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Old endings, New beginnings

Borderline Personality Disorder BlogIt’s getting annoying close to midnight on new year’s eve. I’ve never been good with this holiday. Mostly because of my deep rooted hatred of moments. Any type of moments. I guess I just can’t handle having huge amounts of attention drawn onto events. I don’t know why. Is it because I don’t like change? Is it because I’ve lost any sense of control? I’m I just overly aware that I should be feeling more emotion, and am indeed picking up on other’s emotions, but can’t seem to trace any excitement or anything back to myself?

New Year’s in itself kinda confuses me. I mean, it’s mostly a man made holiday. I know a year is the time it takes the earth to rotate around the sun. But if that were really thin infallible truth, we wouldn’t have leap year, now would we. Even if that weren’t the case, who decided what day was actually the start and beginning? I mean did the universe actually communicate to someone “THIS is the START of the rotation of earth to Sun and THIS is the END! Now drop them balls, get drunk and party hard!”

Nope, totally man made. If you ask me it’s just an excuse to get drunk. Like people really need another excuse.

Honestly, I’ll readily admit that all this humbug is just my BPD acting out. Probably why all of today’s posts have been in regards to my issues. And I’m slowly learning to control it. Mostly for those around me. As long as my hubby doesn’t make the huge deal at midnight, and just leaves me in peace, we can avoid the usual mood flip and hurt feelings. Besides, I’ll find my own way to wish him a happy New Year. I know how important it is to him.

I’ll even do it after removing my passed out oldest son from the floor where he sleeps passed out at my feet. He so wanted to stay up till midnight. But around 9:30 he kept asking if it was midnight already, clearly fighting to stay awake. He finally gave up that battle at around 10:30.

So while I’ll deny it later, I’ll say it now: Happy New Years. Just don’t expect me to get drunk, watch balls drop, and party hard.

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