I worked Brenda’s lab today, filling in for Kate who is on vacation. And I gotta tell you, it kicked my ass. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I was use to being busy. But I’m not. I’m also use to having a sales floor that helps me when needed. I can be like “Hey, can you sort for like 15 minutes while I crank this shit out” and when they are available, the sales floor at my store is happy to help. Brenda’s lab is shut off and away from the store. So there is little to no help. The store manager Jeff did price some stuff out for me at one point when he wandered back and I handed him a stack going here, do this. I noticed he didn’t wander back much after that.

Today really showed me how out of practice I am. Today flew by and I was anything but bored. I notice the same thing when we are busy at my lab. My sense of self is better established when I have stuff to do at work.

On the flip side I’m currently not handling stress well and today pushed me past my limit. I even called Brenda to switch days with her so I could have tomorrow off and work Thursday instead. I know my limits and I can’t handle two days in Westerville alone. When I get too overwhelmed with stress I’m pushed into a fight or flight state of mind and there were a couple times when I wanted to say “I can’t do this” and quit. But I didn’t. I knew there was no reason I couldn’t do it. And I knew I’d disappoint Brenda, and that right there would break me.

I think one thing that helped is that I pushed back a deadline that was getting me freaked out. I had two large film orders due at 4 and even though I tried to start them in advance stuff just kept getting in the way. So I called one of the customers and explained I couldn’t make the deadline, I simply needed more time. I explained it to the answering machine and I don’t know that the customer even got the message before 4, but I felt some relief that I needed to mind my time but that I had some breathing room. And in the end, everything got done, mostly on time even.

Looking back I wonder how I use to handle Westerville. I think there are two factors. Before moving to my own lab, I didn’t know anything other than busy. There were few lazy days and I never had a chance to get use to being slow. My lab has made me mush. The other thing, and this is huge, the budget always allowed for two people, if not three, people in the lab at a time so on the busy days, you were never alone. We just can’t do that anymore. And a lab like Brenda’s, the busiest in the company, really will kick you ass when you are there alone on a busy day.

In the end I walked away with my head held, well low because I was damn tired. But figuratively speaking my head was held high because I knew I’d done the best job that I could do. And in the end, that’s what matters.