Archive for August, 2009

I Could See Jesse Doing This Some Day

Posted August 26, 2009 By kmarrs

This enterprising Linux user wrote a script that rhythmically opens and closes the CD tray on a tower PC; the CD tray is connected to the baby’s rocking seat. As the tray cycles, the baby rocks. Lovely.

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Back 2 School

Posted August 26, 2009 By kmarrs

Some of you read the agony of me trying to decide where Thomas was going to school.

Some of you read the agony of Thomas not being adjusted to preschool.

You are all probably aware by now that Thomas goes back to school here soon. Friday in fact. Only this year he’s no longer in preschool. This year he starts the big K. Kindergarten.

Dun dun dun

Starting Friday he will be in a whole new world. A full day program with real work and homework.

And dudes, this isn’t like when we were in kindergarten. No, this is more like first grade. I remember learning my letters in kindergarten, back in the day. Now he’s expected to know them and will be putting them to use to learn real words. He is expected to know 75 words by the end of the year. Which is 74 more than he knows now.

This kinda freaks me out.

My child is a strong willed, free spirit. Which is great when he’s determined to learn something. He picks it up right away. However, when he has no interest it’s like teaching a wall.

It took him 3 years of preschool to learn still only 90% of his letters.

Yet the boy can spell bath. Why? I make him spell it if he wants one. He loves baths. I was desperate to get him introduced to what letters are for, it made sense at the time. If you think about it, it was a great idea. Yet it doesn’t seem to work with any other words. He loves trucks, can’t spell it. He loves to play, can’t spell it.

He’s nervous too. He misses his old friends, his old school.

I keep telling him he’s going to have so much fun and make so many new friends.

He’s still nervous.

Can you believe he only gets 15 minutes of recess at a time? That’s insane to me. And I couldn’t find a music room. They do have a killer computer lab, a gym and a nice library.

Trepidation. That word keeps coming to me. Let’s look it up, shall we?



1. tremulous fear, alarm, or agitation; perturbation.
2. trembling or quivering movement; tremor.

I guess that applies. I don’t know. I’m just so scared he’s going to butt heads with the teacher. I’m scared it’ll be a fight to get him to do his homework each week. I’m scared he won’t love it as much as I want him to.

I’m scared my baby is growing up.

I’m not handling this well at all. At the same time you’d think I was doing fine. I’m calmly going through all the motions. Getting his supplies ready. Washing his uniform (navy blue bottom, white top, tucked in with a belt) and getting his supplies all ready to go.

I’m trying to be excited. I’m taking advantage of each step and photographing it.

I think I’m mostly afraid that his fear or my fear will hold him back. That just came to me but it rings with truth.

The kid is growing up. It had to happen.

I’ll let you know by the end of the weekend how his first day went.

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Money Woes Calmed Down

Posted August 26, 2009 By kmarrs

First off Pat won’t let me apply for a job at Target. Something about not rocking the boat. It helps that I have a steady job in management and in the unemployment/economy crisis, giving that up would be stupid.

Not even for a useful discount.

Which is good because I have my eye on an expensive lens and flash that my discount will help nicely with. Granted, it’s a long ways off. But someday.

As for help in the next couple months, I’m not asking for it but my mom says she will give it anyways. She’s talking about taking Thomas thrifting for play clothes.

She also just paid 2 months worth of our cable bill instead of just 1, so that’s a huge help.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m damn lucky. I have a mother who loves me and helps me out and a husband who supports me working a job I love.

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Money Woes

Posted August 25, 2009 By kmarrs

Why is it the more money I make, the less money we have?

I miss the days of living with my mom where we had money for things we need.

My 2 weeks off to be in the hospital and immediately after really fucked us over.

We just finish getting help from my mom to survive this month. Who is going to help us next month?

Will my dad ever be financially secure enough to take over a bill or two?

Am I going to have the money to buy Thomas his winter clothes and a coat in time?

What about new work pants and work shoes for me?

I can’t work much harder without Pat losing some of his ssi.

So an answer isn’t to be found in a second job.

Do I need to look at taking a job at some place like Target in place of my job at _______ in order to have a discount that’s useful.

Being able to buy the 250$ flash I want for 96$ will be nice.

But we don’t have the money for clothes much less camera crap.

I just want to curl up and cry.

Or curl up and Die.

No suicide though.

Now that I have a life insurance policy, my death might as well be profitable.

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Saint Patrick Ver 2.0

Posted August 24, 2009 By kmarrs

Before you look at the title and think im patting myself on the back please read on… its not what you think.

48 hours ago I had an ex try to reconnect with me. I don’t know if she was after friendship, a booty call, just curious what has changed in 9 years, or what.

she asked me a ton of questions and after the “seeing anyone?” question the follow up was… well, the inspiration for this post. kinda.

“are you happy?”

I love her…

“are you happy?”

we have two beautiful children…

“aww… Are you happy?”

some times.



the answer to your question is buried in that blog, that’s my wife.

-12 hours pass-

I woke up to an e-mail, it explained that she read the blog back to front and then asked me a few more questions, an hour or two later she logged into yahoo IM and simple said…

“You are a Saint. My respect for you has grown by leaps and bounds.”

now let me explain that the girl in question was being sincere, she doesn’t have a sarcastic bone in her body…

now that I explained the source of this post lets get to my reason for posting.

If you are a person who deals with a mentally ill person/people on a regular basis and you do your best to accommodate them and at the same time treat them like a regular person you are in my eyes a saint and deserve my thanks, and Karen’s for that matter.

Examples that hit close to home would be Deb, my best Friend Rob, Karens best friend Stacy, Brenda, Karen’s bosses and Fellow employs, my best friend Jesse, Skates, etc…

Its hard to do for someone like ME and I deal with mental illness daily and have since I was a wee lil fellow, and have an inside understanding of what its like to be diffrent. but for a normal Functioning person… thats saintly.

now you may notice that I throw around the phrase “best friend” alot above…

I can count all my true friends who I trust to a fault on one hand, and 2 out of the four of them I consider my best friends… because they take the above to a degree that is beyond saintly in my eyes.

Jesse and Rob both have gone out of their way to help my family. Rob makes it a habit of taking me out to eat atleast once a month. not because I need fed(LOL), but because its one of the only times I get out of the house in a given month.

it would take an entire other post to give Jesse Praise…

anyway, ive gotten of track if I was ever even on track. the point im getting at is. to all they people who have stuck with us even with our problems. I thank you with all my Heart. you are a saint.

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What My Meds Do – Trileptal

Posted August 23, 2009 By kmarrs

Trileptal is a derivative of carbamazepine.

Voltage-gated sodium channels ( aka integral membrane proteins, or protein molecules, that form ion channels, conducting sodium ions through a cell’s plasma membrane, or the biological membrane separating the interior of a cell from the outside environment.) are the molecular pores that allow brain cells to generate action potential, or nerve impulses, the electrical events that allow neurons to communicate over long distances. After the sodium channels open to start the action potential, they inactivate, essentially closing the channel. Carbamazepine stabilizes the inactivated state of sodium channels, meaning that fewer of these channels are available to subsequently open, making brain cells less excitable.

Carbamazepine has also been shown to increase the effectiveness of GABA receptors made up of alpha1, beta2, gamma2 subunits.

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