Archive for 2008

0

Thomas to me: You’re crazy sometimes but I still love you.

Pat: Bubby, you and I just bonded on a whole new level. No one before has ever understood me as well as you did just now.

0

I don’t enjoy stepping on cheerios on my goddamn bedroom floor.

I know it’s where you and the youngest spend half the day, and where he eats his meals, but come ON! Please start picking them the fuck up. Or at least buy as the damn dog we all want.

0

Stepping on hot wheels does not make a momma happy. Pick up your damn room, boy!

0

Stop trying to feed me noodles. I don’t like noodles. I’ve never liked noodles. I’m never going to like noodles. I don’t care that momma and brother like noodles. Noodles are poison. And poison might kill me. I know it’s poison. You know it’s poison. Just because momma and brother eat noodles, doesn’t mean it isn’t poison. I don’t like noodles. I like goldfish crackers. Not noodles. Next time you take me to the noodle place, bring goldfish. Goldfish aren’t poison. Noodles are poison. I don’t like poison.

0

There is no better unexpected and random middle of the night snack than: warm baby cheeks