BPD Blog Borderline Personality Disorder

My Little Sister

Posted February 28, 2015 By kmarrs

Liver failure blog bpd borderline personality disorder
I have made mention on here before of how my sister’s liver is basically failing and she became severely ill over the summer and through the fall of 2014.  I have gone back and forward with myself over what details I might offer on that situation.  It isn’t my life and isn’t my story.  However, she’s the only sister I have.

So let me back up about 20 years to tell the full story of a sisterhood in trouble.

Growing up and especially during our teenaged years we did not exactly get along.  We actually fought rather viciously.  There are so many things that could be blamed here, but aside from accepting my share of it, I’m not going to point fingers, name names, and list events.  It is suffice to say we were terrible sisters.

As young adults and well into my 20’s we never fought like we did, but we still picked at each other.  Basically, we didn’t necessarily like each other.  It was somewhere between Loki and Thor, and civil.  I mean I’d totes steal a battleship for her.  She’d totes follow me to another planet to bring justice for my crimes and make amends.  You know.  Only technically by age I’d be Thor.  Whatever.  You get the point perhaps.

Then a few years back one of us, I think her, decided that really we needed to grow up and be sisters, dammit.  We needed to make an effort to know each other as adults and get along for everyone’s sake.  We needed to attempt friendship.  And you know, we did, but you couldn’t call us close, even if we were friends.

Then in the summer of 2014 she came a little too close to death at the hands of the disease called alcoholism.  I’m not going into this too much as this is her story, but she was (is) an alcoholic and her liver was (is) failing.  As we all know alcoholism is a disease and not a choice, so fighting it was hard and took a couple attempts.  As well as a second, longer stay at the hospital when she came closer to death.  That was just over 5 months ago.  I know this as she is now proudly just over 5 months sober.  (She also quit smoking, you go girl, you fucking rock!)

Well, becoming sober and finding recovery was a huge help, but medically not enough.  She of course needed treatment for her failing liver.  They did all that could be done and sent her home with medications and steroids to continue with and awaited to see how much her liver would heal.  The answer was decidedly not enough.  So, my sister officially needs a transplant.  There are no further treatment options aside from this.  As she is 5 months sober and has not touched a drop since before that 5 month mark, getting a transplant is seriously doable.

Except her urine sample keeps showing alcohol use, despite her blood not.  They don’t necessarily assume secret drinking, but they can’t give her the transplant under those conditions.

Here is the deal.  Pick up any sort of hygiene product.  Check the ingredient list.  I bet alcohol is in it.  Including hand sanitizer (duh) but also things like toothpaste and deodorant in small, trace amounts.  Trace amounts that your skin soaks in and your liver gets rid of with no problem at all.  Won’t even show up in your pee.  Unless your liver really is that bad.  That close to total failure.  That’s how it shows up in your pee, but not your blood.

So she can’t be on the list, but she can fight to be reconsidered.  They aren’t just going to let her die without a fight.

She will be called up randomly and will have 24 hours to get herself to a specific medical lab where she will produce a specimen on the spot.  Think random drug test, only random alcohol test.  At first I think it’ll just be urine, but probably blood too at some point if needed.  That way if she is constantly and randomly showing she’s sober via her blood, even if her urine isn’t, she can prove her sobriety and they’ll either figure out what’s going on with her liver or just acknowledge it’s failing.  Either way she’s sober.

Additionally she is now a label reading champ and hopefully there will be nothing in her beauty, health, and food lineup that has alcohol in it.  It is hard because if that juice in your fridge is just the slightest bit fermented, you won’t notice and your liver will sort it out without issue.  Well, my sister also won’t notice, but her liver won’t sort it out at all.  So she also has to watch every bite she eats, as so much food has trace amounts.  Like certain food dyes and certain flavors of greek yogurt.

Needless to say this is a hard battle but my baby sister has a great team around her helping her fight it both in her family, her medical team, but also her big sister.

We are closer than ever.  Even have matching infinity “sister” necklaces should the world question.  I tell you there is nothing in the world like almost losing your baby sister before she even turns 30, to scare you into the relationship you should have had all along.  I’ve always loved her, but now I openly adore her. (Crap.  I’m crying again.  I do that these days.  About everything.)

Loki and Thor sure as hell don’t have that.

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This Week In My Store: Version My Photography

Posted February 27, 2015 By kmarrs

So I can apparently upload some of my photography to have turned into posters!

Fragile Four Print
Fragile Four Print by Wearables4Edibles
Find more Dogwood tree Posters at Zazzle
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10 Reasons To Let Sambam Live To See 3

Posted February 27, 2015 By kmarrs

Children of Borderline Parents

So I started this not long before Sambam’s 3rd birthday and apparently couldn’t come up with 10 reasons without resorting to “I actually love her” or “Murder is wrong”, so I’m going to revisit it now that she’s well into OMG THREE YEAR OLDS ARE PURE EVIL.  Ahem.  They are also more entertaining.

  1. She only really has 23 days to go.
  2. She pronounces futon as “puton”.
  3. When she’s defiant and says no, she says “no thank you”.
  4. She is an expert on zombies.  Both being one and remembering to double tap when her brother plays the zombie.
  5. When her aunt asked her the meaning of life recently, she replied “family and love”.
  6. Because while playing with the wrestler figures of an older boy I watch after school, the following came from her mouth:  “My name is Ciena and I love warm hugs”
  7. She has the sense of humor and spot on timing of a true comedian
  8. Because one day she was so excited to nom down on her string cheese, that she literally full force bit her own finger. Of course queue melt down inspired by being bit and being mad that she’s the one that did it and oh the pain and oh the shame. (It was a shame!)  Her daddy and I tried so hard not to laugh at her while comforting her.  AKA she’s pathetically adorable.
  9. She has most of the “Do You Want To Build A Snowman” song memorized.  Granted, her willingness to prove this is getting old.
  10. Because the sheer force of girl power that comes when she plays with her little cousin Rosie, who is basically only 2-3 months older than her, is awesome stuff.  They have their own language and if you could bottle the energy you could power entire cities, but it warms the heart.

Alright!  I should schedule this to drop around her half birthday.

 

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blog borderline personality disorderJust as I shared in post format, this site’s mission statement, I would like to reintroduce myself.  In the past 6 years I’ve seen readers come and go.  Some have been here from the start, but how many?  And how many people really click the about me link on a blog?  So here is an introduction to me, and if you are one of my regular readers, of a long time or a short time, I would like to invite you to introduce yourself in the comments.

I apologize now as this really is in the 3rd person.  That’s apparently how we bloggers do it.  We make it sound like someone else wrote it.  Yeah.  Like we’d let someone else write our own material.

—–

Karen has been married to the same man (Patrick or Pat) Since April of 2003. Her oldest son, Thomas, was born in July 2003, her youngest son, Lucas, was born in January 2008, and her baby girl, Samantha, was born in August 2011.

Karen is in remission from Borderline Personality Disorder. Which is like saying she’s recovered, but no matter how many positive thoughts you think, like cancer, you can never assume BPD is gone for good.

Or, you know, it’s back.

At her worse, Karen struggles to get out of bed, eat 3 meals a day, function as a mom and wife, hold a job, and simply keep up her life and dignity.

At her best Karen was a successful bank teller working her way up in her career with one of the top banks in the country. She was known through her branch and beyond as being dedicated, hard-working, dependable, creative, personable, reliable, and eager to succeed and help the branch to succeed as a team.

The Karen of 2007 and 2015 looks on in awe.

Karen’s full diagnosis list, none of which is currently in remission though it’s getting “better” is: Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar, Generalized Depression, Generalized Anxiety, and Fibromyalgia. There are a couple other things that could be mentioned but as they are not “official”, we’ll leave them off the list. It isn’t like that list is lacking.

Karen of 2015 is spending her life working on school and recovery, as well as being the person, mom, and wife she wants to be.  She is also trying to get a career as a freelance writer off the ground.  This will hopefully help add to the family income while she is unable to work outside the home.  Additionally, it will keep her writing skill sharp for when it’s time to write her dissertation as a grad student.

Karen is a geek and finds no shame in this. She games online, around a table, and live action. The 10th Doctor is her boyfriend, and he wouldn’t even need his TARDIS, just his brains, quirky personality, bemused grin, and luscious hair. Rawr! All of time and space would be a plus, though. Karen is a brown coat who wants to see Firefly brought back, hopelessly Sherlocked, and a lover of Captain Jack be he a pirate or the brains of Torchwood. She grew up watching Star Wars and Star Trek. The Next Generation will always hold a special place in her over-sized heart. The prequels 1-3 of the Star Wars franchise are an embarrassment to the industry. Sheldon Cooper is her personal hero, Leonard is her new best friend, and Penny is getting smarter by the Chinese dinner. Then one night, in the dead of winter, while Karen was on the brink of sleep, string theory suddenly made perfect, beautiful sense. Then in the excitement of her scientific discovery, she woke just enough to lose it all and has spent her days regretting this loss to the scientific community. But with hours spent reading quantum physics for fun, it will all come back. Finally, it should be noted: Roses are #ff0e0e, violets are #0000a5, and if you understood that, you’re a nerd too!

Karen will write anything that needs said, be it proper or not. She is a firm believer that life is not to be regretted but instead learned from, and if by sharing those personal life lessons here someone else can benefit, then that is all the drive Karen will ever need to keep writing!

And after all this time, she still maintains she’s difficult.

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5 Reasons Not To Watch Fifty Shades Of Grey

Posted February 25, 2015 By kmarrs

Rape culture and domestic abuse

This week on “Things Karen Posted on BuzzFeed”, we have my horror over Fifty Shades of Grey being made into a movie.  Why am I horrified?  So glad you asked!  Here is a link so you can go read all about it!

On a side note, some of the discussions on Facebook about this movie I’ve stumbled into blindly, make me fear for, well, so many things.  Let us just say from now on I’m saving my debates for those who are equipped to hold an intellectual discussion.  If you know what I mean.

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What is Walking the Borderline All About?

Posted February 24, 2015 By kmarrs

Well, I’m reviving this place.  Shaking it up!  I’m working behind the scenes and in front of the scenes, and in some cases building the scenes.  All that to remember the main mission of this place.  It has not changed one bit in the 6 years this place has been up and running in its various states, and I don’t plan for my mission to change anytime soon.  Now, if you look up there at the top, you’ll see an about WTBL link.   It also holds the mission statement.  However, I don’t trust that it always gets clicked so I’m putting it right here where you can’t miss it.

Purpose Of Walking The Borderline:

This Blog is here to showcase what it’s like living with Borderline Personality Disorder. This blog is also here to entertain you and to give you a glimpse inside the inner workings of the illness. While I’m targeting people who have BPD and their loved ones, my main goal is to spread the word about this illness. I want it commonly known.

Borderline Personality Disorder BPD Blog

Are You My Target Audience?

Are you someone who has borderline personality disorder?

Family with someone with BPD?

Friends with someone with BPD?

Working with someone with BPD?

Curious about BPD?

Someone with any other mental illness?

The Types Of Posts You Can Expect

My entries can be directly divided into 3 groups. The first is direct research articles that I’ve written on various topics of importance to the illness. The second are stories of antics in my life that while personal, show directly how the illness affects me and those I live with. The third are random stories of the day-to-day nature that while they won’t be directly related to the illness, they will still show glimpses into my head.

Comment Policy

I invite and encourage any and all questions and comments. Including constructive criticism. However, 2 things will not be tolerated. “Get over it!” without serious advice on how to do so. As well as “You suck!” without a detailed explanation as to why you believe so. All comments are indeed moderated mostly for my benefit so that I don’t accidentally miss them.

Not Always PG, Never Family Friendly

Finally, keep in mind one thing. I will not censor myself on here. You’ll see me post things that you’d never dream anyone would make public knowledge. You’ll see me go off on rants where my language won’t be proper. Just keep in mind that this is indeed the truth behind BPD. Private isn’t always kept as such, and public isn’t always prim and proper.

Now sit back and enjoy the ride!

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