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30 Days of the Truth: Day 2

I stole this from here. I’m not going to be able to strictly follow their schedule. I already missed the first few days and they are off schedule themselves, for that matter. But I like the idea so I’m going to give it a go.

The idea is that every Monday and Wednesday, though I already have a regular post Wednesdays so we’ll say Friday, you go through the topics and post the truth about yourself. So here we go.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Something I love about myself. I use to love my work ethic. I knew missing a day of work was losing a package of diapers or a tank of gas or both. This entry has me thinking back to when that changed. And I think it changed with my last job. At the camera store if I so much as coughed I was sent home sick. No way to argue it, I was going home. Pat though, would argue it chyanged when I found out I had BPD. It’s like I gave up. I say that’s because I found out I was terminal. Pat argues I need to look up the definition of terminal. I argue back I’m not the first nor will I be the last to declare BPD terminal. Lord knows that’s how it feels.

Either way, I no longer love my work ethic. It’s become weak and shattered. Granted my last 1.5 days of missing work, there was actual vomiting involved. I should have pushed through. I wasn’t in the bathroom every 5 minutes. I could have made it.

I actually told Pat last night I was working more hours than my mental health could handle. Now in fairness, half of that is because of the degree in which I despise my job. Which I only despise because I loved my last 2 jobs, so in comparison it is the epitome of evil. But still, how weak have I become?

Wow this is going down the slope of what do I hate about myself. I should have thought of this for day 1. Am I right?

So what do I love about myself? I guess I love my drive. Once I set out to accomplish something, be it for good or evil, I get it done. I just have to convince myself that I want something, and it’s mine. And that is that. I wish I could think of examples but I don’t have any. Pat could probably list a few dozen, but this isn’t his post.

Wow the hate was longer than the love. That is ten kinds of messed up. But, there is more love coming on day 30. So this will be all for now.

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