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Living Life with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

It’s Wednesday and I didn’t forget. Yay team me.

I had therapy today. It was a fairly decent session.

We spent the first part talking about my rages. They are really just mini rages, it’s been decided. I snap at people and I yell some but I don’t completely explode. At least I don’t think I do. We discussed my triggers: stress, hunger, and lack of sleep. We discussed how they make me feel, both during and after. We discussed what I could say instead of blowing up (In example: “Pat, I feel irritated when you ignore my hunger. I need you to please acknowledge I’m cranky because I’m hungry and help me do something about it.) We also discussed how my rages make others feel and how they react.

The discussion on my rages lead into a discussion on my stress. We discussed how school will be good stress because I see it as such and I want to be doing it. Don’t get me wrong, the family/work/school combo will about kill me. But it’ll be a good mostly dead. We discussed how my main stresser is money. Right now I’m not making enough to pay all our bills. Granted, hours are finally on the verge of picking up at work, but that doesn’t help us now. To make matters worse, for the next 3 SSI payments Pat gets, there will be a cut in the total because he was over paid for January. We knew this was coming but there was no way to prepare for it. There was no extra money anywhere to tuck away to help us out. Pat’s SSI is usually just enough to cover our rent. For the next 3 months part of our rent is coming out of my already meager paychecks. So in other words, we’re pretty screwed. And I’m stressed out to hell and back.

This lead to a discussion regarding my father. See my father use to help out around the house. Yes he cleaned the kitchen and what now, but he also took care of the little things like dish soap and toilet paper. Now, nothing. He pretty much just sits in his room 24/7 taking up space. He doesn’t contribute to the household or the family in any way. I realize he doesn’t currently have an income, but he’s not doing anything to change that. The man is clearly disabled, he needs to be filing for SSI. If he refuses to file for SSI, then he needs to get a job. I can’t talk to him about this because that would involve telling him how financially screwed we are. And that would freak him the fuck out. He’d go into panic mode and that isn’t helpful to anyone. I’m at a loss. A total and complete loss. We need help financially and he refuses to do anything about it.

Finally, somewhere in the mix we discussed school. The stress aspect of it but also the plan. We discussed how many classes I would take and what semesters I would go. She thinks I have a good plan in place.

And that was my session. I don’t know how much was accomplished. I mostly just take advantage of the opportunity to talk to someone who actually listens. None the less, it was a good session.

One Comment

  1. Comment by Kara:

    I can definitely relate to your post. I know so many people who struggle everyday from a mental illness. This is a serious issue that affects adolescents just like it does adults. I’ve found Silver Hill Hospital’s adolescent psychiatric treatment program to be a really good source of information about treatment options.

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