BPD Blog Borderline Personality Disorder

Special Interests

Posted September 2, 2019 By kmarrs

How I went through 35 years of life not clueing into the fact that I hyper fixate and have special interests is just so beyond me.

Currently, it’s Good Omens specifically, but I’m also soaking up all media that Neil Gaiman, David Tennant, and Michael Sheen are attached to. So I’ve very much back on my Tennant bullshit. But I promise to contain it all to Tumblr other than this post.

This post is just me really allowing it to come to light that I am so very autistic. Though this can also be an ADHD trait. Both? Both.

(It doesn’t help that I’ve recently been on a (reading) Shakespeare kick, and Tennant does Shakespeare very well.)

Be the first to comment

The Grande Finale

Posted August 26, 2019 By kmarrs

I am done with my Bachelors of Science in Applied Psychology. I don’t walk the stage until September 6, 2019, but all my classes are completed.

I wrote my final (bachelor’s level) thesis on the validity of personality tests in the pre-employment process and conducted what seems to be original and unique research on how many people actually fake their scores, and thus I might be working to get my paper published. Which is really cool and will look amazing on grad school applications.

I earned an A in all my classes over the past 6 years, except for one solitary B. My GPA is a 3.97 and I am, indeed, graduating Summa Cum Laude.

I’m so relieved to be done. I can focus on providing for my family, and spend more time with my family. My life is being pulled in significantly fewer directions now.

In a few years I’ll move on to the next phase of my education, but I’m not ready for that yet. I need a break anyway, but I also need my Sammy to be less needy. At the age of 8, she is in constant need for my attention and I hate telling her I need to study. I try to work a few games of Uno into the daily mix, and she always gets her bedtime snuggles, but that girl could have my full attention 24/7 and still would hunger for more. So I need to enjoy her while she wants me and go back to school when she doesn’t.

I’m just so fuckin’ excited to be done though! I’m the first in my immediate family to have a full college education and I worked so hard to be something. I am working so hard to be something.

Also, there is a party in my immediate future. I’m super excited about that! I’m pulling friends to me that I have not seen in a while and I can’t wait! Plus cake. Thoughts of the cake helped motivate me through the thesis.

Be the first to comment

The Job

Posted August 19, 2019 By kmarrs

I do indeed have a new job that I start the day this posts.

I will be working at the front desk at a local eye doctor chain. I have the store I went to as a kid, which is nice. The cool thing is that there is a lot of room to cross-train and advance which is exactly what I need.

The pay is a little less per hour than what I was hoping for. However, there is an amazing bonus system in place that we earn as a team, and it’s a really great team, so I don’t at all feel like I’m settling.

I ended up having 5 interviews with this company with various stores and regional managers. The one regional manager was very set that she wanted me, but she was also very set on finding me the perfect location. A spot where I could thrive.

The whole process was lengthy, which is why I spent a week unemployed technically, but I spent that week pretty confident I had a job offer incoming soon so I didn’t really stress it. Also, it made for a nice staycation.

Anyway, I’ll fill you guys in, in a few weeks, on how the job is going. Gives me a chance to settle in and really form an opinion. But I’m super excited!

In the meantime, I have a few other things to fill you all in on over the next couple of weeks. Such as school. So tune in next week for that post!

Be the first to comment

Silence

Posted August 14, 2019 By kmarrs

I’m sorry I went silent there. It wasn’t intended. But I had my bachelor’s equivalent of a thesis weighing down on me. I was also waiting to write about news of a new job. Which I do finally have news and I’ll share it as soon as I have details.

Anyway, this is just a quick note to let everyone know that all I have left to do is get my final grade and walk the stage. Otherwise, I’m done with undergrad.

I’m also off work this week and maybe possibly next because I had to leave the work-study job since I’m out of school now, and the new job hasn’t kicked in yet. Money stress aside, taking some time off right now is a blessing.

So that’s the quick, “I’m alive,” update. I’ll fill in more gaps soon.

Be the first to comment

The Spectrum

Posted July 29, 2019 By kmarrs

Nothing is official. I refuse to be officially tested because I don’t want this on my permanent record. Unless and until a time comes that I need it there.

I had my suspicion that I’m autistic validated. Sort of. My therapist and I had a long conversation about it. We compared my symptoms with other issues like ADHD (which I have and they share symptoms, but they are also comorbid frequently), my history of trauma, and my attachment issues.

The general consensus is that if I went and got tested for autism, I would probably walk away with that diagnosis. However, it could also be because of the ADHD combined with the attachment issues, combined with my general mental health. So it’s hard to tell.

That said, I relate to heavily to the autistic community. When they talk about what it’s like to be autistic, I share the symptoms and experiences. To quote the meme: Big Mood.

I would be diagnosed autistic if I went for testing, though they wouldn’t be looking at my history of trauma.

So for now, I’m calling myself autistic. For simplicity’s sake. Because the symptoms are there. Because I fit the mold.

So yes, I’m autistic. It’s not just ADHD.

(The ADHD is, btw, confirmed and on the record.)

Be the first to comment

Time to Talk About Pat

Posted July 22, 2019 By kmarrs

In 2018, Pat made the decision to undergo bariatric surgery. Our insurance was willing to pay for it, as he was heavy enough and then some, and it would overall save on health care costs because weight loss would make him healthier overall. However, he had a million and a half hoops to jump through.

So he started jumping and jumping. I won’t go into all the appointments and what all was tested. That’s his story, not mine.

But.

In late May of 2019, Pat went under the knife and had the majority of his stomach removed in a procedure that’s known as a sleeve.

It’s not almost 2 months later and Pat is back on his feet, healthier than he has been, and down a decent chunk of weight, with more to come.

You can see in the loose skin how much he has already lost. A fact he’s self-conscious about because the skin just sort of sags and hangs there. But it’s normal for weight loss like he’s going through. And when I see the loose skin I see a tremendous amount of effort (he had to completely change his diet and relearn his eating habits as a part of this) and success.

Next up, after he reaches his target weight, is skin removal, which insurance will also pay for. Two body parts at a time, over the span of like 18 months. I may be off on that last part.

Anyway, I’m really proud of Pat. His energy levels are up and he seems happier with himself in general. While I never cared how much he weighed, I am thrilled to see the quality of his life improve. That means the world to me.

Be the first to comment