. But hey, he gets points for trying the self-scan.