BPD Blog Borderline Personality Disorder

Meet Spike

Posted May 24, 2016 By kmarrs

Spike is a very young, very small, Sunburst Platy.

 

And here we have Snailburt. Snailburt has hundreds of family members all living in my 20 gallon, eating my plants. I’m not overly fond of Snailburt and co. I mean, they also eat algae but in my 20 they seem to much prefer the plants because they are dying and the algae is out of control. Anyway, Snailburt.  I just love watching his little mouth work.  When my plants aren’t involved, that is.

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I am.

I don’t know what I am, but I am.

Part of me thinks I’m too sick to keep trying to juggle school and work and life.  But at the same time, having a routine and structure does me good.  Work gives me that.  I have somewhere to be during the week.

My hours have dropped.  First, they couldn’t keep me busy for 20-25 hours a week.  That’s a simple fact.  So instead of being there from 9-3 Monday-Thursday I’m now there from 10-3 Monday through Wednesday.  Some weeks it might be more like 10-2 Monday through Thursday.  Either way, it’s less hours.  Which is good.  I keep the routine and structure, but I don’t have to push myself harder than I can reasonably function.

I am still sick.

And tired.  God I’m tired.

So it is with this in mind that I’m continuing my bid for social security.  By dropping down in hours I’m improving my health, but I’m also making under 1000$ a month now so I’m not automatically ineligible for ssi.

In all work is going rather well.  I like my job and I seem to be good enough at it.  I also like my boss so I’m happy where I’m at.  I just can’t do it for more than 15-20 hours a week.  I’m not healthy enough.

Meanwhile school is going really well.  I just finished another term and kept my perfect 4.0 in the process.

My new term has already started, by the point in time you are reading this.  This one should be easier than the last two.  Well, last term, macro and microeconomics, wasn’t hard.  It was just a LOT of writing.  This one should be less work overall.

My first class is called Understanding Science.  It’s a two credit hour class that meets a general education requirement.  It’s 12 weeks long and while there are 4 tests in total, I’m not expecting much trouble.  I’m good at science and this is only skimming the surface.

My second class starts in 6 weeks and it’s Communication Ethics.  I know nothing about it but the girl I work with just took it and got a B.  She also said it was one of those classes where you can get all the work done in a single evening.  So I’ll give myself two evenings and get an A.  Her professor was also a stingy grader.  Hopefully mine isn’t.  I do know I’m taking it with someone else so there is a chance s/he is an easy grader.

That’s basically my life right now.  School.  Work.  Kids.  Sleep.  More sleep.

I guess that’s why I’m not writing much.  There are only so many ways I can say school is going well.  And well, life is rather drama free at the moment.  I’m not complaining, but it makes for a quiet blog.

Even my current stint of unhealthy is a quiet one.  I’m simply tired and stressed and moderately melancholy.

I’ll post a fish update soon.  They give me life.

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Sarah Lockwood is a concerned parent and former social worker. Having worked with the public for decades and after watching her own daughter struggle with addiction, Sarah knows all too well the devastation that can be caused by drug and alcohol abuse. Sarah’s daughter is now in recovery, but her experiences with substance abuse inspired Sarah to get involved with ThePreventionCoalition.org. She plans to spread awareness and support through her work for others dealing with addiction. While Sarah devotes a lot of time to the Coalition, she makes sure to relax and enjoy the small things in life, as every day is a gift.

Nothing tests us more than a personal emergency that causes severe anxiety, feelings of depression, or even thoughts of suicide. When a personal crisis has become so devastating that you feel there is no way out, asking for help may seem out of the question. You may be embarrassed or ashamed about having a problem. You don’t want to let people down, and you don’t want to be judged. While these concerns are valid, there are many avenues through which you can reach out for help without being subject to judgement or shame.

Getting Assistance for Alcohol Abuse

Many people battle some kind of problem with alcohol. Some have issues with binge drinking or alcohol addiction, which are serious concerns.Untitled

According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, “approximately 17 million adults ages 18 and older have an alcohol use disorder (AUD) and 1 in 10 children live in a home with a parent who has a drinking problem.”

When people think about treatment for alcohol abuse they think of a 12-step program. You can call Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) to talk with someone who may be able to help you work through your problems or help find sources of your community. You could also attend an AA meeting. It’s important to remember it’s anonymous, so you are able to choose what you share about yourself within your own level of comfort .

Does your employer offer an assistance program? Call or speak with them to find out what programs and services are offered through this benefit. Seeking out a therapist or speaking with a counselor at a treatment center are other options when you’re not sure where to turn. If you know someone who has gone through recovery and feel comfortable, others who have endured similar struggles are often more than willing to offer a helping hand to someone else who is navigating the journey of recovery.

Finally, turning to your primary care physician is a helpful starting point. Your doctor can start evaluating you to determine the types of treatments that are best-suited for your unique situation. If needed, they can refer you to specialists who can provide treatments and services to aid you on the road to recovery.

Seeking Help for Suicidal Thoughts

It is crucial to seek help if you’re having thoughts of hurting yourself or suicidal thoughts. If you or someone you know are having suicidal thoughts, please seek help immediately. Call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). If you’re not currently in danger, there are resources on the internet to help find support groups and therapists to help you through these hard times.

If you’re having a difficult time, and are not sure what to do, contact a close friend or family member who might be able to talk with you and help relieve some of the stress in your life. Although loved ones can often be supportive, not all of them know how to be helpful in these types of circumstances. You may feel more comfortable speaking with your doctor, sharing your struggles with a therapist or support group, or speaking to a professional over the phone. Don’t forget, seeking help is (always) a “sign of strength.”

Find Help Now

If you’re battling alcohol abuse or suicidal thoughts, or other crises in your life, it is important to figure out a way to get help. It is never easy to ask for help, but it is truly a sign of strength to do so. Remember that you aren’t alone – many people share similar struggles, and no one suffering from addiction, mental illness, or suicidal thoughts should ever feel ashamed or guilty.

Image via Pixabay by Counselling

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Walking the Borderline: The Psychology Patient

Posted April 7, 2016 By kmarrs

Looking for a great read?  Look no further!  I finally finished edits on my book and published over the weekend!

You have your choice between a kindle version and a printed version.  Both are super affordable.  Both are a product of my heart.  You can’t lose no matter which you choose!

 

Walking the Borderline
Walking the Borderline: The Psychology Patient Paperback $19.99

 
 

Walking the Borderline
Walking the Borderline: The Psychology Patient for Kindle $3.99
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Jennifer Scott has been experiencing anxiety and depression since she was a teen. She shares her journey toward improved mental health on her website, SpiritFinder.org. When she isn’t blogging, Jennifer loves to travel, volunteers at her local animal shelter, and rock climbs.

We’re obsessed with tech. The collective obsession with technology is so immersed in our culture that memes circulate the Internet poking fun at families who are enjoying a meal together or spending time in the family room – every member staring at his or her smartphone. The proliferation of technology is often criticized for reducing person-to-person interaction. In spite of this criticism, tech actually holds tremendous promise for people with mental health conditions. Here’s why:

Mobile Apps Offer Mental Health Support and Educationgirl on phone

An April 2015 report from Pew Research reveals that nearly two-thirds (64%) of U.S. adults own a smartphone. What’s more, “[nineteen percent (19%)] of Americans rely to some degree on a smartphone for accessing online services and information and for staying connected to the world around them,” making mobile apps an effective means for providing information to a large portion of the population. Among teens, these figures are even higher.

That’s why apps like Ginger.io are proving a viable means for offering support and tools to smartphone users who suffer from mental illness. The app offers users access to licensed therapists through video visits, tools and health tips, personal coaches and care plans, and even medication support by connecting a user’s Ginger.io care team to their physician to share information and determine medication needs. Ginger.io is not alone; Healthline identifies other apps that offer support for various mental illnesses or tools for relaxation, connections to communities of supportive peers, and more.

Even the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Promotes Technology

The National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI) “is the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness.” The organization’s AIR (Anonymous. Inspiring. Relatable) app is a free, mobile-based social network aimed at supporting those with mental illness and their families and caregivers.

AIR encourages anonymous sharing of stories for support and encouragement, providing information, and making connections between those with similar conditions or who have experienced similar struggles.

Mental Health Tracking is Becoming a Reality

We rely on technology to track our heart rate during exercise, the number of steps we take each day, and even our sleep patterns. Why not track mental health, too? While this is a more challenging feat, researchers and data scientists are running myriad studies and analyses to develop effective mental health tracking solutions by identifying linguistic clues that reveal insight into an individual’s mental health.

While apps like Ginger.io are already making use of such technology to some extent, the goal is to ultimately create a highly effective tracking application that would enable providers to proactively treat patients experiencing a change in mental health status with the hope of reducing negative outcomes such as overdoses or suicide. At the very least, it provides mental health providers with additional tools to better manage patient treatment plans, understanding triggers, and pinpointing key changes that indicate a need for medication changes or intervention.

Online Communities Help Eradicate Stigma and Provide Lifelines

You don’t have to be using a smartphone to take advantage of the mental health benefits of technology. Anyone suffering from or caring for a loved one with a mental illness won’t have to look far to find online communities and support groups for people who share similar experiences.

For those who need a bit of optimism, communities like Post It Forward on Tumblr are home to a plethora of uplifting images, inspirational messages, and positive encouragement from others who have suffered from anxiety, depression, and other mental illnesses. Love is Louder, “a project of The Jed Foundation created with actress Brittany Snow to support anyone feeling mistreated, misunderstood or alone,” is an online and offline initiative with a similar focus.

These resources, in addition to the instant connection to loved ones through family conference calls, text messages, and emails, makes technology a valuable tool in the battle against mental illness. Whether an individual suffering from mental illness is feeling isolated or does not feel like leaving home to socialize, those all-important social connections and critical emotional support is at their fingertips thanks to technology.

Image via Pixabay

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Phish

Posted April 1, 2016 By kmarrs

I would like to apologize, because this is not a real post.  It’s a filler post until I can get real content up.  I have real content in my inbox ready to go, but I’d like to post it on a normal day at a normal time so it’s a tad more planned and not simply thrown up.  This, this is throw up.  And it’s about fish.

So.  I had a 10 gallon planted tank with Betta Davis (a betta fish) and Kenneth Mars (a clown pleco aka an algae eater).  Well… I didn’t do my research.  I listened to the pet store girl who said that the pleco only grows to about 4 inches, and is perfect for a 10 gallon.  Half right.  They only get to be 4 inches, but the amount of waste the produce is insane.  You need a 20 gallon for them, bare minimum.

So.

I took my first paycheck from this new job and I met my obligations, then I took the rest to the pet store and bought a 20 gallon tank for Kenneth.  I’d already ordered more plants I was going to house in the 10 gallon, but I’ll put them in the 20 instead.  I can buy more plants for both later.

My next mission, next payday, is to buy a dozen small fish to live in the 20.  I’ll want to leave Betta Davis alone, but as Kenneth basically lives under his drift wood, you’d think the tank was empty if I didn’t put something in there.  I’m thinking a dozen neon tetras.  Alternatively I’ll do a half-dozen each of neon tetras and zebra danios.  We’ll see.  None of them are overly expensive.  So it comes down to whether I want 2 small schools or 1 large one.  I think my daughter would like the variety of 2 different schools more.  So I might go with that.

Technically in a planted tank the plants are supposed to be the focal point and the fish are just, well, there.  That’s why I’m going with a dozen cheap instead of a couple of fancy, expensive ones.  But we’ll see.  Once I’m in the store who knows what will happen.

Ironically this all just started with a plan for a single fish, Betta Davis, with Kenneth being thrown in to keep the algae down.  Now according to my research, once my tank(s) find its balance, the plants themselves will keep the algae down because they’ll pull all the nutrients.  Go figure.

And thus, this project will go from 1 fish, to 2 fish, to 14 fish.

But at least my heart is super happy, even if my husband is less than thrilled.

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