BPD Blog Borderline Personality Disorder

Closed For Business

Posted February 3, 2016 By kmarrs

So I’ve decided I’m going to try to apply for ssi to help with income.  I know I’m maybe about to get a job, but even at 12$ an hour I’ll still be working so few hours and it comes out to less than $1000 a month.  That’s the cut off, by-the-way of what you’re allowed to earn and still be eligible for disability.  Plus, it’s technically part of my financial aid, so I think it works a bit different.  Don’t quote me on that part though.

So here’s the scene.  The real reason I’m writing about this.

It’s 1:33 at night and the house is quit.  I have the presence of mind needed to sit down and fill out the extensive application.  So I bring up the site, and find this.

Closed

Apparently this particular government website has opening and closing hours.  A website.  That is basically nothing but a form that gets filled out.  Has opening and closing hours.  Now, I’d understand like a customer service help line, sure.  But the entire website has opening and closing hours?

I’ve seen a lot of thing in my 20 years of using the internet, but I have to say, this is a first.

And if this doesn’t sum up our government, I don’t know what does.

 

(Disclaimer: I’m not dumb.  I realize this is probably to cut off possible cyber attacks while there is only a skeleton crew of programs and server guys manning the office in the dead of night.  I get that.  But the logic behind the reality is a lot less funny than the reality itself.)

Be the first to comment

The Next Step

Posted February 1, 2016 By kmarrs

So I think I blogged a few months back about my (now former) algebra professor whom desperately needed a teacher’s aide.  How her response was no one wanted to work in the maths department, followed by my response that I would.

Well, she requested an aid and I’ve applied.  I interviewed with the head of recruiting, and now I just have to interview with Dr L and the head of the other half of the maths department.  So…  I should be starting the job in a couple of weeks.

It’s the single best paying job I’ve ever had, though it’s only 20-25 hours a week.  Which is fine.  I’m not equipped to work full-time right now. Certainly not while I’m in school, but not at all, really.  As it is my meds doctor is concerned this job will be too much stress while pair with school as it is.  I disagree but I suppose we’ll see.

All I know is I’m excited.

Be the first to comment

How to Bust Out of the Winter Blues

Posted January 29, 2016 By kmarrs

Today I have for a you a guest post from Jennifer Scott.  She did a fabulous job of writing about the winter blues and I’m excited to share it!

Jennifer Scott has been experiencing anxiety and depression since she was a teen. She shares her journey toward improved mental health on her website, SpiritFinder.org. When she isn’t blogging, Jennifer loves to travel, volunteers at her local animal shelter, and rock climbs.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) affects about nine million people. Even people without symptoms severe enough to warrant a clinical diagnosis may find that they have less energy or tend to feel more depressed during the winter months.
Causes range from lower levels of Vitamin D (which your body produces when exposed to sunlight) to changes in our behavior or dietary habits during the cold winter months. No matter the cause, there are many ways to help combat the winter blues and maintain your sunny attitude – even when it’s not sunny outside:

Stick to a Healthy Diet
During winter, we have a tendency to crave comfort foods. Never does a heaping helping of mac ‘n’ cheese sound better than when there’s snow on the ground and we’re stuck inside. But making healthy food choices can help to boost your mood, as foods like candy and carbohydrates can increase feelings of anxiety and depression (despite the initial euphoria they sometimes create). Loading up on fruits and veggies may not seem as appealing, but these healthy substitutes will pay off by making you feel a lot better.

snow-845460_640

**PHOTO CREDIT: Image via Pixabay user cuneax**

Maintain Healthy Levels of Physical Activity
It’s easy to get up early with the sun and exercise regularly when it’s warm outside and the sun is shining brightly. But when it’s bitter cold outside, the last thing you probably want to do is venture out for a run. Still, maintaining healthy exercise routines is important for beating the winter blues. If you can get outside, the sun will benefit your mood even when it’s not accompanied by 80-degree weather. Otherwise, take things indoors. Hit up your local gym or take advantage of the benefits of aquatic therapy (which, as this guide notes, is especially great for recovering addicts with SAD). Diving in well help boost your mood and is a great source of relief for chronic pain that may be worsened by cold, wet weather.

Spend Time with a Furry Friend
According to research from the University of Missouri–Columbia, petting a dog for just 15 minutes releases serotonin, prolactin, and oxytocin, all positive hormones that help you feel good, while reducing the stress hormone cortisol. And if you’re a cat person, not to worry. Petting a cat will offer similar benefits.

Take Vitamin Supplements
It’s often a good idea to take a multi-vitamin all year long, but it’s especially important to supplement your diet with vitamins such as Vitamin D, which your body will have less of due to the decreased daylight hours during the winter. Of course, it’s important to consult with your physician before taking any supplements so that you can ensure you’re not at risk of any medication interactions or other risks to your health.

Try Light Therapy
About 70 percent of patients with SAD experience results from light therapy, or sitting in front of a light box (which produces much more light than ordinary sources of indoor artificial lighting) for 30 minutes or more each morning. After a few weeks of treatment, many patients experience relief from SAD symptoms. For patients with SAD who don’t have success with light therapy, anti-depressants may provide symptomatic relief.

Treat Yourself to a Getaway
Sometimes beating the winter blues is as simple as a break in routine. What could be better than a quick weekend getaway to a warm, tropical climate during the coldest, dreariest months of winter? Not only will a trip to a warmer location give you a chance to soak up some mood-boosting sunshine, but getting away from the same-old routine at home is often a welcome reprieve during the winter months. And if you can’t get away bring those warm vibes to you. Host a tropical-themed party so that you and your friends can leave the gray days of winter behind, even if it’s only for one evening.

Many people experience a shift in mood during the winter months. While not everyone has symptoms severe enough to be clinically classified as Seasonal Affective Disorder, these tips and tricks can help anyone relieve the winter blues.

Be the first to comment

Pristiq

Posted January 20, 2016 By kmarrs

I haven’t been writing because I’ve been depressed. Not suicidal, not even close, but deeply depressed. I have no energy. Not desire to do anything that might require energy. I’m having to psyche myself up just to hold a book and read. For the first time in my life I’m tempted by books on tape (I hate being read to) because they require less work. Holding a book and turning pages requires too much work. So yes. I’m depressed. Why? Because I’m depressed. How long have I been depressed? I’m not sure I ever stopped being depressed over the past while. I went to the hospital last year, as some readers might remember, because my meds weren’t working anymore and I was suicidal. They changed my anti-depressant and I’ve been on that for, I dunno, like 6 months or so. I could look it up but that requires work, and it doesn’t really matter. Either way I was on the new med long enough that if it was going to work, it would have. I didn’t. Plus Zoloft doesn’t up norepinephrine like the cymbalta did, so I lost what energy boost I had. These days I’m either asleep or tired/lethargic enough that I could be asleep easy, just give me a chance to get comfortable. I’m sleeping 12-20 hours a day. Only then am I almost functional. So clearly not only was a new anti-depressant needed, but I needed my norepinephrine boost back. So today was the day I saw my psychiatrist and we agreed it was time to try a new medication. Now I’m on Pristiq which is a name I struggle to take seriously. However, apparently it’s a LOT like Cymbalta, which was my miracle drug for years, only different enough that it might work where Cymbalta stopped. So we’ll see. I’mma going to just keep chugging through and hope that something eventually helps. Alright I’m going to go back to bed or something. I hope bed. Oh I hope bed. It was a long day. Hopefully by the time I’m feeling a little better I’ll have job news to share. There is no current school news. I extended my break by six weeks so I can muck through this. It means pulling a double later, but it won’t be near as bad as hell term last term. Alright bed. I’m not proofing this post. I’m… Well you’re getting what you’re getting and you done got it.

Be the first to comment

Tick Tock Goes The Clock

Posted December 23, 2015 By kmarrs

(Hah! Bet you didn’t expect me back so soon!)

I’ve developed some nervous ticks. Some twitches and shakes. I’m not entirely sure what that’s about.

I’m guessing it’s mostly me decompressing from what has been the most stressful semester ever.

Like before now, during the term, I was so stressed and under pressure that every molecule of my body was compacted together and afraid to move for fear of fracture.

Now that I can breathe easy again… After 15 weeks of being held together so tight, I’m now shaky. It’s like all that pressure disappeared at once and there is nothing left to stabilize me so I vibrate.

I dunno.

Mentally I’m stable. Tired. Weary. But well.

Just have a slight shiver of vibration to me.

Be the first to comment

Surviving Finals

Posted December 21, 2015 By kmarrs

So. Wow. It’s been a long minute since I last wrote.

All I can really say to my defense is that my idea of thinking 2 maths classes at once would be an easy return to school… Haha. Ha. ha. No.

I forgot the sheer work load in a single math class much less two at once.

But I survived! Even finals week! With my 4.0 intact.

God I’m tired though. The kind of tired that a nap just can’t fix. It’s like straight through to my core.

But I’ll recover. Just in time for next term. I’m actually going full-time next term, with 3 classes, but they are only 6 weeks each and none of them at the same time. It should be much lighter.

Also, I forgot how much I love to read. Or rather, I never doubted how much I love to read, but I sort of didn’t realize how much I missed it until term finished and I curled up with a book. To just sit there and read when you know there is nothing else in the world I need to be doing… It’d been awhile.

I’m rereading Game of Thrones. I hadn’t read them in a long while, years really, and I’d never read the 5th book so I’ve curled up with the first book and I’m going to try to read all 5 before I’m back in class.

Alright. I’ll try to update more, but I’m not really sure what there is to say. Life is quiet with no real drama. Other than the car breaking and then being gone with no replacement. I mean, my BIL whom lives with us has a car, but I only really have access to it 2 days a week. And even then it’s shared. I’ve never not had a car. It’s getting old fast.

Be the first to comment
sniffentasia@mailxu.com