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This ‘N’ That

I’m finding myself chronically tired these days. I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised. It’s not the kind of tired a good nap will fix. It’s a to the bone tired. As a result I find myself not caring. Not caring in things I normally thrive on. Maybe I’m really actually depressed. Who knows. Either way, I’m not reading blogs much. I check them about twice a week. Whereas usually I’m checking them daily. I’m also not reading my twitter stream. Not even my “do not miss” list. (No, I don’t really have it titled that. That would be mean to the people not in it.) But the point is, I’m not reading things I normally refuse to miss. I’m just too tired anymore. I’m hoping leaving the camera store will fix that.

And it isn’t like I’m doing anything of importance instead. I usually just putter around the Internet bored out of my mind. Which means I technically have the time to read these things. I’m just too blah to have the energy.

I think it’s not so much the 45 hours a week, and more the 33-36 hours crammed into 3 days over the weekend. I spend the other 4 days in the week recovering from that.

So yeah, I guess I’m depressed.

I’m not suicidal or anything like that. This isn’t a clinical depression that comes from having BPD. For once I think this is a natural depression that comes from working two jobs, long hours, not enough time with my kids, etc.

I feel bad about leaving the camera store. I have regular customers that are going to miss me. My most regular customer, the one who makes a point on coming in the days I work, already knows I’m leaving. I told him before just about anyone else. He is a really nice older gentleman. Good hard working guy. He gave my boys fishing poles about a month or two ago. He’s that kind of guy. He has promised to come in on my last day and cry with me. I’m going to miss all my regulars, but I have a special kind of soft spot for him. We exchanged phone numbers so if he needs a camera buddy, he knows where to find me. That’s something at least.

So Pat is pretty messed up. He dropped a can of corn on his toe about a month ago and crushed it. As a result the toe nail on his left big toe is embedded. It’s been pretty nasty for a month now, while he’s had no insurance. He finally got his insurance reinstated yesterday and was at the hospital by midnight, the second he got it back. Turns out the antibiotic a snuck him (shhh) from my infected toe saved his life. (My toe is fine now.) He has tetanus and his toe isn’t just infected, it’s upgraded to poison. They gave him a tetanus shot, an antibiotic and vicodin. This week he goes to a specialist where they will either remove the nail and scrub it out, or they’ll remove the toe. No joke, it’s that bad that he might lose the entire toe.

My family’s 16 year old dog from my childhood was put the sleep on Wednesday. She was going down hill for awhile but she reached the point of no return Tuesday. Mom had been praying for awhile that she would know when the time had come so she could make a fast and final decision. And well the time came and it was taken care of fast. We don’t know how much Jackie suffered in the end but we are all hoping that it was minimal. We are hoping that the decision was made in time.

Don’t bother with the I’m sorry. I’m ok with it. Jackie lived a long, full, happy life. Death is as natural as birth. It wasn’t sudden and unexpected. What’s done is done.

Gah, this is all depressing. I need some good news on here. Let me think.

I guess I’ve already shared most of the good news of the week. There was TK’s therapy, April, and well that’s mostly it.

Well there is this… We’ve been wanting to buy Thomas a good solid pair of name brand shoes for school. He wears a uniform so the only thing we could really splurge on was shoes. Pat grew up wearing cheap shoes and was teased for them. We don’t want that for Thomas. Anyway, we had a 10$ gift card for Kohl’s and decided we’d look there. We found a 50$ pair of sketchers marked down to 30$ which cost us 20$ after the gift card. Score! Baby boy is ready for school! We bought him all his school supplies on Thursday. My discount at the grocery store helped with that.

Now I need to get myself a good solid pair of sneakers for work. It can wait until I have the funds but the few pairs I have are cheap and not very supportive. The shoes I’ve been wearing are coming apart at the soles. It’s time to toss them and move on to the next pair. I also could use 3 more pairs of work pants. Saved me from washing my work clothes 3 times a week. It gets old rather fast. Oh well, we’ll come up with the money eventually.

Hmm, back to a depressing note. Oh well, I guess that’s just how I’m going to have to end things. I can’t think of any more positive notes to end things on.

2 Comments

  1. Comment by bitethebedbugs:

    I'm still sorry about your doggie. And I'm sorry about Pat's toe, my god, lost toe? That's awful. I save meds for this reason exactly. Insurance and lack of it and the fact so many people are forced to deal with the lack part? Bullshit. I hope there's a positive note for you in the next couple days. Unexpected cookies, a lottery win, what have you. Hugs.

  2. Comment by Walkingborder (Karen):

    Hey there hun! Welcome to my blog. It's a messed (read: fucked) up little corner of the internet but I love it none-the-less.

    Yeah the whole toe thing is insane. Pat's doctor's appointment is Wednesday. We'll know the fate of the toe that day I'd imagine. I hope. I think we both just want this nightmare to be done.

    Thanks for the well wishes. Cookies would be nice. I'm currently settling for pina coladas. I'm not sure settling would be the proper word there. Hmmm, note to self, come up with better word.

    Wow comment turned blog post.

    Later!

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