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Shopping Blues the Conclusion

Anxiety and BPD and manipulationThe boys and I spent the evening with my mom. While with her I had the chance to further discuss yesterday’s Target purchase.

I also discussed it with Pat and a friend April.

I’ve come to better terms with it. I’m more comfortable that she wouldn’t have done what she did if she couldn’t afford it.

Here is why I’m making a big deal out of it. And also how it ties in with BPD.

I’m the master manipulator. Your average person with BPD can be. Some choose to go with it, some choose to avoid manipulation. I use to be unaware I was doing it. Now I see the light and I avoid it, most the time.

I guess, scratch that I know, I was terrified that I somehow manipulated my mother into helping us out. And when I saw the total, with the knowledge she was handing us more in cash early next week, I freaked.

April however calmed me down and helped me see that I wasn’t manipulating, I was accepting deeply needed help. And it is deeply needed. Everything bought was a must and I couldn’t have done any of it in time for school to start. I mean she bought clothes, a book bag, a few items off his supply list, and a new pair of shoes. Then she also helped us out with diapers. The only thing that wasn’t a must was the pair of shoes and those were her idea. And we bought the next size up that he’ll be ready for soon. So it’s not like they were extra shoes, they are meant to replace what he has now.

Listen to me try to justify. I’m still doing it.

We needed help. My mom helped. I didn’t take advantage, I accepted. Huge difference.

So maybe I am still working on the whole not feeling guilty thing.

One Comment

  1. Comment by firstsoprano:

    My darling daughter,
    Yes, you've always been a pretty good manipulator and I am easily manipulated, however, this wasn't one of those times. I worked very hard at my second job this past month so that I'd be in a position to help you out and also get some extra stuff I needed. Yes, it was a bit more than I had hoped for, but what the hell. And the big thing I've noticed lately that's new, is that you're quick to say "thankyou'. You used to just take it for granted and that would make me feel more used. So, there are times I can't help and times I'm happy to. And as long as you understand the "no's" we'll be just fine.
    Love from MOM and thanks to Pat and April

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