Archive for January, 2009

Zombie Mode

Posted January 17, 2009 By kmarrs

I’ve taken my 3rd dose. It knocks me out, makes me sick to my stomach and I feel disoriented. Other than that, so far so good.

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Meds Update 1/14/09

Posted January 14, 2009 By kmarrs

Celexa medication and Borderline Personality DisorderJust keeping track of what meds, how much and when for future reference. Move along, nothing to see here.

10mg Celexa 1/day (anti-depressant)

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Actually….

Posted January 13, 2009 By kmarrs

No. I’m not OK. I kinda just want to curl up into a ball and die. Not that you really care, but thanks for asking.

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This Just In…

Posted January 12, 2009 By kmarrs

Borderline Personality Disorder Blog BPDI kinda wish it would snow so much that the entire city would shut down for the day. Then I could bundle my oldest up, throw him outside and lock the door till he has calmed the fuck down and gotten his cabin fever out of his system.

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Perception is in the eye of the beholder

Posted January 11, 2009 By kmarrs

The hardest part about when she comes into my work is knowing I’ve confirmed what she always thought. As my teacher she use to look at me like, “Yeah, you’ll amount to nothing.” Now almost 7 years post graduation she walks into where I work and there I am with my name on my standard name tag and my uniform work shirt and “Yep, sure enough I was right.” Never mind that I work full-time to support my family while I struggle to go to school part-time one quarter at a time where I can fit it in. No matter how I spin it I’ve fallen into the trap of retail. And sure enough, retail amounts to nothing.

Do you think she’d understand if I tried to explain I actually love my job and what I do?

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Pain Is…

Posted January 11, 2009 By kmarrs

Borderline Personality Disorder BlogSo I have a new leather executive chair bought for me by my mother for Christmas. And it’s NICE. Except for one problem… When not properly attired I tend to stick to it. And standing up is rather tedious and painful.

I also have a habit of sitting with one leg tucked under me. And said leg does often fall asleep.

So picture this:

My leg I’m sitting on has, as usual, fallen asleep. I go to nudge it out from under me when I realize to my horror that the flesh of said leg is stuck to the chair. So it hurts because it’s asleep and the nerve endings are going “Fuck You!” and it hurts because it’s become “one” with the leather and the nerve endings are going, “No really, FUCK you!”

And it was 2 kinds of owe.

And of course, I couldn’t just shift my weight, because said leg was not the only thing stuck to the chair.

I’ve never felt so pathetic.

OK, so maybe I have. But it’s been at least an hour.

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