Shop & Create on Zazzle
 

Living Life with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Two in one day? Damn!

So how am I doing?

Pretty good actually, thanks for asking.

I’m spending a lot of time with the kids. I’m enjoying one on one time with Thomas while Luke naps in the afternoon. That was one of my regrets while Thomas was in school. By the time he was home and Luke was in bed, I was too broken down for much one on one. So taking care of it while Luke naps seems to be working. We’re playing games and reading books. He doesn’t get my full attention during the entire nap. I do need some time to myself mid day to catch my breath between rounds of Lucas. Like now, for instance, I’m writing this post. But before I wrote this we played guess who, read books, and played with alphabet blocks, making words. So plenty of one on one mommy/son attention time. Once Luke wakes up, Thomas will play in his room and Luke and I will terrorize the living room. Some days we three go outside to play. Today is too rainy. Oh! And earlier before lunch the 4 of us watched cartoons together downstairs in the basement. We had quite the cuddle puddle going on the bed. So as a mom I seem to be doing much better.

Earlier today Stacy was referring to something I did or didn’t do and called me sad (pathetic). My smart ass response was that, no, I’m actually pretty happy. And for the most part that’s true. I still have stressors (money, job, money and money) kicking me in the ass, but I’m keeping my chin up despite it. Each week I do a little better. I think it’s the meds. Maybe it’s also me. I don’t know. But I keep getting better and better. I think once money and money (oh and money) is less of an issue, I’ll be downright grand.

I’m taking the time to do things for myself to further my business. My business being independent photography. I’ve set up a portfolio. I’ve set up a facebook page. I’m seeking out clients. This means I’m showing confidence in myself, which is something I don’t normally have.

Am I cured? No. Am I getting by? More than that. I think I’m actually thriving.

3 Comments

  1. Comment by Kristin:

    Dad added to the mix is too much for you to handle. Really, dad needs social services to step on and help. In the long run, it will benefit both HIM and your family. His worries about the bank stepping in might be real, but he will not be able to hold them at bay for long and your entire family suffers. In the meantime, playing the the stock market while it is so volatile is "crazy". Ask him if he should put whatever he has left into Trust Preferred Stocks which pay on average an 8% dividend. (Safe solid income.) something like Well Fargo Companies has one (WFC+L). Just an idea.
    I hope you get the job. You deserve it.
    xx kris

  2. Comment by Walkingborder:

    Despite my rant, he knows how to handle money. He isn['t buying new stock, he is waiting for payouts on old stock. And actually now is the time to buy while everything is so low. It can only go up, if you are investing in the right companies. And he knows what the right companies are.

  3. Comment by Kristin:

    Oh, I thought you sounded a little worried that he was going to lose his investments. never mind…
    I think it is good to rant. Feels good anyway. Rant away.
    xx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *