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Not Really Anyone’s Business

Here’s the deal. Pat and I are talking about trying to conceive in the next year. After I’ve acquired and settled down into a new or second job. Once money is in a better state. We want another baby. Pat and I don’t always see eye to eye but we’ve agreed from day one that we want three kids. End of discussion.

Am I always the best mom? No. But I don’t think very many mom’s out there are the best mom in the world. I’m the best mom I can be and I think I’m good enough. I may rant and rave at times that I wish I was better. Yes. But that’s just because I see how I could improve. I at least recognize my flaws.

I’m good with babies. I adore babies. I live for babies. They don’t stay babies. I get that. I mean, seriously. Duh. They don’t stay babies. And there are a few years in there immediately following the baby years where I’m a mess. I don’t really know what to do with a two year old, but I am learning. As my babies grow more independent I get better with them. Thomas drives me up the wall, but I know what to do with him. He drives me about as far up the wall as any 6 year old, almost 7, drives any sane parent up the wall.

Most parents dread the teenage years. I look forward to them. I think I’ll rock as a mom during the teenage years. Some moms rock during the ages of 2-5 and then fall apart during the ages 15-19. I fall apart 2-5 but will rock 15-19. So yeah, maybe I’m ass backwards but I’m handling parent hood.

Look, I don’t have to justify. I don’t owe an explanation. I’m fumbling to give one, but I don’t owe one.

Here is the bottom line. When Luke was about a week old, I looked down into his sweet little face and knew I wasn’t done. My family is not complete. We are good but not done. One more. Pat and I both desperately want one more. I have more love to give.

Money. Yes the money. Like I said I’ll have the money situation in a better place first. Clearly fifteen hours isn’t enough. I get that. I’m actively looking for a second or new job. I’ve been putting in applications. I have a solid lead on a job I want that would be hours I can handle. I’m just waiting on a call. I just filled out the application right before this holiday weekend so I’m not surprised I haven’t heard anything.

Anyway, I’m kinda hurt that I told my mom the plan and she freaked out. But then she freaked out over the first two as well, so I guess I’m kinda use to it by now. She always loves them by the time they are born, so I’ll assume the same with the third. At least this time I filled her in on the plan. The first two were total surprises to her.

But then, you know what? It’s not really anyone’s business.

However, I guess I would like to know that one person in this world supports me.

4 Comments

  1. Comment by firstsoprano:

    I wasn't going to say anything…..you asked. You were in fact testing me. I'm not gonna lie if you ask me. It's my opinion, I'm entitled to it and I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm terrified most of the time about you raising the 2 kids you already have. Expenses only get worse. You have your hands full. Your mental health issues, Pat's health issues. It's your life. Is it fair to bring another child into the world when you struggle with the two you already have ?? These are just things to think about. It's your decision. Will I love them ? Of course I will. Will I love you? Of course I will. Let's see now….wasn't it not too long ago you two were trying to decide if you were even going to stay married !! All these things are going thru my head. But like you said….it's no one's business but your own so why did you ask if you weren't prepared to hear my answer ?

  2. Comment by firstsoprano:

    And if that's your idea of me freaking out, them you don't really know me very well. It was no way near a freak !

  3. Comment by lena:

    I can't imagine handling 3 kids myself. But I believe when someone is ready and know they can handle it, then it is sure noone's business how many kids one has. But I believe after initial shock, unexpected news people who love you will be supportive :)

  4. Comment by tracy:

    As Lena said, i can't imagine handling 3 kids myself, although i do still have those "baby cravings" at my ripe old age at which i am beyond conceiving. Besides, i am too crazy…waaaaay too crazy. Did i mention my little stunt with the Cymbalta last week…? Anyhow, i wish you two the best and don't forget physical health as well ("Said the pot to the kettle").

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